The Difference of One Year

First, I want to tell you about my fabulous Saturday:

* Dekker woke up at 8AM after going to bed at 7:30 the night before.  Dave was already up and I have a sore throat so he got up with Dekker and loved on him, got breakfast, etc and I had a really weird dream and got up around 9.

* We played with Dekker in the living room and got the kitchen together.  About 10:30 I took him down to his new swing under the deck where he sat  and drank water from his big boy sippy cup.  He was very content just to be outside.  Dave was mowing, and it was beautiful.  I didn't even have to keep pushing him to keep him happy-- he just was.

I potted my three back patio pots full of Impatients.  Last year these pots did great so I hope this is the case again.

Last Year's Pots:

*We came in from outside and made some lunch.  I took Dekker's highchair out on the deck where I also ate and potted another pot.  Then we came in, cooled off and played a little, then I put him down for his nap.
* Dekker's naps have very much improved, thank goodness.  He napped for 2.5 hours-- which is about average for him.  It's still on the short side in my opinion, but he very consistently wakes up about then.  Dave and I enjoyed the peace and quiet, I showered, and even laid down for awhile-- still not feeling 100%.
* Dekker got up, and we all went to Menards.  Got some more potting soil and some sprinkler replacement parts.
* Came home and played in the living room.  I potted the two front pots and I ran out of potting soil again and I still don't think they have enough in them... ug.  Did I mention that I also watered and fertilized all these said pots.  I am determined to have beautiful, overflowing pots that basically no one sees.

Just a few of this year's pots so far:

* Fab evening with one meltdown from Dekker.  He had dinner.  At one point Dave and I were both sitting in our chairs and he was just playing all around on the living room floor.  For almost ONE MINUTE I felt sad that he is this big-- big enough to look through the toybox, find what he wants, and pull it out and sit there and independently play with it!  What the Heck.  But on the other hand I was so relieved.

Last May we had a screaming baby.  I love this weather and I spent all my time inside praying to God that things would get better and feeling guilty that I wasn't more thankful and feeling in love with my child.  At that time I talked to a friend of mine who also had a screaming MSPI baby at one point in her life and she reminded me that weekends are usually a little harder because we have different expectations for Saturday and Sunday-- more laid back, restful... (like today!)  But 18 hours of screaming later, I was pulling my hair out.

Now do you see why I struggle to have another baby???

Irons on the fire... updated

Hi Friends-- time for a mini update and some pics!

Awhile back I posted about "productivity coming in streaks."  So today I wanted to give a little update to remind you all, and myself, that life goes on... ... (today's comments are in red) ... comments from the original post are in black.

* Dekker's birthday party-- I was really stressed out about this but for no reason.  We had such a terrific weekend and in the blink of an eye it was over and my baby was a toddler.  Sweet thing.

* Hosting Easter Dinner for my folks and Dave's.  Again, timely and lovely.  I decided that since we're already driving to the bakery for the treats we might as well just buy the bread rolls she's been gushing about on facebook.  They were worth every penny.  We survived this, too, and had a special Easter moment with our boy.  We also had our first "by the tree" picture.  My mom took a picture of my brother and I every year at Easter until it became a family joke.

* I have decided that for some reason this year we MUST have the AC unit inspected.  This was done as well.  All clear, and we will have it done differently next time :) Live and learn.

* Decided this would be a good time for another round with the landscaping guy (part of my quest for simplicity).  The "throw money at it" is getting rather expensive now!  I just want an estimate on taking out some MORE of the shrubbery in our yard-- more lawn please, plus a spring clean up/cut back (this currently takes us almost two full weekends-- and I cuss out the former owners the entire 4 days), plus I want to know how much to totally remove the so-not-kid-friendly pond.  We'll see what he comes back with, tomorrow at 1:30.  Ug, there went my morning nap picking up dog poop. Well he came and we said yes and we are pond-less.  It is almost done.  The mulch looks fantastic and so does the old pond area-- will look better when it's totally done (look for the upcoming "Before and After" post).

No Offense...

Well, I have been having some moments of wondering if I will EVER be ready for baby #2.  I am not pregnant, so don't start thinking that's why I look thicker than normal.  In fact, just the other day I was at Wal-Greens giving them the $80 that my insurance won't pay for my birth control and the lady behind the counter says, "Looks like you have to pay full price.  Darn."  As I swipe my card I say, "Cheaper than a baby."  She laughed hysterically like I had said a joke.  No, mam, I've done the math-- trust me, it's cheaper.

Anyway, the other day on Kathie Lee and Hoda's extra hour to the Today Show (why oh why do I watch this?), Kathie Lee says to someone that she was prepared to love her second child, but was unprepared for the beauty of watching her children love one another, or something like that... maybe she was paraphrasing someone else??  That gives me some hope.  But I'm pretty sure that I should have more hope than that found on the Today show before I go jumping into things.

