On The Journey

A Colorado High

2012-02-29T15:48:00.003-06:00

It was about eight years ago that the doctors called in hospice and told my Grandpa (Papa) to get his affairs in order. It was a scary, sad time-- the usual laughter and joking of their house in Colorado became tearful, somber, and reflective. The family came and said good-bye. We cried and grieved. Then... he rallied. In fact, he recovered. He sent out "I got well" cards. He started going back out to the ranch, even rode in a few rodeos. It. Is. Incredible. Then, he restored a truck. (Don't tell his fancy doctors that he holds his oxygen to the side while he welds!) My Papa is so full of determination and courage, laughter and joy that I named my second born after him. There is something about being so sternly reminded that his days are numbered that makes me pause to enjoy time with my Papa that much more. And I want my kids to know him and my Mimi and their amazing spirit. So, this last weekend my mom and I took the boys for a wonderful long weekend.

The trip out there took 10 hours on Friday. On Saturday, after nap time, I moved Dekker's car seat and Papa drove us out to the ranch. Papa asked Dekker if he had a cowboy hat, and Dekker replied, "No, I have a cowboy hood." That boy is precious.

When we got there we drove straight into the field of cows. There were several calves and they were eating from their moms. Dekker figured out how to roll his window down, and spent lots of time inviting the cows to his window. "Here cow, come here cow" (in his best "talking to Tucker" voice). It was so fun to be so near something he had only read about in a book!

My Papa is a National Champion horse-cutter. This is a rodeo event. He started when he RETIRED from ranching, and often beat men half his age. When his COPD progressed, he rigged up a holster to his saddle to hold his oxygen and cut while wearing oxygen. His Pulmonary Doctor has a picture of him doing just that in his office. Can you tell I'm proud of him? He is amazing. His cutting horse, Mikey, is still at the ranch. Papa taught Dekker how to feed him "horse candy" right out of his hand. Dekker was memorized! "A horse, Mom. Look! A horse! Oh Wow, Mom!"

Then we got back in the truck and found Papa's two other horses. Papa told Dekker how to hold hay and feed them out of his hand, too. They eventually warmed up to us, and Dekker loved feeding them. Again, it was awesome to see the light in Dekker's mind "click"-- I felt like his eyes were saying... "oookkkaayyy, so this is a horse."

Then, as if the day couldn't get any better, Papa parked the truck and announced that we were going on a tractor ride. Dekker could barely contain himself. Here is the tractor:

See that door hanging open? See that ladder? That is where I "rode" for the tractor ride... praying to God that the huge tire wouldn't run me over and that my scarf wouldn't accidentally get stuck in something where I would traumatically be squashed while my son watched! (My anxiety never takes a vacation.) Papa started up the tractor and Dekker was initially a little scared from the noise, but he settled right in and got very comfy. Papa even let him drive. My heart overflows!

Nothing like taking a potty training toddler out to the ranch. Sometimes "nature calls" even out in the nature. Thank goodness the house out there has a wonderfully working potty!

The rest of the weekend was just a wonderful. We relaxed, watched TV, jumped on the trampoline. I got to spend some time visiting with my Grandma, Mimi. She is just as incredible as my Papa, and I have learned so much from her-- she knows not a stranger, there is always room for one more at her dinner table, she is caring and generous. My mom got up with Tucker (at 5:30AM thanks to Mountain Time) and I slept in. We ate yummy food, saw some of my cousins and uncle on my dad's side, and I even had a few hours to read. I finally picked up "The Help". Here are a few more pics before I run upstairs and make sure both boys are breathing. They have been quiet too long!

I'm sure this was a pic I sent to Dave. He is getting so big, so cute, so fun!

This is how they go to church when they have company and I love it!

Getting to be such a good sleeper!

"Mom, see me! Look, Mom!"

Reading night time books with my amazing Grandma, Mimi.

Finally, here is one last picture of sweet Tucker James and Papa James. I can't wait to visit this summer-- to visit the ranch again and even ride horses-- and for Mimi and Papa to get to see the kids again. They will have changed so much!

On the Journey,

Mae

30%

2012-02-08T11:00:00.000-06:00

I went to see my counselor for our final visit yesterday after work. God bless her, I saw her four times. Did you know that is the AVERAGE season of care? Meaning, most people see a counselor 4-6 times before taking a break for, like, a long time (or forever). Don't worry if you want to go more, or if your counselor suggests you go more, but one reason a lot of people don't start counseling is because they are afraid they will never finish. Nah, that is not the case. They are too busy and your insurance is too picky. Speaking of insurance, I have a huge deductible, but the $90 some I paid each session out of my HSA was well worth it. That hospital bill can wait.

I want to share a little about what happens in counseling because I think that is a reason a lot of people don't go. It is not the "bare your soul" that a lot of people think. In fact, most of the time it is quite specific to the issue to go in with. For example, we talked a lot about my struggle to accept the changes to my life that having another (crying) baby demand. We talked about bitterness and forgiveness and God and love and perspective and grief (dog-gone-it I wanted to breastfeed so bad). And I might literally have paid her just to sit and cry and say "I hate it" without being judged for an hour. My eyes burn just typing that. I mean, I love my kids deep down in my being. My heart beats outside of my body when I see them. They are the best. But I can say that and also say that it has been hard, too hard for me to try and function at home and be a good wife and teach and take care of Dekker... without professional help.

