Hello to Vision

For some reason I am certain that the four of you who read this just really want to know about my vision issues.  Really, you do, don't you.  You like to hear about my glasses and sunglasses, and... get ready... my contacts!

A brief review: I have worn glasses almost my entire life.  Like since 4th grade I have had a pair of glasses laying around that I would maybe put on when I went to sit at a computer or out to a movie.  Months would go by and I wouldn't wear them.  In college, I wore them more when I sat down at a computer or textbook for an extended period of time, more because I thought I should.  Then, like almost everything else in my life, this changed when I had Dekker.  I am telling you that I spent the first 6 months of his life squinting.  After much prodding, especially from my Mom, I went to the eye doctor and sure enough, I am one of the many who have a dramatic eye change after pregnancy and here is my new prescription.  I hauled everyone I know to Target and finally bought a pair of glasses.  And later a pair of prescription sunglasses.  And since then I can not take them off.  I am... addicted.  Turns out good vision is a necessity.  I have a cute pair of thick rimmed glasses that are a style statement and help me see.  Here I am in them in Vegas.

Well, anyway, they are always falling off my face.  And they slip even more in the summer if I sweat and there is no going about working out in them.  And they are always dirty.  After this holiday season, when I was uploading 100's of photos to facebook, I noticed that in almost every picture they were half off my face. At least, that's how I see it.  Like this...

So I decide that it's time I either get new, better "everyday glasses" or contacts. 
Then, after changing my profile picture to this random one...

... and getting tons of compliments I was CERTAIN that what everyone must have liked was me, sans the glasses :)  My mind is corrupt, people.  So after 14 hours on the phone with BCBS of Michigan and then VSP, my eye insurance people... I finally got an appt at a swanky West Omaha clinic, who happens to be close to my babysitter, on the way to work, and in-network. 

The eye doctor was about my age and was reliving his college swimming and football days, then made a face I couldn't quite read when I told him my last check-up was at Sams Club.  Yes, pal, I am not in the market for the Gucci glasses out there, sorry.  I'm more of a Target gal on a Wal-Mart budget, if you get my drift.

Well, on and on and on and 45 minutes later I have my new prescription, have watched the demo video, and after 6 tries ("boy, you have a strong blink reflex") he has the contacts in my eye.  Then I go to the "contact area" to learn from a qualified tech receptionist how to take them out and put them in.

First, the little contact learning area is in the middle of everyone.  Second, I have an aversion to things in my eye.  This is why Dave gave me the sudden look of shock when he asked what my schedule looked like for the day.  With over 25 rounds of pink eye (thanks again, Mono) in the last year you would think I would be good at eye-drops.  Nay, Dave has to put them in every time, four times a day.  Another perk of working from home.  Because I'm sure this is what Dave had in mind when he signed on to work from home.

So let's just say I was at the little contact area for awhile-- like nearly, oh, I'm not sure, an HOUR.  I, for the life of me, could not not blink when my fingers came plunging at my EYE.  My eye, people.  I only have two!  Excuse me, you want me to squeeze that thing off my eyeBALL?  Several people had walked by and casually asked "how's it going?" I didn't respond and the tech receptionist said nice things like, "coming along."  I didn't see if she was rolling her eyes because I was too busy trying to take something out of my eye, without seeing my finger about to poke out my eye, without blinking.  Mercy.

At one point I got so nervous I started making jokes.  "It's a hot mess, that's how it's going."  or another, "It's a train wreck over here-- look away."  I was saying positive statements to myself like, "You've breastfed a baby, surely you can do this!"  I'm not sure their Gucci loving, Coach carrying crowd was ready for me.  At one point, the contacts were STILL in, and I had an appointment in my office in like 30 minutes.  So I sincerely asked if I could just leave and figure it out with my contact-knowledgeable husband at home.  The lady informed me this is against the law.  So I just bucked up and may or may not have rubbed my left eye really hard to get it out.  Then somehow got them back in and ran out of there.  But only before my Health Savings Acct card was rejected.  (I just remembered I need to call them.)

All day at work I was sure they were falling out.  And I was panicked about how to get them out at home.  But nevertheless, I got them out-- with an audience (Dave)-- who was actually very supportive.  At one point he told me I can't hurt my eye and apparently that's what it took.

Are they in today?  No.  Maybe they are "work" contacts.  I'm still not sure, but suddenly I feel like I need to call the bank.

On the journey,
Mae