I used to say that I hoped I would get pregnant on accident because I was pretty sure I would never intentionally try and get pregnant.  I have had such a horrible go on birth control-- which is why I pay $80 a month for one that doesn't make me feel like crap-- and Dave and I did Natural Family Planning, (very successfully by the way-- I love the book Taking Control of Your Fertility)-- for several, several months before we "tried" to get pregnant with Dekker.  So it was possible that we would get pregnant on accident, but we didn't.   Where am I going here... ... I guess I just wanted to say that I am so glad that we did get pregnant with Dekker (intentionally or not) because he is such a joy in my life.  He is incredible.  And we did intentionally try because I had come to that place in my heart where I wanted a baby (especially after the miscarriage)-- even though I was NOT completely at peace about it.  I was a nervous wreck-- but it was okay-- better than okay, actually.  Now I'm wondering if I will ever come to that place in my heart again.  It almost makes me sad.

I do baby math at amazing speed.  And I know that if I want Dekker and his future brother/sister to be 2 years apart that I need to get pregnant this summer.   And that's not happening according to my plans.  Then I think-- 2 1/2 or 3 years apart?  Could I get pregnant between this winter and next summer.  Maybe.  Will I ever have a peace about this?  My friend once told me that she woke up one day and everything in her life was no longer baby.  Her little girl had grown up so fast and suddenly she just wanted another baby.  I am honestly praying that I will get to that place in the next year.  And who do I think I am?  I hope I can get pregnant as easily as I did anyway.

I worry about having to go through some of the awfulness again.  Like what if I miscarry?  What if I can't get pregnant?  I got really anxious at every ultrasound.  What if my second baby cries all day?  I almost cry thinking about that!  How would I take care of a screaming baby AND a toddler?  Or a not screaming baby for that matter.  In some ways I want a second baby to re-do a lot of those first 6 months.  I want to replace those awful memories and depression with something wonderful.  But what if that doesn't happen?  The chance that it won't is enough to keep shelling out $80 a month at the Wal-Greens counter with the not-so-funny-lady.

Then I think about how having a baby will change my relationship with Dekker and I want to cry again.  (Man, maybe I am pregnant-- so emotional.)  Nope, I am just not ready.  If I got pregnant tonight, I would be ready in 9 months.  But my heart just isn't beating that way.

Before I got a dog I had a lot of friends encourage me to get a dog. 

Is Parenting Our Highest Calling?

(First, I need to give credit where credit is due and thank Leslie Leyland-Fields for her incredible book, Parenting Is Your Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt.  I believe this book is a must read for all women and greatly influenced my message on Sunday and the way I view parenting.  Buying this book for yourself would be a fantastic gift that you are well deserving of.  Oh Leslie, if you read this or ever listen to my sermon, know that I never intended to plagiarize on purpose-- if I did!  I love your book so much that its words have become my own.)

Is Parenting Our Highest Calling?

Well if you joined us at Stonebridge on Sunday you will know that my answer to this question is... No.

But hang with me.

Matthew 10:37-39 (New International Reader's Version)

37 "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. Anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And anyone who does not pick up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 If anyone finds his life, he will lose it. If anyone loses his life because of me, he will find it.

Excerpt from Sunday's message:

The highest call of our lives today is the very same message that was given by Jesus to his disciples thousands of years ago. We are called to Love God... above all else.

As a church culture we remind ourselves often not to make a God out of money, or work or appearances. But our family? It is very easy to worship our family. In fact, I believe that as parents our biggest and never ending temptation is to unseat Jesus from his royal throne and replace him with our family. God calls us to an exclusive love for him that consumes our hearts, souls, minds-- all that we are. We need to heed the words in Exodus: “Do not worship any other God” (Exodus 34:14).

Hear me clearly, I am not telling you to love your family less, I am encouraging you to love God more.

So I spoke these words on Sunday and women all throughout the church nodded their heads.  They understood that they want to put God first, even before wonderful and awesome things like their family-- God is WORTHY of being #1 in our lives.  And any worship before the worship of God is misplaced.

Then today I got this e-mail from someone in our church:

"...It really hit home because parenting can be so rewarding, but so hard, just like life in general!  And just a reminder of needing to put Jesus 1st!!!!  Now the trick is just doing that!"

She is right-- now the trick is "just doing that."  So this is my hope for community and discussion today-- HOW do we act out in our daily lives making Jesus our first priority? How do we still put Jesus first when our daily tasks are so demanding... when we are chasing children, wiping behinds, making lunch, running errands, cleaning house and changing laundry?

So think about this for a brief moment, hit comment, and let the rest of us know your thoughts.  We might as well help one another on this journey, too.

On the journey.

Stef

Post-Sermon Recap

"I will survive... I will survive... I will survive..."

I most certainly survived Mother's Day at Stonebridge.  In fact, it was a kick.  Here is a run down of my second Mother's Day.