I want you to know that going to counseling does not mean you have a poor support system. My husband is incredible. My parents, in-laws, small group, co-workers, girlfriends (oh, my girlfriends I love you), even neighbors are wonderful people who I could not do life without. Going to counseling was a gift to them-- it said "I know you can't meet all my needs. I know you are not neutral. I know you are not professionals who can, or even want, to listen to all this and try to help me sort it out. Thank you for the support you have given me." Going to counseling does not cheapen my supportive relationships at all. Quite the opposite, in my opinion. Going to counseling said to my husband (and kids), "I don't want to be crazy, crying, frustrated, bitter, grieving, and a total unjoy to live with all the time. I love you more than that. You deserve more than that."

Finally, counseling works. I don't know what it is, but it does. I have been to professional counseling three times in my life. Once just out of highschool, once right after I got married, and now, after the birth of my second kid. And for the record-- I should have gone after Dekker, but I was too embarrassed-- which today I tearfully find ridiculous. Also for the record, after looking at that list, I think maybe life transitions are just hard for me. There is a voice in the back of my head that very clearly says "Buck Up. Women everywhere have been going through this for decades. All babies cry. All babies fuss. All mom's have some depression and "baby blues." No one has a postpartum experience exactly like they dreamed. At least they make formula. Do you think all the other moms went and spent $400 to talk to a counselor? No, they were at the grocery store and play dates and investing in the lives of their family. They are too busy trying to find the positive to sit and cry. Life is hard, Sister, so get over it already." But do you know what I did with that voice the second time around? I told her to Screw Off and I took care of myself.

So, most people don't share about counseling on the world wide web. And I respect that. But I also think that sometimes we have to bring things out of the darkness and say "so long" to secrets and guilt and shame. The nursing doctor told me to see a counselor and I shrugged her off. Then my OB suggested it. I told her "I am a counselor you know." She said "I am a doctor, you know, and sometimes I still need to see a doctor." That did it for me. I can not, simply can not, toot my horn about the benefits of counseling, about erasing the stigma associated with counseling, about how the people in counseling are not "crazy" because they are at least "together" enough to make an appointment and get themselves there... without taking my own advice. I believe in the profession. I believe it works. I know that as a provider, and this season of life I was reminded of that as a patient. Praise. The. Lord.

So I see Dena Crosby at Great Oaks Counseling. If you need a referral I hope you will call her. Counselors do not do medicine (you need to see some type of doctor for that), but she does one heck of a job as a "talk therapist." Tell her if you want to talk about God and Jesus and the Bible. I hope you will, because she gets it and will remind you of truths you might have forgotten. But she will not minimize your issue and say "Just pray harder." Yesterday I went for my final appointment. I feel good enough that I almost forgot! I was sitting at work thinking that I still had an hour to finish some grading when all of the sudden it dawned on me that I had to run out. Please note that this is a major change from our first appointment, where I watched the clock all day and wondered if I could make it until 4:00 to talk to someone, and if I might run into someone I know or a former client (gasp), or if I might just give up on the idea before then. (I did not. None of the above.)

Yesterday I was pretty put together, if you ask me. Sure, I was still in maternity dress pants, but they are cute Gap black slacks that I paid way too much for, and they are baggy. Does that count? And I wore a necklace. It kinda matched, but still-- hellooooooo, I had jewelry on. And matching socks! And heels! And I had got out of the house without a break-down before work AND got there early! I _basically_ didn't cry, but who cares if I do. And as we are wrapping things up and even just chit-chatting a little, she says to me, "Stefanie, I think you are at about 30%. You are recovered physically, emotionally, spiritually... about 30%." The look on my face must have gave me away. She asked, "Do you think that's too low?" I thought about that for a moment. I thought about my fear and my pride, and what a humbling season of life this has been. I thought about my sweet boys and how much I adore them-- all three of them. I thought about my marriage. My selfishness. The tears that still well up about, oh, 300 times a day. About my girlfriends who I only hope one day to be able to repay for their generosity. My parents, my in-laws, the encouraging texts from family I get. I thought about the sadness I still feel sometimes, but not all the time. I thought about how overwhelmed I feel, but that I have a new feeling of I can do this.

Then I answered.

No. I think 30% sounds great. If I feel this good at 30%, I can't wait to experience the next 70.

We hugged. She said my file is "open... come back anytime." She even said that sometime down the road I might want to see clients again, and that their office supports lots of part time gigs. She encouraged me to go "all in" to motherhood, marriage, work, and life. It was the great ending to our meaningful time together.

Here's to the next 70%!

"The man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out." Proverbs 30:1

"My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"But those who wait upon God get fresh strength." Isaiah 40:31

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; BUT those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40: 28-31

Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

On the journey,
Stefanie

5 x 5 Update #5

2012-02-06T10:33:00.001-06:00

Welcome to the end of the road, Friends. Yesterday we finished five weeks of doing five small organizational tasks a week. It felt great, and I am so thrilled with the small but wonderful progress I have made around the house. It DOES add up. Not to mention the wonderful new space in the basement, where my hard working husband can work away without being reminded of a long honey-do list. Have I mentioned that we love it? I am thrilled for several of you, too, who are cleaning out closets, refrigerators, bedrooms, under beds, under stair cases. We are recycling our goods, clearing our space, and simplyfing our life. The challenge is over, but maybe this will become a sort of "lifestyle." I hope it does for me.

