Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Book Study

I am embarking on a book study with some wonderful ladies-- "God's Girls" so we've come to call ourselves-- at work.  We are studying through the book "Made to Crave: Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food" by Lysa Terkeurst.  My initial thought was that this would be interesting at best, but it has hit home much closer than I anticipated.  How often do I run to food for comfort, as a reward, when I feel joy or experience stress, when I am sad, happy or bored?  Painfully, more often than I'd like.  The issue at hand isn't my pant size, but my heart condition.  And one is growing and the other isn't, if you get my drift.

God never intended we love anything more than we love him.

Interesting!  I particularly related to the story in Matthew 19, where a rich young man comes to see Jesus and explains that he is following all the rules but recognizes something is missing.  "All of these (rules) I have kept", he says to Jesus.  "What do I still lack?"  Jesus responds by telling him to sell all his possessions to the poor.  And the man goes away... sad... because he doesn't want to give up the ONE thing that consumes him. 

In other words-- Jesus wants us to give up the one thing we crave more than Him.

What is it for you?  What do you crave more than God?  Is it food?  Appreciation?  Comfort?  Money?  Pleasing others?   Clothes?  Home decor?  Well behaved kids?  A well taken care of house?  Exercise?  Being well respected at work?  Approval from peers? Appearance?

As I prepare for our book study, does anyone have an idea about how we can "reward" ourselves without food?  This might show you how far gone I am.  I can't imagine rewarding myself with a pedicure or new shirt, because then aren't I trading one craving for another?  Is the answer here that I should pray to be content celebrating with God and not "rewarding" myself on this green Earth?  Can I reward myself with a new iTunes download if it's Christian music?  This is me, calling out for help :)  Would love to hear from you on this one.

The other thing I have been thinking honestly about is all my excuses for not eating more healthy and maintaining an overall healthy lifestyle.  Things like:
* It's not that bad the way it is.
* I should learn to love myself the way I am
* It's my age
* It's my metabolism
* It's my genetics
* Surely it's not Runza, hamburgers and fries and chips!
* This is a bad time to start a new healthy lifestyle-- I'm pregnant.
* This is a bad time to start a new healthy lifestyle-- I have small kids.
* I have the rest of my life to be healthy
* I should focus more on Dekker/raising kids for this season of life

I am putting together that the most important thing I can do to be the Mom, friend, wife, daughter, employee, that I can be is to love God more.  And to love God more, I need to surrender the things that I crave more than Him.

I hate to write this publicly.  Next time you see me saddled up to the salsa at La Mesa just know I'm a work in progress, okay.

Bless you all.

On the journey,
Stef

Sunday, May 15, 2011

New Beginnings

Can I just say that I count my job as one of the most difficult blessings I have ever endured.  I am a person of great anxiety without God's help.  I listen to people share the story of how my greatest fears have acted out in their life.  I am in a constant battle to trust God more, as I turn over to Him my fears and trust that even IF something like this happens to me-- He will be there.  My patients are some of the most courageous, honest, faithful people I know.

That being said, it has been a difficult two years since making the move from the hospital to private practice.  It was very difficult at first, which I expected to some degree.  Toss in a 5 month old and I was humbled.  Now, toss in a 2 year old and a newborn come this fall, and I am... ready to move on.  I can't say enough how this has nothing to do with the actual work that I do.  I love sitting in session guiding and encouraging the people God has brought to me.  But I don't love checking my work phone and email seven days a week, being "on call" for emergencies 24 hrs a day, returning calls at 11PM-- or over my entire nap time for that matter.  I don't love the hours of paperwork I do and working 10 hour days only to see four clients.  I am my own secretary, office manager, emergency on-call line, files auditor, marketing manager, suicide prevention hot-line, case consultant... you get the picture.  I am a one man show.  I have worked with professionals and friends over the past two years to have better boundaries, to leave work at work, to find some help with tough cases, to take care of myself, to do strategic marketing, to keep up on my paperwork.  It has helped tremendously.  But what I have realized over the last year-- and 6 months particularly-- is that this is not the type of work God has wired me up to do.

Counseling is for me.  I have spent a lot of time in thought and prayer trying to answer the questions "Is it what I'm doing" or "Where I'm doing it?"  The answer I have decided is... both... for now.