Well, we still start the night before.  Saturday we drove home from a wonderful mini-trip to see my folks and my grandparents, who had already drove 13 hours from Colorado to see us and Dekker.  We got home around 5:00 and Dave was so gracious to encourage me to go lay down and rest, which I did from about 6:30-8:00.  I got up and we ordered late-night sushi.  You bet we did.  I could think of nothing I wanted more, for Saturday night and for Mother's Day and for something to keep my mind of the next morning.  Plus, I was pretty sure I could be to bed by 10:30 and I don't think I would have gotten to bed earlier anyway.  SNL was a riot Saturday night, but I was pretty disciplined to go to bed before it was over because I had a few warnings that Sunday would be exhausting.

6:45: Alarm goes off.  I turn it off.  I go back to sleep.

7:15: I wake up and panic about what time it is.  I can usually depend on Dekker to be a little "alarm clock" but he has been sleeping in lately, a side effect (glorious) of switching him to one nap-- he's "catching up" on his sleep at night b/c he doesn't yet nap as long as he should.  Anyway, once I realize what time it is I start to remember the dream I had from 6:45-7:15.  In my dream I arrived at the church and couldn't find my manuscript.  Then, I realized I wasn't preaching to the big church, but in a side room for "children's" church, but there were no children in there... just a few adults, one who had a video camera that I didn't know.  Anyway, I am a counselor (you know) but in all my education I have had one 30 minute lecture on dream analysis.  And this is what I know... "Don't focus on the details of the dream, but how you felt during the dream."  Well, I can tell you that during this dream I felt disappointed.  So I had a little pep talk with myself that obviously in the back part of my mind that I WANTED to do this, and that I would be disappointed if I didn't.  And that is true.

7:25: Realize last nights hair is not going to work.  Stick head under running water and start over.  Kick myself for not getting a new straight iron and am SO THANKFUL that I borrowed Beth's on Thursday.  Life Saver!

7:45-8:30: Get dressed, make-up and hair and breakfast.  Talk myself into wearing more make-up than usual, especially eye liner and lipstick, because heaven only knows that those lights on that stage are not exactly flattering.  I ate oatmeal for breakfast.  I reasoned that it was low points and that it would keep me full.  I was correct.

8:45: Arrive at church.  So glad I was early.  I proofed the power-point and did find some corrections, namely the translation they were using was different than my manuscript.

9:30: Service One begins.  I am loving worship.  My husband, sister-in-law and mother-in-law are there.  They are so sweet and I feel so incredibly blessed.  I am standing shoulder to shoulder with our senior pastor, Mark.  He is the only person who sings louder and worse than me, so I love standing by him.  I feel like I can all but shout and scream my praises and no one knows.

You should know here that one of my greatest fears of public speaking is that my microphone will accidentally turn on during worship.  I shudder thinking about it.  My other fears are arm pit stains/sweat marks and having my zipper down.

10:00: A nice introduction from Pastor Mark and we're on our way.  I felt great.  I love public speaking, even though it really does make me nervous.

Don't Mind Me...

First, an apology to the three of you who check this regularly.   I have been trying to post regularly on Tuesday and Thursday and I am back on the wagon next week, okay!  I have been struggling with MATERIAL this week.  But today I have a little time to "catch up."  Love to you all.

Don't Mind Me

Don't Mind Me... teachers of my neighbor boy.  I know I am texting him all day when he is in school.  But I need someone to take care of my dog, who I nearly forgot to arrange plans for, while I am gone Friday night.  Such a bad puppy parent.  Thankfully, he works super odd hours, so between him and his folks Josie will probably be more spoiled than when we're home!

Don't Mind Me... I'm just finally putting away the laundry I washed and folded last Friday.  Boy, these baskets look like they have been sifted through all week while a certain someone dug out just the clothes he needed for the day and left the rest in the basket.  Odd...

Don't Mind Me... unhelpful and rude lady at Mulhalls.  I could go another 28 years without you yelling out over your walkie talkie "I'm sending someone your way in a RED SWEAT SHIRT."  You don't have to talk about me like I'm not three feet from you!  And don't mind me, but directions like "Go down that way and then turn half way down" are not enough in a HUGE nursery.  If Hy-Vee walks me to the product and their aisles are numbered, surely you can do better.

Don't Mind Me... man who DID NOT meet me and my red sweat shirt near the house plants.

Don't Mind Me... man who gets the Mulhalls website e-mails who got a nasty gram from me today. (Oh heavens, update, I just got a message from Mr. Mulhalls himself.  He wants to talk about my experience and make it better...stay tuned)

Don't Mind Me... Yon, the lady who threads my eyebrows.  I'm not sure "You have really long eyebrows" is a compliment, but I'll take it.

Don't Mind Me... to the 1200 people who will listen to me preach on Sunday.  I just broke out in a sweat thinking about it.  I borrowed a sweater to wear, the manuscript is in, the program is done... so all that's left is... me.  (This, by the way, explains my non-posting this week.  Every last minute I had without daycare was spent on it!  I have been preaching to my closet doors all week.  Don't mind the crazy lady next door who talks to herself all day...)

Don't Mind Me... to the people who I have (basically) stole stuff from off Craigslist this week.  And to my neighbors, I know it seems funny that we keep coming home with the trailer loaded up with something... but we went on a poor man's shopping spree.  We love our new daybed, table and chairs, and weight set.