Well, I kinda fell off the daily bandwagon, but did get small things accomplished and it did feel wonderful. Probably the biggest task I accomplished was a second cleaning of that bleepity bleep mail basket. Are you wondering why I am always talking about my mail basket? Me, too! I have NO CLUE how it gets so out of hand so quickly. It was to the point that I couldn't even put mail in it! I _try_ to throw away my junk mail when I get the mail, I promise. I _try_ to sort out my magazines right away into their home. But never-the-less it piles up terribly. Sooo.... this week I went through it-- meaning I filed what needed filed, shredded what needed shredded, paid most of what needs paid. Sorted the medical bills, sorted the HSA stuff, sorted the coupons. So it is much improved! It feels great. The other task I accomplished was setting up a meeting with a Financial "guy". Finally. It only took me three years.

So, I just want you to know that I am enlisting myself for a final push into Week 6 (and maybe Week 7 depending on how productive this week ends up being-- I have a lot of work to do this week so I'm not too optimistic). You do not have to join me. But I have a few lingering things that I need to write down and cross off. Things like:
* Organize the craft "sack"
* Clean out behind the short couch
* Meet with the financial guy. This goal is not "finished" until I have someplace to transfer money to for long-term savings, and until we regularly do it.
* Set up Nike Plus so I can start jogging my bum off, literally.
* Organize Dekker's toys into four bins-- week one, week two, week three, week four. I plan to rotate bins weekly to keep the clutter down and the excitement of "new" toys up.
* Fill in picture frames in Tuckers room (this would literally take me 3 seconds if I would just do it)
* Take coats, etc to Open Door Mission

I think that accomplishing these things early in February will start my year off wonderfully. Then, I can focus more on the day to day tasks of life and family and money management and jogging (being optimistic, okay!), and mix in some 2012 goals here and there-- goals I have yet to write out (and may or may not include an overhaul of the living room decor including paint and furniture placement and wall hangings)! Hopefully getting these smaller tasks out of the way will motivate and encourage me, and make life just easier to maneuver. Or maybe I will make them each a goal, so I can say I accomplished them all by March 1. Not. A. Bad. Idea.

On the journey,
Stefanie

5 x 5 Update #4

2012-01-30T14:33:00.000-06:00

Great news, friends. We have completed Week Four of the 5 x 5 Challenge. I know several of you are still hanging in there with me, and I have heard from even more people this week that you are organizing, simplifying, and de-cluttering even though you are not formally in "the Challenge." That is great! My goal is simple: Start 2012 by crossing some biggies off my list, make my living space less cluttered, give to those in need, and set up other parts of my life in a way that is more maximizing of both time and energy.

This last week Dave traveled to Des Moines for work Monday-Saturday. Please know that this trip caused me a lot of anxiety. I know lots of women who have husbands who travel regularly and let me just ask-- how do you do it??? I was the most nervous about the middle of the night, especially when I had to work the next day. I was secondly worried about getting out the door and to work on time. So my sweet friends came along side me and helped me out in incredible ways. I only hope I can repay them in _some_ way someday. Cari stayed with me Monday night and through the pre-work morning Monday night. Aanna and Spencer stayed late after small group on Tuesday night and helped me get the boys to bed. God was so gracious in that Tuckers best night was Tuesday night, the only night I was alone. Wednesday and Thursday night Beth stayed with me, and helped me get to work Thursday morning. Tucker was in rare form Wednesday night-- Beth and I literally got about 4 hours of fragmented sleep. I'm still not sure what happened, but I will tell you that I had to apologize to Beth the next day and that my attitude and behavior in the middle of the night included a shower at 12:30. Oh. My. Goodness. Friday afternoon I went to my parents and got home in time for bedtime Saturday night. But, in the background of all this I decided to pull off a "5x5 Surprise" to my husband.

Dave's birthday was almost totally neglected this year. We had a 10 day old and ended up at Bergan Urgent Care. Thankfully, my mom gave him a card because I didn't. He had no presents under the tree at Christmas because I was just totally overwhelmed, sore, depressed, whatev-- you name it-- and I was struggling just to keep up with the family Christmas celebrations we went to, and to get a few gifts under the tree for Dekker on Christmas morning. Did I tell you that we took Dekker to the toy store with us and bought his gifts right in front of him??? Hahahaha. Anyway, I wanted to do something extra special for him. So I decided to give him the gift of "more time and less stress" and I finished the office in the basement. It has been done, and we have occupied it, for some time now. But there were a few finishing touches that I knew were driving Dave nuts. Like the trim wasn't all done, and the floor needed to be laid in the closet, and the new windows, doors, door frames and trim needed painted, and a bi-fold door over the water main needed to be hung. And... we needed to pass the final inspection.... before the permit expired in July.