"Where I'm doing it?"  I can't imagine a day when I go back into private practice.  I would love to do individual counseling in a clinic, or in a hospital again-- but I doubt it will be on my own.  I am wired up to work with a team of people.  Period.

"What I'm doing?"  I also can't imagine going the rest of my life without going back to traditional counseling someday.  But I can't foresee being the mom and wife I want to be juggling a caseload like what I have right now.  This is the ... for now... that I referenced above.  I'm ready for a break, and any counselor-educator will tell you that a burnt out counselor is no counselor at all.

"So what's next?"  Well, I have been praying about this regularly.  In November I had a painful discussion with the owner of the practice where I sit.  Since then, I have been praying and praying that God would help me live out my "Strongest Life."  On New Years Eve I cried to my dad on my Grandma's couch in Colorado.  I remember saying "something has to change!"  He is wise, and he told me to be strategic but to not stay in a job that is getting me down "just because."  In January, I made a 6 month commitment to myself that I would quit looking at other practices and develop a thankful and willing attitude at work.  Which I think I have done a great job at.   I committed to praying about my work future and seeking wise counsel.  I wanted to be strategic, and cause the least amount of transition to the wonderful families and people I work with.

Last fall I taught ONE CREDIT at Grace University in the Graduate Counseling Department. It was a great experience.  I kept praying about this-- thinking that it felt good in my soul-- strong, if you will.  I started applying for adjunct positions this spring (for the fall), then stopped when I found out I was pregnant.  Who wants to hire a pregnant adjunct?  Then a great opportunity came up this spring when Nebraska Christian College approached me to teach half-time in the Family Life and Counseling department.  My mentor and friend is leaving, and his open office left an open space for me.  I have been interviewing and negotiating.  I signed the papers last Friday.  It will be two days a week, 2 classes a semester.  My hours are 9:00-4:30.  No nights.  No on-call.  They are willing to work around my "family schedule".  I start in August, and I am THRILLED.

I met up with said mentor for a two hour meeting Thursday.  He was super honest about the challenges of teaching and the BIG job I have ahead of me regarding curriculum and balancing this new job with the challenges of balancing a newborn.  Well said, good friend.

To say I am relieved is an understatement.  The past two years have been full of depression and self-doubt and struggle-- and mono, weight gain, and a horrible blow to my self-esteem.  I am praying that working within the way God has wired me up (a weaver and teacher via the Strong Life Test) will relieve some of this. At the same time, going through this season of life has kept me humbled and on my knees-- to say the least.  I hope my work is never so "good" that I'm not forced to my knees.

Finally, big thanks to Marcus Buckingham for showing me that I don't have to fight against my strengths and can instead find ways to work within them.  He hits the nail on the head that most women spend so much energy trying to prove to ourselves and others that we can overcome our weaknesses (i.e. like working alone in a private practice) instead of working within our strengths.  If that sounds like something you need to learn more about you should check out his book "Find your Strongest Life," but be warned-- it's not a light read.

Here's to new beginnings.

On the journey,
Stef

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Allergy Testing

I am sure that my faithful three readers are thrilled to see a new post-- and about the very exciting world of allergy testing to boot :)  God Love you.  We did have an experience this week that I thought was worth writing about.

First, you should know that I have terrible allergies.  My neighbor in McCook used to call me "the kid with all the allergies."  As a young child, I would repeatedly get sick-- just over and over again.  In fact, at this time in my life I once heard my (very calm but at the time frustrated) mom use the term "dumb doctor"-- probably on the phone explaining to a girlfriend that they couldn't stop the infections from re-occurring.  So they did several types of tests and my mom explains that it was somewhat scary not knowing the problem.  I can only imagine myself in her shoes-- heaven help my anxiety and please Lord stop my fingers from typing childhood cancer into Google one more time.  Anyway, she took me to another doctor at some point, where I repeated the phrase "that dumb doctor better not say its just an infection" on the table, in front of the doctor.