Don't Mind Me... to the landscaping company.  Our yard was suppose to be done by Easter.  I know it has been raining a lot.  And we're not in a big hurry.  Just communicate with us a little better next time, okay.  We still love you, and your super reasonable prices.

About An Eight

I read just a few blogs in my spare time-- spare time = nap times when I am not napping myself or finishing up some paperwork for work.  Why does that paperwork never do itself?  Anyway, one blog that I really enjoy is Debra's.  Awhile back she challenged her blog readers to answer some questions about themselves.  And with no creepy messages, funny walks, or baby drama to report on-- I am taking her up on the challenge.  If you are reading this, and blogging along, too-- I hope you will post the questions for yourself and let me know.  (Feel free to post your answers in the comments if you don't have a blog!)

When do you feel happiest?

When the entire family is around the dinner table.  I love sharing a meal on the deck with Dave.  I love sitting down to family meal with my folks, my brothers family (or all of us, heaven-- which I took for granted for too long), with Dave's parents and his sisters and their families.  Even when there are NINE grandkids together under the age of six at the Rowe family dinners-- I love it.  Well, I am not used to the noise to be honest.  But I am learning to love it-- I love the sound of cousins talking and playing and being healthy, active kids.  I can't wait until Dekker is old enough to run around with my brothers kids and Dave's sister's kids.   I consider my small group family, too.  So I love sharing a meal with them, too.

How do you take care of yourself?

I eat.  hahahaha.  And I walk.  And they honestly cancel one another out, which means that I walk a lot and can't lose a gosh darn pound.  I also love to talk on the phone.  When I was a Freshman in college, I had 40 cell phone minutes a MONTH + free nights and weekends after 8PM.  I had them all gone on the 1st.  Honestly.  One time my dad called, rightfully upset about the outrageous cell phone bill, and I told him to add up all the "overage" minutes (not nights and weekends) that I was talking to Mom and then I would pay the difference. He never called back :)  I am also pretty self-aware when I need a break and I'm pretty good about asking for help.

Are you internally (by yourself) or externally (by others) motivated?

Externally.  And I wish I could find a little more internal motivation for a few things.

What do you do for fun?

I read blogs, like Becky's and Kara's.  I also love to read books about various topics-- some Beth Moore stuff, some ridiculous stuff, Readers Digest, on-line material, books about kid stuff like sleep and food.  I love to spend time with my friends.  I like to shop, travel, and go to yoga where I am expected to be quiet for an hour.  And I love, love, love to eat out-- like the incredible sushi happy hour that keeps me up way too late.

What intimidates you?

Enough Said...

Ever since Pastor Mark asked me to offer the Mother's Day sermon I have not been able to sleep.  Frankly, it's awful.  So I had no clients today and I decided this would be the day I would get thoughts out of my mind and onto paper.  It has got to help.  And I still have three weeks.  I promised a copy to a few staffers at Stonebridge by the end of this week-- and the deadline is fantastic.  I am at the place where I need a break from it.  What better way to fill my time then post a few pictures for you all!



This is why I can't lose any weight.  Enough Said.



This is why I want to lose weight.  Enough said.



This is why nothing gets done around here.  Enough Said.



This is why I have a love/hate relationship with painting-- I hate cleaning the brushes.  Enough Said.



This is my drooling little boy.  He is getting his molars.  Enough Said!



This is the sweet boy up on the night of his birthday.  I am usually not this chipper at night.  Enough Said!

Happy Tuesday to you all.  See you again for Thursday's post!

On the journey,

Stef

Total Biff

So yesterday I had it all together.  I laid Dekker down for his morning nap and took a shower and blew dry my hair.  When he got up I put him in the bath and we played.  Then I let him play while I put on make-up and straightened my hair.  This was a good idea...it was great.  I even put on eye make-up.  Super big deal.  I put on a new shirt and sweater thing that I had gotten Tuesday at Ann Taylor Loft 40% off clearance.  And I put on my favorite Big Star jeans and the cute wedge sandals I got last year for my birthday in November (also on clearance).  I found two necklaces (one short and one long) and matching earrings.

I went downstairs and said to Dave, "I feel good today.  I feel like I am wearing clothes that fit and flatter my (new) body. "  I went on to say how happy I was that my pediatrician would see me in something other than my pajamas after being up all night.  Thankfully, I wasn't tearful, exhausted, etc.  This was a new look for me and sweet Dr. Walters.

Anyway, the appt was good, lunch was good, nap was good.  I decided to stretch the limits on the day and take a quick trip to Kohls to exchange some birthday gifts.  Dekker was super fussy, and after getting shots I wasn't totally surprised.  So I was quick about things.