So Monday night, Cari and I, Beth and Derek cleaned out the office. We kept Dave's desk all together and didn't unplug one thing. I knew that he often remotely got into his computer, and I knew unplugging it would throw up all kinds of red flags, so Derek wisely advised me to just pull it away from the wall and drape it. It was perfect. We cleared the rest out.

This is kinda what it looked like "before." A lot of the trim was
done, but not all of it.

This is us "clearing the room." It wasn't too big of a job.

I took a before pic of Dave's desk so I could put it back exactly as it was.

Tuesday the carpenter, Brian with Icon Home Improvements, came by and did the last carpentry work and then coated everything with primer. I hosted small group, then spent some time in the evening researching a new desk chair for Dave.

Wednesday: Brian was back for a coat of paint. I called the inspectors office. This was so totally out of my league I am still surprised that I did it. Thankfully, I found our permits on the fridge and scheduled the final inspection. I just knew it would be easier when the room was cleared. I had no idea what was going to happen, or when, but I knew it was worth a try. That night Beth and I assembled Dave's new desk chair. When I cleaned the room out, I was appalled by the state of his desk chair. He sits in that thing for 8-10 hours a day, and it was so broken down. He has never complained about his chair, but I knew it had to be awful. I thought the new chair would be icing on the (birthday and Christmas) cake, so to speak.

Here is the "Tall Chair". He is trying it out all week before deciding for
sure and says he likes it so far.

Thursday: Brian comes back for the final coat of paint. The room is still a pretty big mess. The inspector calls me. I agree to meet him at my house around lunch. Are you kidding me? I have no clue what is about to happen but he seems nice. I warn him that the room is still a mess and sweetly tell him that if he can't do his job I "totally understand, Sir." I make awkward jokes. I try to act like I know something about what is going on. Then he signs this little thingy and says "we're finished here." I was so excited I threw up my arm for him to High Five me. And he did! He was pretty friendly and we talked about our extra huge garage for a moment and he left. Suz came over after nap so I could paint, and later that night Beth and I finished painting the office walls. Because nice Brian had over-sprayed the trim, windows, etc to his hearts desire and it was everywhere. This was my only major shock to the project-- I did not expect to have to repaint so much.

With this much over-spray I can only guess he thought I was re-painting anyway.

These are new windows Dave and Steve installed. They are terrific!

The space for the bi-fold door

Preserving the desk...

... and cords...

Heck Yes!!

Friday: Brian is back to hang the doors and "touch up." He leaves and my friend JoLynn is holding the baby and playing with Dekker while I move everything back in. It looks... great.

Dave's desk, complete with new chair. And a foot rest I will promptly be returning.

Great looking bi-fold door hiding the water main. Panted and hung.

These are pics Dave took with his camera. I hope to get them framed to
hang in the space real soon.

Saturday: Dave came home late. I was So Nervous. I had really worked myself up that he was going to feel like I went behind his back, or that I had taken away from him a chance to complete his "hobby", blah blah. He was just totally thrilled. He said he was "floored" and "shocked" and I almost cried. Then we laid in bed and talked about how I had done this crazy, sneaky thing until 1AM, which is not so smart when your baby gets up at 2 and 6. Oh well. It was a great ending to a great 5x5 Week!

On the journey,
Mae

PS I also finalized that Health Savings Account and Flex Savings Account for Daycare!!

5 x 5 Update #3

2012-01-22T09:56:00.000-06:00

Lets put week 3 in the books, what do you say ladies and gentlemen?!? How did you do? How are you feeling and how is your space looking? Big props to my friend Natalie, who is blogging her progress along with us here. As always, I love hearing from you all and hope you are sticking with it, too.

I am thrilled at the progress I made this week, BUT I have a confession-- I did most of my challenge this week on Saturday. I had a weird week and just couldn't get to much. (Can I mention that I went back to the therapist? She is wonderful. I think one more session and I'll call it good for awhile. So glad I went! If you have ever considered seeing a counselor, I hope you will call someone. I have referrals. Let's get rid of #stigma and just take care of ourselves!) Plus, the projects I had slated for this week were more "all at once" projects that I thought were harder to break up into smaller ones. I wasn't too keen on having the coat closet torn apart for three days, if you get my drift.

But, I do want to work on this, because often I don't clean and organize because it feels like "too big a project." I could have easily done the top of the coat closet one day, the organizer inside the door one day, and the coats one day-- but I kept putting it off until I had time to do it all. And that, I think, has the potential to NEVER get done if I don't change my mindset.

To begin, please know that I FINALLY mailed that package on Wednesday. Praise the Lord, I hope she hasn't already had that baby and it is off my kitchen counter.

Moving on... Dekker and I started out getting wonderful haircuts Saturday morning (he looks so BIG), went through Starbucks, then to the grocery store. As I was unloading the groceries that freezer was KILLING me, so I just bit the bullet. I took everything out, tossed what needed tossed, moved the breast milk to the deep freeze, and reorganized. I found so much food I didn't know I had and I'm looking forward to working it into our menu over the next months and cleaning it out (and saving some $$) even more. Then, I decided this was the time to clean the fridge. Not a deep clean-- just a throw out all the expired stuff in the door and toss the moldy food-- clean. I wiped the shelves down with a little Clorox Anywhere. I felt amazed by the extra space that was freed up by getting rid of the expired condiments-- some seriously expired in 2005, and a lot expired in 2010. I found some pickles from Dekker's FIRST birthday party. So toss that out, move some stuff in it's place, and yahoo-- it looks and feels so much better. The baby was happy and the toddler was occupied so I went ahead and cleaned out the pantry, too. Organized, tossed, condensed-- and again I found food I forgot I had.