Blah Blah, finally they did some allergy testing and low and behold, I was allergic to everything non-food.  Almost every environmental allergy, all indoor allergies, cats, other farm animals, dust, dirt-- seriously I'd have to live in a bubble to avoid them.  So, in the 2nd grade, I had my first allergy surgery where they went in through my gums (like my mouth) and put a "window" in my sinus to help drain things.  Years later we discovered this surgery was highly unsuccessful.  I did allergy shots into adulthood, nose sprays, another procedure, and eventually learned to be as proactive as possible-- and to live with it.  That's why last summer's bout with mono was so weird-- my doctor and I kept thinking it was allergies.  Though I am not the expert, nor do I order the testing-- thank you very much.  #youmissedthediagnoises

So Dekker has a history of MSPI, dry skin patches, and re-occurring ear infections-- all signs of allergies.  We're not sure if he had mono last summer too, or not-- but he has been sick a lot.  This April at his 2 year appointment our family doctor was concerned that he was "only mouth breathing" and stated that he does have almost constant upper respiratory distress.  He sounds like a cat when he breaths.  So she started him on Zyrtec and suggested allergy testing.  I put it off, and several weeks of Zyrtec later he wasn't any better.  I called and asked if there was anything else they could do for him.  The doctor added a nose spray and a curt reminder that I had not followed her order yet to get testing.  So I made an appointment with the allergist.

I was skeptical.  To say the least.  My sweet friend Suzanne, a PA, explained to me the benefits with a general "Why not?" attitude, coupled with "You're going to meet your massive deductible anyway..." and I decided to be compliant with my doctor.  This also started my rants involving statements like, "I already know he has allergies.  To know grass vs dust does not help me?"  And, "Seriously, who does NOT have allergies?" 

Monday Dave and I took him in.  Do I have the best husband or what?  They did a thorough history.  This is the best Dekker has been in a long while, and since we started the nose spray he had been miraculously better.  They wrote numbers up his back, pricked over the number with environmental allergies, indoor allergies, and some food allergies.  We were instructed to walk the halls for 15 minutes and distract him.  This was no problem and in 15 minutes that kid was as happy as a shirtless toddler at the water-fountain.

He had no allergies.

Nope, not one.  What the Heck?  Why all the illness?  The sweet doctor explained that he has reflux.  "REFLUX?"  No spit up here, lady doctor.  I mean he spit up a lot as a baby, but not now.  She went on to educate me about toddler reflux and how the main concern is inflammation.  This creates an environment for common colds to get out of hand and become infections.  Apparently, ear infections are also very common with reflux, and it is almost always worse at night.  And guess what the best treatment for the reflux is?  The nose spray.  It is an anti-inflammatory.  No wonder he has been doing so well.  This is not a rare diagnosis, but it's not overly common, either.  In the end, his bump-less back was "good news."

All in all, I want a happy healthy kid.  So I am SO glad we did the testing.  No more Zyrtec.  No need to keep giving him medicine he won't need.  And hopefully the nose spray will help keep his colds manageable, which means less antibiotics, which I am thrilled about.  To see his totally clear back was somewhat humbling, but I have decided there is nothing embarrassing about trying to be a good mom, even if I did misdiagnose him in the form of my rants all month.  After all, I am not a doctor.  And my doctor missed the boat on this one, too.  #youmissedthediagnosisagain.  Though to her credit, she sent me for the testing because this isn't her specialty, either.

So there you have it.  We had stopped the nose spray 36 hrs before the appt and I was giving it to him in the parking lot!!  We had a great experience at Midwest Asthma and Allergy, and we hope to never go back there :)  And even though I personally can not even fathom a life without allergies, I'm so glad my son will get to!

On the journey,
Mae

Friday, April 8, 2011

Quick 5

Well I'm kinda sad that all my posts are called Quick 5.  I need to do a better job of getting to this blog, especially because I love it. 

On any account, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond today.  As I've said before I could fill up a cart there in a nanosecond and frankly I really have to watch myself.  Because suddenly I think that I need everything in sight-- like a fancy coffee maker (really might need one of those!), hamburger patty maker, dog bed, colorful tote, clearance pillow-- or anything off their impressive "As Seen On TV" wall.  Take me now, I need a list and a budget before I go there.  Thankfully, shopping with a 2 year old puts the brakes on things fairly quickly as he doesn't really offer a lot of time to lolly-gag around the store.  When we run errands he typically entertains himself with the cart seat-belt, which he likes to try and put together but can't quite get yet ("don't pinch yourself....").  Today he entertained himself by saying "hi" to every.single.person and by singing to himself.  The combo was DELIGHTFUL and absolutely adorable.  After a morning of whining and crying and getting into everything, I was thankful for a happy, contained boy.