On the way out of the store, I grabbed my adorable little BOY in one arm and my purse and bag in the other and strutted out the door in all my feeling good-ness-- jewelry and eye make-up and all.  I didn't see the faded orange markings that warned me of the shifting sidewalk, and I was on the ground!  I felt myself falling... I actually thought I was going to break my ankle because I felt my foot turn under the shoe and I knew a lot of weight was getting put on it, but there was little I could do to help myself because I was worried about sending Dekker across the pavement.  I kinda stumbled twice, then hit the ground.  Some man saw the whole thing.  He comes running over and asks if I'm okay.  As he tries to help me up I realized that my jeans had totally ripped in the knee.  (I mean I wear them so much they were pretty thin.)  AND, my knee was super scraped and bleeding.  So the man sticks out his hand and I say "My jeans are ripped."  Hahaha.  Priorities!  I was more embarrassed than anything.

Here is a picture of my knee.  Dave made fun of me for taking a picture.  He was harassing me and I was like, "Dave, the 9 people who read my blog will want to see this."



We made it to the car, I got Dekker strapped in, and I just kinda sat there.  I called Dave.  I was actually pretty sore.  I am sore.  But I will survive.  I contemplated saving the jeans-- a patch maybe? capri's maybe? But they are gone.  I am thinking I might go buy a new pair, I loved them that much.

Do you see them in the trash can?  So sad.  Also got harassed about taking this photo, if you can imagine! (Nothing like a good Fresca and banana.)



Have a safe day!

On the journey,

Stef

Hello, Wednesday

Today is a good day.  After all, Psalm 118:24 reminds me that, "This is the day which the Lord has made; we will be full of joy and delight in it."  I am reminded today that (Psalm 30) joy comes in the morning, (Nehemiah 8:10) the joy of the Lord is my strength.  We've got joy, people!  And I have a few Wednesday ramblings for you.

Rambling #1: We sold the alligator off of Craigslist.  So long little buddy-- he was a pond accessory and water actually shot out of his mouth-- kinda cool (just kinda).  Aside from the cash and de-cluttering the back yard, one of my favorite things about Craigslist is the PEOPLE.  I love the type of people who buy off Craigslist.  I am one of them.  I just can not get enough of people-- they fascinate me.  Last night this super nice man from Council Bluffs drove all the way to our house to hand us $40 for this beast.  And then told us a rather lengthy story about his turtle collection (it's live) all while the sweet neighbor boys tried to talk to all of us through the fence.  Then, he called my son a girl and repeatedly referred to him as "her."  I tried to correct him passively, by saying things like, "Yep, HE'LL have more grass to play in..." but it didn't work.



Rambling #2: My SON's hair may or may not need a cut.  Aside from nice-Craigslist-man, the nurse at our One Year well baby appointment told me today to "lay her right here."  I laughed.  I said, "He's a boy.  He might need a haircut."  She talked like a nervous person talked but finally did say that she should have known with a name like... Dekker.



Rambling #3: I love Chinese food.  My sweet husband took time off to go to the appointment with me today and then we went for lunch.  I love having lunch with Dave far more than Chinese food any day.  The server asked if we needed a highchair... "for him? her?"  Okay... I get it. 

Ode to Aunt God Love

... I can not get enough of posting today-- maybe it's the weather.  But I just had to get out of my head and onto this blog a few observations from my walk today.  I call this an ode to Aunt God Love because I had an Aunt Inez, who I never met but love her name, who apparently said "God Love" to everything.  So...

* God Love the grandma and her grandson who I see everyday as I walk past them in the park.  God love that we both go there at approximately 11:00AM.  Are you sneaking in the gorgeous weather in between morning nap and lunch, too?  God love that you park your Radio Flyer right in the sidewalk and I have to take my huge stroller and dog around it in the grass everyday.  We don't mind.  God love your matching track outfits today.  I think God really does love spandex pants or he wouldn't have made them...

* God love the 4 hills on my 4 mile route.  God love Dekker, who didn't cry until the last one.  It takes Mommy awhile to go 4 miles these days.

* God love Josie.  You are a hunting dog by nature.  You hunt anything, from squirrels to rabbits to weeds blowing in the distance.  I learn a lot from you and I love you.  God love you, that you are still my faithful companion even when I tug on your leash so hard that I secretly pray no one is filming it and turning it into the humane society.  God love you, you have heard more curse words out of my mouth than any other living thing.

* God love the creepy white van.  I'm sure you are simply trying to find an address as you creep down the street I am walking, but it's creepy.  I look you right in the eye like Oprah says so you know I can identify you.  God love all the traffic who hates you as you creep down the middle of the road.  These people only have 60 minutes for lunch, including commute time.  Try to pick a side.  They will gladly pass you.

* God love the grown son and elderly woman sitting on the porch.  Or maybe you are a repair man who stayed for lemonade.  I made up stories about you for a good mile.

And one more from a text I just got:
* God love my sister-in-law who just texted me a worry I forgot to add to my previous blog entry.  I am always worried that I am pregnant b/c I simply can not comprehend HOW the Nuva-Ring can possibly keep me from reproducing.

That's all for now.
God's love to you all!