If you care enough to scrutinize what we have in the pantry...
just don't judge me.

THEN, just as Dave was about to kill me, I announced that it was time to clean the hall closet. Our coats are forever thrown over our couch because hanging anything up in that closet is like a search and retrieve mission. I could barely close the door, barely find a hanger-- and when I did I had to shove everything over and hope I found the rod. I held up each coat and asked Dave, "Would you like to keep this coat you never wear-- or donate it to a man or woman who can't afford one, would otherwise be cold, and will wear it everyday?" We each kept one dressy coat, one "snow" coat, and donated the other NINE in there. One of my goals over the next two weeks will be to take a load to the Open Door Mission (remember the sock drawer?). We also went through the hats and gloves and found several to donate, and condensed all the dog's stuff into one box in the top of the closet. It looks and feels so much better, too.

This week I am hoping to get the HSA paperwork from the bank in the mail, so I can finalize that and the Flex Spending Account at work. My other main goal this week is to sort the mail basket-- and actually file, shred, and pay up as I come across things. These goals will easily fill my 5x5 time this week-- and it is going to be an extra busy week for me for reasons I will disclose next Sunday-- so stay tuned.

I'm already thinking ahead to week 5, and I really want to get our long-term savings organized and re-set up. I need to call my "guy" this week and set something up so I can get that done. Week Five is also week 12 (ish) of my sweet baby's life, which means the return of exercise-- so I hope to get my Nike+, iPod, and treadmill set up. But that is getting ahead of myself.

Speaking of the sweet baby, here is an adorable picture...

Hello Friends! I have been SPOILING my Mom
and Dad and sleeping very well the last two nights!!

On the journey,
Stef

Just Had To Share...

2012-01-16T10:26:00.000-06:00

.... As I mentioned in my last 5x5 Update, I am reorganizing our budget, which I do every year at this time. This year is particularly interesting because we are switching a lot of things that we did automatically through Dave's checks to my checks, because his employer doesn't offer it. For example, we are now pulling from my check to deposit automatically into savings and employer sponsored retirement, and we are getting things set up to also pull from my checks for our Health Savings Account and Flex Spending Account for daycare. This means that Dave's checks look a lot "bigger", (and mine basically zero out, for real) and we are trying to arrange our spending so we save more of Dave's paychecks as a short term savings for things like car plates, oil changes, and life insurance-- which always comes due and I hate pulling from savings to pay for. Anyway, I would be happy to explain our easy system to you sometime, but for now just know that I operate out of two checking accounts: one that Dave's paychecks are deposited into and pays bills and "holds" money for expected (and unexpected) bills, and one that we use for our "everyday expenses" like food, gas, eating out, formula, diapers, Target runs, gifts, clothing, etc. When I pay bills, I act like our "everyday expenses" account is a "bill" to pay. Yadadadada. So I call the bank because I want debit cards for the "Pay Bills Checking". The sweet lady on the phone starts talking to me, and can see my nicknames on my accounts. "So you would like 2 debit cards for the "Pay Bills Checking" or for the "Everyday Expenses Checking?" I suddenly felt RIDICULOUS having several accounts that I had nicknamed such obvious things-- but next time I think I will nickname them "Stripper Account", "Money Laundering Account" and "Drug Money" -- just to hear her read them back to me!
Baby just woke up!
On the journey,
Stef

5 x 5 Update #2

2012-01-16T10:16:00.000-06:00

Hello Friends.
I know that the six people who read my blog are really upset that I didn't get an update posted last night, but fear not! I have approximately 4 minutes between now and when the baby wakes up, so I want to give you a brief look at my 5 x 5 tasks this week-- hopefully to inspire you and challenge you to KEEP GOING. How are you doing? I do love the emails and texts, so if you are still plugging along this new year, let me know again. Okay? Okay.
Monday: Took down the Christmas decor. Because it's almost FEBRUARY. Good grief. The Evergreen is still up, in case you're wondering, but it's not decorated :) I need to make space in the basement (ug) before I haul it all down there. Dekker keeps pointing at the tree and saying "Christmas?" No son.
Tuesday: Back to work. As in lectured to students. Oh my goodness this is going to be a long semester for mom. Tuesday I also saw a therapist (great decision) and went to small group and then fell into my bed more exhausted than I have been on this journey yet. Thankfully, Tucker got the memo and I woke up Wednesday feeling much better. No 5x5 goals met, and I'm totally fine with that.
Wednesday: Set up HSA. You can, too, at www.wellsfargo.com/openhsa Now I wait 10 days to get my packet in the mail, including my account number, and take it to the accounting/payroll office at my work. I CAN do this and it WILL be so worth it. I also have been re-organizing our budget, so while I had the bank on the phone I did a little of that mess.
Thursday: Work. That night I cleaned the basket that sits at the end of our bar. Dave was ready to shoot me, but it is very clean now and holds just the few things we need out, like our planner and a small notebook. I could probably condense that into our "junk drawer" but then I wouldn't have baskets sitting all over my house to drop things in and later go back and clean. And how fun would that be...
Friday: Called the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City to finalize the overnight trip I took there Saturday night with three friends. It cost a total of $80, which included gas, a gorgeous room, two great meals, a hot tub, and great friends who love one another and Jesus. Considering above mentioned therapist costs $96 and HOUR, I might need to consider more overnights!! Thank you Dave for parenting alone, you are honestly the best.
Saturday: Cleaned out my purse and packaged a gift to mail.
Sunday: Cleaned the front of our fridge.