Here is what I bought--
1.  A new non stick pan.  Simply Calphon Nonstick pan.  David hates ours, and I equally do-- and he has asked me several times to get a new one.  This one is hand wash only.  Did you know all non-stick is suppose to be washed in "non citrus" soap-- so no lemon scent, flowery scent, etc.  I asked for help and the little gal pointed me in the direction of several, and I chose this one based on price and quality-- it feels perfectly "middle ground" to me.  Planned purchase.  With a coupon.

2.  Salad Spinner.  I went with the OXO brand because I think they own half of BB&B.  Anyway, I feel like my salad has tasted "dirty" lately, so this was on my list even though I had no idea it was $30!  I got our first one as a gift (and I loved it) and I think Dekker broke it as a baby because who wouldn't love a glorified "top" in the kitchen cabinet.  My mother in law recently discovered some fantastic salad dressing plus my subscription to e-mealz has me eating more salads--- I forgot where I was going with that.  Planned purchase.  With a coupon.

But my son was just being so well behaved and I was roaming the aisles.  I was out of coupons, and I think purchasing anything there without one is against the law, but nay, there I wondered.

3.  Dish Drying Mat.  Even as I look that link up I am thinking, "What?  It's for dedicates?"  Well, I bought it because it looks super absorbent and I'm going to need that with my hand-washing non-stick, you know.

4.  Non-stick grilling basket.  Don't even ask and it was $6.  But I have high hopes that I can grill up all those veggies I plan to buy at the Farmers Market this summer.  Of course, that would mean that I plan ahead to get up and go to the Farmers Market, but you know. 

5.  Earthstone Grill Stone.  "Common Dekker, we need to go.  Mommy's out of money."

I mentioned my e-mealz subscription and all I can say is that I'm not ready to say anything yet.  We have tried a few recipes and have found the ingredients to be flexible, so I'm still giving it at least a moderate thumbs up at this time.  I loved having my grocery list printed for me and categorized!

I have been loving this weather and walking quite a bit.  So thankful for the warm sun, a sweet and healthy boy, a flexible job to be at home with him, a hard working hubby that makes it happen.  We are counting our blessings, for sure.

On the journey,
Stef

Monday, April 4, 2011

Quick 5

Oh my goodness I do not know where my time goes but it has not involved this blog for too long.   For some reason, when I get behind enough, I just kinda shrug like "Where do I start?" and then I don't start at all.  blah blah yada yada yada.

So I will add a few "quick" updates as they come to my mind:
1.  Dekker turns 2 this Thursday.  I can not have a birthday of his without remembering the day my water broke in CPR class and we met him for the first time.  Or the way I bossed the nurses around demanding a grilled cheese sandwich, and the way my husband looked as he was transformed into a Dad.  God has been so.good.to.us. 
2.  We had a crazy weekend with a fun party at the indoor play area at our church and my folks stayed Saturday night.  Dekker got lots of great toys, like a lawn mower, trike, wagon, tool bench and basketball hoop.  He also got some great new books and some clothes and probably other things I'm forgetting but am grateful for.  He has lots of words now like: eye, elbow, Mom, MOM, Hi, Dad, GraPa, Nana, Josie, No, NO, pew-y, please, more, and the list goes on.  He is so big.
3.  Admist all my love for him, we had a stay at home day today.  I purposefully planned nothing for today knowing we'd be recovering from the weekend.  I was thrilled it was so windy when I woke up, because that gives me a great excuse to play inside all day.  Except that by 10AM I'm clutching the Lego's bag half insane claiming "No, we are not going to dump these out again Dekker" and trying to forget my problems with Kathie Lee and Hoda.  I think my mental health might have done better with a walk and break at the park!
4.  I downloaded my first "E-Mealz" shopping list and menu today.  I got a $2/month special off one of the thousand on-line daily coupon sites (which I love) called moolala.com.  So I spent $12 for 6 months and then had a limited selection of menus to chose from.  I wanted to do the Weight Watchers menu but it wasn't available with the special so I did the low-fat instead.  This week's menu does look good.  It even has side dishes.  My list took approximately 5 minutes to print out, modify and add some of our staples to.  I'm headed to the store when Dekker gets up.  No real feedback yet-- I'll see how the shopping, recipes, portions, etc turn out before I get too excited.  E-Mealz has limitations for sure, but I'm as excited as I have been in awhile about menu planning and grocery shopping.
5.  My bestie Beth and I had a wonderful long weekend in Des Moines.  We saw the movie Lincoln Lawyer, which was suspenseful and fun.  We shopped World Market and the beautiful Jordan Creek mall.  We ate at lots of fun restaurants not in Omaha.  And we did a 1/2 day at a spa staffed by students.  It was quite the experience!  They were late getting started but the massage and facial were pretty good.  The mani/pedi was rushed and, frankly, horrible and the scalp massage/hair wash/blow-dry didn't happen because we were so far behind the gun due to the late start.  I wrote an email that night to the "spa" and I have been playing phone tag with the staff to see who to send it to.  Basically, though it was still a great experience and seriously gave us enough material to laugh about for years.
I am forgetting so much!  But for now I am going to spend the last 15 minutes of this nap time picking up around here!
On the Journey,
Stef