Stef

PS I think I'll start counting points TOMORROW :)

Happy Birthday to My Little Man

I was encouraged to write my "birth story" (I actually find that phrase kinda creepy) down right after we had Dekker.  It sounded like another chore on no sleep.  But THANKFULLY I sent this in an e-mail format to my dad and his family, many of whom I had seen weeks earlier at my Grandma's funeral.  I found this, and decided to share it with the world wide web (or at least the seven of you who read this blog!) in honor of Dekker's first birthday.  The birth story follows, I added my comments now, a year later, in red:

First, I went to see my doctor on Wed, April 1st.  She told me that I have a "long ways to go" and that I would FOR SURE have a few more weekends to get things done around the house, etc.  She was so sure that I wasn't having that baby anytime soon that she didn't even schedule another appt for me for TWO weeks as she was out of town.  She thought there was "no need to see a partner" at the office when I'm not having this baby anyway.

Please note that I love Dr. Simmons at Lakeside OB-GYN.  I would recommend her to anyone.  At my follow up appointment she simply said, "Well, sometimes God laughs at our plans, doesn't He?"  She was honestly super surprised that I went from nothing to baby so quick... something she said we will keep in mind "next time."


So the following Friday I cleaned.  I joked that if this was considered "nesting" and a "burst of energy" that I am in trouble.  And folks, I was in trouble.  Let's be honest here, my house was a little bit of a pit and the nursery was in shambles! We had a great weekend, I got a massage, we did some work at the church (I hosted), and I helped host a bridal shower.  But I was MUCH more tired than I had been and I had decided that carrying around 25 extra lbs just does that to you after awhile!  Erin, I love you, but I was quite miserable at that shower.  Here is a picture from it:



Monday morning the 6th I went to the HR Service Center for our work-- thankfully just down the road and not across town like the hospital where I spend most of my days.  Since I work in a hospital, I have to be CPR Certified, and this was my annual CPR Re-certification.  This class was only from 8-10 and I had already rescheduled it several times due to my
trips to Colorado (remember, Grandma had been sick and I had been out of work).  Boy, I was SO HAPPY to get it done before maternity leave :)  The lady signing me in said "If you weren't so high and tight I'd be worried you were having a baby today."  I'd like to go back and punch that lady. Famous Last Words. 

Almost One...

... last night was the NCAA College Men's Finals.  One year ago I watched that game from Labor and Delivery.  I have been thinking a lot about my baby turning one and this is where I am today... "It's okay."  I am so thankful and so proud of myself that during this last year I really have arranged my life to spend a lot of time with Dekker.  I told myself often "he's only going to be six months once"  etc, etc, and it really helped me keep perspective as I switched jobs, saw very few clients in a week, etc.  I don't have many regrets and I think that is a great feeling to have.

Not to mention the fact that I just enjoy the heck out of him.  There are things about the next year that I just can't wait for-- like words, and parks, and the pool, and food and no more formula.  He is such a buddy to me, and I just can't wait to spend more time with him.  I am also reminded that my goal as a parent is to help him grow up.  What a shame if he never did.  So it's sad, in a way, but so exciting in another way.

Perhaps the most significant part of this week is the way God has changed me.  Being a mother has changed me, for the better, forever. 

Easter Eve Eve

Well, tonight is the eve of Easter eve.  It's Friday night and I know that with the excitement of the party and company on Saturday night that I won't get on this blog.  Anyway, a few thoughts here...

Easter has always been my favorite holiday.  I love the promise of eternal life that Easter represents.  I think of Easter nearly every time I take communion and every time I go to a funeral.  But I also love the promise of New Life that Easter represents for the today.  If our culture would allow it, I think I would switch how I celebrate Easter with Christmas... with lavish dinners, presents and celebrations, getting together with family, lots of parties, etc.  I do love Christmas, but I love Easter, too.  So anyway, I hope to make this fantastic holiday, Easter, a BIG DEAL at our house.

There have been two times in my life that I felt an incredible sense of victory in Jesus.  One was when the twins were born. 

Simplicity

The last few weekends have been really busy for David and me.  Two weekends ago I enjoyed a LOVELY "girls night out" with my small group- - where we sat in the hot tub and ate free pizza and talked until we had to "spring forward."  (I hate daylight savings time so much more with a child.)  Anyway, this weekend I went to a "Simplicity Party" on Saturday and shopped with my mom in Lincoln on Sunday and went to KC on Monday to visit my sweet friend Sarah and her adorable baby, Levi.  I have been really thinking about the Simplicity party and am trying to get the thoughts out of my head and somehow "out."  This is my best attempt.

If I had to sum up the party, I would say this: "Why do you have all this extra stuff in your home (and therefore your life and mind) when people in our community legitimately need it?"  I ask myself, "why do you have a closet and a half full of clothes that you no longer wear, when the women of the Lydia House could really use and wear it?"  (My work clothing would be great for the Journey To Work Program!)  Suddenly, keeping an entire wardrobe of clothes because I hope to someday be my highschool size seems a little selfish.  (And who am I kidding? 

From one Mae to another...