Here are a few things I'm kicking around for this week:
Finally mail that gift I have been talking about for two weeks.
Clean out the coat closet
Clean out the freezer.
MAYBE do round #2 on the mail basket.
The coat closet and freezer are just KILLING me (and both will take, legitimately, several steps). Neither can hold another thing, and both have lots that need purged. The contents of the coat closet in particular could be keeping some peeps warm at the Open Door Mission, and that alone is reason enough to clean it out ASAP. Every time I open either of them, I shove it closed and pray nothing falls on top of me.

Here's to week THREE.

On the journey,
Mae

5 x 5 Challenge Update 1

2012-01-08T21:35:00.000-06:00

Well, week one of the "5 x 5 Challenge" is under our belts. How are you doing? Did You tackle a few things around the house and in your life that you otherwise might have put off for another week? Did you have a little extra motivation to do something small and simple for your life, home or family? I feel some motivation building and I am thrilled to start the year this way. This is really needed in my life-- having an infant is so much work and so unpredictable-- so a few things here and there are really adding up. Goodness knows things have been sitting around here for the last seven weeks, plus the last few of my pregnancy if I'm honest. (Hey, carrying that HUGE baby around was hard!) One thing I am focusing on is consistency. The hard part for me will be doing more than "normal things" such as laundry, picking up, dishes, etc for more than a few weeks. I expect weeks four and five will be where I really start getting to things that I never would have without this challenge!

Here's my "tasks" this week, Week One:
Wednesday: Sock drawer. Oh. My. Goodness I feel better. Dear Underwear from 1999: Good-bye. You don't fit right, you are worn out, you are too skimpy, and you are taking up space. I also cleaned out my magazine basket, it took all of 5 minutes and I could get everything out to recycling before trash night. Finally, I returned the crock-pot to my sweet neighbor and had a terrific visit. This was really too much for one day, but motivation was in motion and I felt good doing it, so why not.

Thursday: First day back to work! Made some major progress on my Health Savings Account (HSA) inquiry (we're switching it from Dave's employer to mine) and talked about the possibility of a Flex Spending Account for our daycare expenses in 2012, since we'll have two in daycare and all. I also did round one of cleaning on my "mail basket" which is major. Doing so also cleaned all the mail off our counter. That mail basket is tricky, because cleaning it also means filing things, shredding things, and paying bills. Sigh. I did NONE of those things, just cleaned out all the junk.

Friday: Finished research on the Flex Spending Account. If you are interested, check out this link: <https://www.fsafeds.com/fsafeds/summaryofbenefits.asp#DCFSA> It offers pre-tax dollars to spend on childcare expenses. However, it is a "use it or lose it" account-- different than an HSA-- so a person needs to estimate conservatively. I was researching the tax implications of losing the "Dependent Care Tax Credit" and learned that the pre-tax savings of a FSA is still better, in case you're wondering. If your employer offers this, and most do, I would highly suggest you check into it. I also packaged a gift to mail this week and wrapped a birthday present.

Saturday: Elmo Live! It was an absolute hoot. I loved seeing Dekker's face light up, and I hope I have time for a dedicated post to this in the near future. His double handed wave was the best-- true joy! You know you are a parent when you can't wait to get up on Saturday so you can go to Sesame Street Live :) Saturday night I really needed a magic marker to address and mail a gift and I couldn't find one, so I took that as my cue to clean out the junk drawer in the kitchen. I basically throw stuff in there and then shove it closed several times a day. A lot of the stuff went back in there, but I threw away a lot, too, and put a lot of other stuff away in a different home, and wiped it out. It looks and feels great.

Sunday: Today has been a difficult day. I don't feel great, the baby has been fussy, I wanted to watch the Broncos game in peace and quiet-- which won't happen around here until 2018-- yadadada. In fact, as I type the baby is fussing in his bed and I am holding my breath and praying "please go back to sleep child...." Anyway, I managed to give Dekker a bath today and while I did I cleaned out the cupboard above my toilet. I merged fourteen plastic ziplocks holding random, but "I do wear it" make-up into one retro, cool bag my bestie Beth gave me for Christmas, threw out a lot of expired stuff and some boxes, moved some medicine to our medicine cabinet, etc etc and it, too, looks and feels great. In fact, I have about a quarter of a cabinet empty. Praise the Lord.