Saturday, March 5, 2011

It's the Pits

Gather round ladies... let's have virtual coffee and chat about something I absolutely hate talking about.  I feel the best thing for me to do is blog about it because there is nothing more private than the world wide web. Right?!?

Well, there have always been certain things I wanted to do and certain things Dave wanted to do.  Dave had always wanted Lasik Eye Surgery, which he got in December 2009.  He loves it, by the way.  He believes it was the freakiest thing to have ever happen to his body, but everyday he loves it.  He got that done and encouraged me to cross something off my "bucket list."  It seemed like a good idea.  I was working, and we don't budget my paychecks, we were inbetween kids and even sleeping at night.  In general, life has been in a pretty nice holding pattern for the last year or so.

So, I took him up on it.  I got laser hair removal.

I took a referral from a friend for a "med-spa" in West Omaha (by the swanky eye doctor, by the way).  I had always wanted my underarms done.  Not because I hate shaving them, but because my dark hair shows up under my light skin, even after I shave.  It has always been something that I am terribly embarrassed about-- as in every summer, softball season, basketball season, prom dress and wedding day.  Every time I put my hair in a pony tail and wore short sleeves. You may not realize how often people actually see your pits, but trust me.  I remember on my wedding day, my photographer encouraging me to put my arm around Dave's neck when I sat on his knee.  No way.  Look through every picture of me you have and I can almost promise my arms are down.

So the particular med-spa I went to had a special: Pay for all 6 underarm treatments up front, and get 6 bikini treatments free.  Heck yes.  Another "trouble area" with this black hair and light skin-- sign me up.  So I wanted to give you all a few thoughts about this process, now that it is over.  I had my last treatment just after our cruise.