Today is the one year anniversary of my Grandma Soden's passing.  I loved her so much (and we share the same middle name, Mae).  She was so incredibly special to me, and I hope to write more as I process this day.  But for now I wanted to leave the eulogy I wrote and read at her funeral:



I am honored that Grandma and her kids have asked me to speak today, but let me confess… putting Grandma into words has been one of the hardest tasks I’ve ever been asked to do. I have asked many of you for input and I thank you greatly. I have prayed, tossed and turned, written, deleted and rewritten again. And still, I may not summarize it all. Simply put, there’s too much about Grandma to fit into this time, but I will try. And what I have forgotten, and the memories you have that you want to share, I hope will be the background music for the rest of this weekend, and years to come.

Let’s talk about the woman Grandma was:

Grandma was a fabulous cook, wasn’t she? In our home, we have all kinds of little tricks that she taught my mom and me. Together as a family, we have all kinds of recipes, smells, and traditions that started at her stove. Cinnamon Rolls, home-made dinner rolls, Chicken and Noodles, and true home cooked meals around her dinner table or out on the deck just to mention a few. Many of the grands and great-grands like Andrea and Ellie will also remind you of the vanilla and fudge swirl sundae cups she kept at her house. Grandma was never short on love, but she wasn’t short on great food, either!

Grandma was your biggest fan. If I had to guess, I would say that Grandma was present at at least one important event of every person here—and more likely, dozens of events that she may or may not have traveled hundreds of miles to attend. I love that Grandma loved watching us do ‘our thing’—maybe it was a ball game, a recital, a holiday or birthday or graduation, a wedding or shower—for you, your kids or your grandkids-- if there was any possible way Grandma could be there she was. Her love and pride for her family went beyond events though-- I think Becky said it best, “she made me feel special for who I am on the inside...and while she always was proud of her family's enormous personal and professional achievements, she seemed to know that they are really only minor considerations when it comes to the beauty that lies within…”

Grandma was selfless—in fact, probably one of the most selfless people you have ever known or will know. What truly made her happy was getting to experience the joy of the people she loved. When I first consulted my OB about traveling in late pregnancy, I cried. And she said “oh sweety, would this be your grandma’s first great-grandkid?” I laughed. “No, it would be her 29^th, but if you know Grandma she would love the 29^th just as much as the first!”

9 Month Check Up. Check.

Well, today I finally made it in to see Dr. Walters for Dekker's 9 month well baby check up.  He is, in fact, 10.5 months old-- but she has been on maternity and Dekker has been sick so, you know, we went today.  I really love my pediatrician.  Very sweet lady, busy but not rushed, and takes time to talk to me.  In reality, I hate hauling Dekker to the doctor (it was a high of 19 today), and between the upper respiratory stuff over the last month, I feel like I have been in there weekly. But today was a nice appointment to talk about development, food, napping, other milestones and what looks like an MSPI allergy that he hasn't yet outgrown.   She assured me that deciding what the heck to feed a baby from 9-12 months can be somewhat of a challenge ("for first time moms"-- whatever, I'll admit it), and is more difficult thanks to the allergy.  A lot of foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, etc are out.  Through our discussion, she thought he was probably okay with soy, but not "big dairy" (aka not hidden diary).  She said we will probably start with Rice Milk and move to Soy Milk fairly quickly and then try Cow's Milk.  I sighed.  Never did I imagine this.  But I will count my lucky stars.  He is a healthy, growing boy in the 50% for weight and 90% for length.  I wonder where he gets that height?!?

She also listened to my over-exaggeration of Dekkers nap troubles here lately- complete with "if I have a bald spot next time you see me" language--

Bedtime Top Ten

Top 10 Thoughts About Dekker's 7PM bedtime:

Top 5 reasons I love a 7PM bedtime (in no particular order):
1.  It gives Dave and I time to be a couple.  I love eating dinner together, talking, watching shows, sitting on the deck (remember when it was warm enough to do that?).  Dave, I love you, and our time together has changed so much with the blessing of a child-- I love connecting with you in the evenings.
2.  It gives me time for housework, cleaning the kitchen, packing diaper bags and lunch pails and paying bills.  Blah!  This stuff stinks but it has to be done at some point.
3.  It gives me time to do hobbies I enjoy-- like reading blogs, blogging, reading books, going to 7:30 yoga down the street, talking to Beth on the phone.
4.  It gives me time to relax.  I might be the only 2? year old that enjoys a good, hot bath.  This has become such a stress reliever for me, and I love having a half hour to relax and recharge.
5.  I love that I can do the above things and still get to bed by a reasonable hour, say 10:30.