Here's to week number one-- done! Honestly, I am glad that this coming week I have seven days to get five tasks done. Without this challenge this week I am certain the sock drawer, junk drawer and bathroom cabinet would all still be in the same shape, and I might not have even made the progress in the other areas, either. I have heard from several of you that you are doing the challenge in some way with me... and would love to hear how its going for you, too!

Do you like my new blog look? Thanks, Beth, this was another part of her Christmas gift to me that I love.

On the journey,
Mae

5 x 5 Challenge

2012-01-02T22:31:00.002-06:00

Just last week I had the wonderful opportunity to chill with my girls from McCook... the "four of us" were back together and it felt so... right! How thankful am I that Sara and Mark moved to Bellevue (thank you Air Force), Jen and Mark live in WaHoo (thank you WaHoo Public Schools) and that Amanda's fantastic in-laws live in Lincoln. Also, Amanda, we still need someone to visit with and an excuse to get together when we're in McCook, so thank you for not moving :)

Okay, I could go on about how they filled my car up with presents-- like a blanket, diapers, wipes, outfits, and even clothes for me-- and how they filled my heart with laughter and encouragement-- and how they filled my belly with Mexican food-- and how we scared Sara's husband off when we stripped down to our tank tops and started trying on Sara's "Goodwill Pile." I could fill a page with how good it felt to hear them tell me my boy is adorable, and that I am not crazy. I love that we don't have to pretend to be anything we are not. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I love having people in my life who loved me back then, and who still love me today. There is something irreplaceable about history. It was _just_ what I needed.

Anyhow, Sara mentioned a blog she follows that shared about an organizing challenge, and I decided to take my own twist on it. So this is not my original idea, but I thought it was great.

So may I introduce.... the 5 x 5 Challenge.

5 organizing tasks a week for 5 weeks. Starting yesterday (no joke-- sorry for the "late notice").

What counts as an organizing task? Anything that would make your life more organized, easier, cleaner, simpler or run smoother. Here are a few that come to my mind for myself: Take down the Christmas tree (hold your comments please :), clean the space behind the short couch, organize the "junk drawer", clean the mail basket, clean the magazine basket, organize the "craft ~~bin~~/~~basket~~/over-sized Hobby Lobby sack", take unused coats to the Mission, set up HSA, set up long term savings again, order a few pictures to fill some frames in Tuckers room, return a crock-pot to my neighbor, clean my sock drawer.

Here's what I want you to realize: These should be small tasks that you could easily do in just a few minutes in one day. I hope that your five items will take place in five different days of the week, and take no more than 15 minutes. If you really want a cleaner coat closet, for example, break that task up into several smaller ones and spread out the "fun." For example, setting up my HSA might be my task for a few days as we both go to the bank and talk to my employer. Or another example: I might clean the coats one day, the sock drawer one day, and drive to the Open Door Mission on a third day. I really don't care, to be honest. You can do 25 things in one day, I guess. But that's not the spirit of the challenge (though you would probably still be glad you did it and feel great). Think small, think simple, and try not to get burned out. Think things around your house, stuff that has been bugging you, and other areas of your life that need organized. You can even count things you might have done without the "challenge" if you need to-- like cleaning the kitchen counter. I know you are busy. But if we can give 15 minutes five days a week, we will start this year off feeling great. Don't you think?

Here's to the 5 x 5 challenge. If you want to participate, feel free to join me on Sunday nights sharing about our five things. You can blog your own week and send me the link. Or you can send me before and after pictures to my phone or email and I will even share them on here. Or you can share what you accomplished in the comments. Or you can cheer me on. However you want to participate, I'm thrilled.

On the journey,
Mae

2011 Report Card

2011-12-27T12:58:00.000-06:00

Last January I set out 11 goals for the new year. I have been contemplating my 2012 goals, just so you know, but first I thought I would look back and see how I did this year...

Eleven Goals for 2011:
1. Completely finish the office remodel. Paint, floor, floorboards, hallway, desks.
Weeeeellllllll.............. we came a long ways on the office. It is occupied. It is painted, has a floor in it...It has beautiful windows, electricity, great drywall, a new desk for Dave, my desk, and a heat vent and insulation and a little space heater which can keep up and actually keep Dave warm during the day. But is it totally done? Not yet. Just a few touches and a final inspection left-- and my handy husband has been so busy with other things lately this doesn't even bother me.

2, Repaint two walls in Master bedroom and decorate. ("Hello, Kim Hazlip, it's Stef") Heck yes this got done. I'm thankful to this list of goals on this blog because when I was looking over them at the 6 month mark this goal did motivate me to get moving. And... I love it. You can see the finished product HERE. I also did two other rooms, including Dekker's new room and a new nursery, which I promise is finished and I will get pics up someday! Kim did help me and it was another fantastic experience. Why are you not calling her?

3. Make a few necessary changes to my work. It's fair to say that I met this goal, too. With great relief and such excitement I am teaching at Nebraska Christian College. You can read about this change HERE. I feel so much better, mentally, with this change. I hope to work in a clinic again, but this just wasn't the best fit at this time in my life. Starting a new job, having a baby, and going back to work after a brief maternity leave is a lot to cope with, but I do like it and that is helping tremendously.