* Surprisingly to me, the goal of laser hair removal is not total removal.  It is 85% reduction.
* Success completely depends on zapping the hair during the right phase of hair growth.  So it is a guessing game to some extent.  This is why you need to wait 4-6 weeks in-between treatments for best results.  If you get laser hair removal yourself, I encourage you to do your own research and make sure that your spa is timing the treatments correctly.  I saw a lot of spas doing 6 treatments in 6 weeks.  Bummer for those people.
* Once the hair is zapped in the right hair growth phase, it is gone forever.
* The darker the hair and lighter the skin the better candidate you are.  This made me an excellent candidate.  If you have a lot of blond hairs that you can't see until the sun hits them, you are not a good candidate. (And I don't feel one ounce sorry for you :)
* The "med spa" world has a lot of turn over in it's clinicians.  I only chose a spa where the laser technologists were Physician Assistants or Nurse Practitioners-- Master's Level medical professionals.  I take this seriously, even if it costs a little more. 
* The med-spa clientele is somewhat "needy."  They are often cash paying for elective procedures.  I might have fallen into this category, as I insisted that I only would come on a Tues/Thurs at 10AM.  Lol.  I was not going to line up extra daycare for this, miss a client, miss a nap time.  I was insistent and not afraid to remind them how much I was paying per treatment.  As a result of this somewhat entitled clientele, there is high turnover in the med spa world.  For those Master Level technicians, they are working odd hours, evenings, and weekends taking care of "needy" and demanding clients. They are paid per treatment on a "commission" basis.  Can't say I blame them.  Or me.
* Even still, each of the three clinicians I saw (only one actually quit to take a job in a family care clinic), each had years of experience and assured me that the training was rigorous.  "I take a laser to people's faces, " one of them told me.  She said they have a high rate of liability and must do it right each time.
* It hurts like hell heck.
* It is a weird hurt that is over the minute the treatment is done.  By the time you are dressed, you've forgotten.  There is little they can do to help with the hurt, save an ice-pack on the area before the laser hits it.  Still, I often had to ask them to stop so I could catch my breath-- which they completely understood.
* I never cried.  My technicians said most women don't, but that men do.  She believed they had a lower pain tolerance, and also were generally getting large areas like their back done.  I would cry for sure if my area was that big.  Some areas are more painful than others due to skin sensitivity as well as underlying bones and nerves, and to no surprise the bikini is one of the most painful (yet small).
* The most common area for women is the face-- upper lip, sideburns, eyebrows, etc.  However, this is also the area with the worst overall results (though they are still showing significant reduction) due to the fact that a lot of that hair growth is driven by hormones.
* If this works, and I have the time and budget, I'd love to get my lower legs done (from over the knee to the toes).  Though apparently the shin bone and ankles are very painful.  And that is a much larger area.  It's not that I don't like shaving, it's that I could shave everyday and still look like I need to.
* I say "If" this works, because I had this done once before about 11 years ago.  Granted, the lasers and research weren't what they are now, and I only had 3 treatments and I don't know how long in-between-- so I am skeptical.  However, I have been very pleased with the results.
* I loved the cruise that much more because of these treatments.  Particularly my bikini line, but I also loved not being self conscious in my short-sleeved shirts.

I can't wait for spring.  I love my jogging walking stroller.  I have several walk routes with parks on them and I'm looking forward to spending the mornings getting moving and sharing some time with Dekker.  I also love my in-laws gorgeous country club pool, and am thrilled Dekker will finally be old enough to "get" water parks, sprinkler parks and pools.  Bring it.  I'm thrilled to wear tank tops and say good-bye to the "Farmers Tan" I've sported for the last 28 summers!

I would give a high referral thus far to Sage Spa here in Omaha.  If this is something you are considering I hope you'll talk to me.

On the journey,
Stef

Friday, March 4, 2011

Quick 5 (Status Updates that never made it to facebook this week)

1.  Stefanie Rowe...is trying not to count how many times I've huffed Afrin this week.  It's addictive you know.  But it works sooo well on this cold/allergies/misery. (Monday)
2.  Stefanie Rowe... has a big break in her day and instead of spending it on paperwork, ran home and took a short nap.  So not feeling well. (Tuesday)
3.  Stefanie Rowe... Took Dekker to HyVee.  Glad I did because those breathing treatments weren't going to help with the double ear infection. (Wednesday)
4.  Stefanie Rowe... just ran into Bag N Save to grab lip hair tweezers, face lotion and lip gloss before returning to work.  A little powder and I can face the public again.. (Thursday)
5.  Stefanie Rowe... praying said purchase at Bag N Save stays 'pending' in the bank account until the paycheck comes through at mid-night.  Yikes and Dang it. (Thursday).

And a bonus:
6.  Stefanie Rowe... considering the effects of Lanolin on my "Rudolph" nose.  Thanks, @ Becky Sallinger for the idea. (Friday)

 In all honesty, it was a rough start to this week.  On Wednesday Dekker was just a mess and I was, too.  I ran him into HyVee after he took a 50 min nap and woke up coughing so hard he was sobbing.  I felt so lousy that I wanted to sob, too.  The APRN was very nice and patient and diagnosed a double ear infection, which made me feel better in a weird sort of way.  Two doses of medicine and he was a new man.  I had a busy week in my clinic with rare morning appointments, which created some "gaps" in my day.  I usually get all my files up to date when this happens but just couldn't this week.  Bummer.   Looking ahead I'll have some time next week.  Here's to up-to-date paper files by this time next week.

Finally, I think everyone should check out my friend Beth's blog this week.

On the journey,
Stef