Top 5 reasons a 7PM bedtime is difficult.
1. Days like today.  This is what got my wheels turning.  I left the house at 9AM and walked in the door at 6:30PM, just in time for PJ's, bottle and bed.  This rarely does happen but when it does it is very sad for me.  It also cuts down on the time Dave sees Dekker, as he gets off work at 5.  Thankfully he works in the basement and gets lots of time during the day and throughout the evening.
2.  It is admitting-ly hard to be home by 7PM every night.  I feel like we miss out on a lot of social events, game parties, dinners out with other families, etc because we try really hard to be home by 6:30 or 7.  This is even more true in the summer.
3.  We have dinner with Dave's family every Monday night.  This is so important to us that we keep Dekker up for it, but that doesn't mean he's very fun company.  The same is true for small group on Tuesday nights (so we host every week and put him to bed).His little body is in such a routine that no matter where we are he falls asleep, or is crabby until he does (sweet thing).
4.  I have discovered a tendency to leave everything until after bed.  So I put Dekker down and then run around doing all the housework, laundry, bills, relaxing, work paperwork, etc.  I must discipline myself to do this at other times in the day, too.  I haven't yet figured out how to keep him occupied (and out of the dog's water dish) while doing some of this stuff.  I'm sure I'll get better at this Motherhood thing with time.
5.  Probably the most obvious, an early wake up time.  Dekker wakes up between 7 and 7:30 every morning.  Now, I work 2 days a week and this is perfect.  On the other days, there is absolutely no sleeping in.  If I keep him up until 8 or even 9, he will still wake up at 7 or even EARLIER.  He is a classic, text book definition of "Early to Bed, Late to Rise."

Well, again, this was good for me to get off my chest.  I was really struggling on the way home from work today that I would only see him for 30 min tonight.  But after writing this down, I am still totally glad that his bedtime is so early.  It is really good for his body, good for our marriage, and good for the rare nighttime babysitter-- even if it's not ideal for our social calendar or evening work hours.  If you want a good book to read on childhood sleep, check out Good Night, Sleep Tight. We loved it.

Tomorrow is my Friday AM weigh in and I am still cautiously optimistic.  Details to come.

On the Journey.

Stef

Bargain Shopping

When Dave and I got married he was 21 and I was 23.  To say we had no money is an understatement.  We, thankfully (oh, so thankfully) stumbled onto a "Good Sense" Money Management class.  So we set up a Spending Plan (aka Budget) and were very diligent about sticking to it, which took some creativity and sacrifice.  We only took out student loans for tuition.  We never used a credit card.  And, we believed in "allowance" -- or basically having your "own" money to do with whatever you wanted without the other asking.  We got $6 each a WEEK.  Hey, that is nearly $50 a month, and for two part-time interns and full time students, that was A LOT of money.  So needless to say, we have somewhat prided ourselves with being bargain shoppers for some time now.

Thankfully, we did eventually graduate from school, get jobs and we continued with a budget.  Our budget really needs readjusted now that my income is variable and we have, um, a kid.  Anyway, we shop around, use lots of coupons and coupon codes, and very much take our time making any big purchase.  We beg, borrow and buy on Craigslist.  When we had Dekker, I poured over the pages of Baby Bargains.  And it was sometime then that it really struck me that you can get the SAME THING barely used for half the price, or never used and uber cheap if you are willing to do your research and a little extra leg-work.  For example, I bought a BOB Jogging Stroller for literally 1/3 the price.  The guy who sold it to us explained that it spent the last two years in his wife's trunk.  Incredible.  We use that thing almost everyday Spring-Fall and it would have been worth it full price, let alone at this price!  Wow.

Okay, well all of this is leading up to Tuesday's events this week.

Cautious Optimism

First (if you've been wondering) I wanted to let you know that I did in fact weigh myself before we left for Michigan and I had lost one pound.  I'll hold my sarcastic tongue and excuses and just say that 5 lbs total in 2 weeks is thrilling.  I may have taken a few steps backward while on said trip, but I planned ahead really well with my bonus points so I am cautiously optimistic that come Friday I will maintain.  No hopes for a loss with all the food and no workouts.  Maybe next week.  Right now I am eating 4 points of Sweettarts, my Valentine's Day gift to myself.  They are delish and since I have zero food in this house, I know I won't be going over more than 2 points today.  Ug.  I am half heart-idly considering walking on the treadmill during American Idol tonight.  We'll see.

I also wanted to share this excellent Jambalaya recipe.  It is pointed at 8 points a serving, and you'll want to double check what is considered a serving.  Thank you again Amanda and Nathan for introducing us to this after Dekker was born.  It is very family friendly, and it's Milk and Soy free (I think??), FYI, in case you or someone you know is looking (or you're taking a meal to a friend).  You can consider substituting whole grain brown rice, which I believe would take the points down.

If you're wondering how I have time to sit and make lengthy blog posts in the middle of the day on a Tuesday (work day) it's because I'm home with a sick Dekker today.  (Who just woke up from his nap... more later)... ... ...

... ... ... I considered one super long post today, but it's now been six hours since Dekker woke up and I have been busy chasing him around, getting dinner together (aka warming up a Lean Cuisine), walking on the treadmill (which I almost did pant-less b/c I couldn't find a clean pair to save my soul-- can you workout without pants in your own home?) and talking to Dave.  So I'm settling for two shorter posts and hope to get to post some interesting things happening lately come tomorrow.  For now, I am tempted to stay up late, blog and watch the Olympics, but Goodness Knows that Dekker won't understand why I want to sleep in tomorrow :)  So good-night all.



On the journey.

Stef