4. Take two outrageous risks. (like maybe... Apply for the Dr. Phil show, run a 1/2 marathon, call Bo Pelini's wife for an interview which will somehow make me famous and save her husband's reputation... ...) I am really not sure what I was thinking here. I must have been drinking and doing drugs again. So I say I did not meet this goal. But I will say starting a new job 7 months pregnant was a pretty big risk. Though honestly not what this goal intended!

5. Go to the zoo and Children's museum. I might be destined to have kids who never get to see that DARN Children's Museum! We did get to the zoo several times, even bought a pass which came to Mr. and Mrs. Rove, which I never corrected. I love the zoo, especially the walking. We had a fun family day there this fall and even rode the Skyfari, which I might never do again. At one point on it Dekker declared he was "all done" and tried to get off the seat!! While we were over man-eating Giraffes. Seriously, that thing is spooky-- plus I was hugely pregnant and Dave is hugely tall and we had a squirmy toddler. The train, on the other hand, was fantastic! My beef with the museum is its location. I can't get there without ruining nap time, and since I've never been there I'm not sure it's worth it. Plus, I'm so afraid of crowds of people being there, like a school tour or something. Is it big enough to accommodate all that? I hear if you buy a pass you can get in at 9AM, so maybe I'll consider that... someday.

6. Take a vacation with just Dave. Yes, a fantastic cruise which I am dreaming about this winter, as I sit in the cold... sleeping in three hour stretches. I miss the Caribbean. Sigh. We took a "we made it" trip on Dekker's one year birthday to Vegas, and maybe we will do something similar for Tucker's first birthday. You know, travel without him to an adult location to celebrate that we survived his first year. That, friends, is quality parenting :)

7. Think about expanding our family. We did more than think about this one. We love you Tucker James.

8. Eat out less. Maybe. I can't say for sure, but I can say that the last six weeks we have eaten out less than usual. And I probably ate out less when I was focusing on the "Made to Crave" mentality (see below).

9. Think about inner beauty as much as I think about physical appearance. I give myself a Pass for this goal thanks to the book/book study "Made to Crave," which I plan to read again this winter and highly recommend.

10. Stay active. Typical me, this has gone in spurts but has not been something I have stuck to real well. I do love walking, and I logged roughly 10 miles/week or better this fall with my friend Suzanne and our strollers. I didn't gain any weight with this pregnancy until after week 24 thanks to the Made to Crave mindset and these walks. I hope to walk more, though Dekker is harder to convince to sit quietly in a stroller, so staying active is something that is constantly evolving and something that I am considering for this winter and 2012 as a whole.

11. Blog more. Big. Fat. Fail. Maybe next year. I blame our new camera, which I don't know how to download onto my blog, but I'm sure I would be able to if I would just sit down for five minutes and have my handsome hubby teach me.

Here's to 2012. Stay tuned for some goals, and start thinking of your own, too! Mine will be scaled back and just shy of "survive the first year", but I still have some things I want to check off!

On the Journey,
Mae

That Awkward Moment...

2011-12-13T21:47:00.002-06:00

Following the trend on facebook, I thought I would list a few "awkward moments" from the last three weeks...

* That awkward moment when you put your toddler to bed in the same jammies he woke up in...

* That awkward moment when your pediatrician asks (at the one week appointment) when you last bathed the baby. And "we haven't yet" isn't an option...

* That awkward moment when anyone who carries a brown paper sack into your house gets greeted by your son who asks "donuts?"

* That awkward moment when your toddler shouts to the small group "I love you" on the way out the door.

* That awkward moment when you bring a half eaten bag of Oreo's as your contribution to small group "treats"...

* That awkward moment when your friends bring you a meal by and you grab a zip-up hoodie to throw on, only to realize half way through the conversation that your stain remover did not work on the, um, embarrassingly placed and very noticeable stains...

So there you go! If you are by any chance a student of mine (all nine of you) and wondering how I have time to blog but not grade, please know that I wrote this while my bath was running with one ear to the "about to cry any moment" baby still in his car-seat, now hooked up in the swing (awesome feature)...

On the journey,
Stef

Tucker James

2011-11-21T14:27:00.001-06:00

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”
Job 1:21

I did a particularly life-changing summer Bible study several summers ago. We studied the Fruits of the Spirit and that Beth Moore had us studying the Word out of the book of Job. It was not where I expected to start, or finish, a study on the Fruits of the Spirit, but it was wonderful. Toward the end, this verse out of Job really stood out to me, and stuck with me since then. Now, I can't get it out of my mind as I think about the birth of Tucker.

You might remember that my due date with Tucker was my late Grandma Soden's birthday, November 16th. Dekker was two weeks early, and this baby was measuring big, so my doctor advised us that he would most likely come on his own and early. I had given up the idea of having him on the 16th, and come to peace with his picking his own birthday. So at peace, in fact, that my doctor, Dave and I opted out of an induction at 39 weeks, as we had previously discussed. More waiting, and still no baby, until I walked into the hospital on the 16th, 5 cm dilated and in active labor. I was technically there for an "induction", but I love that I was already in labor. Tucker did get to pick his birthday, smart little boy, he picked a pretty special date.

I don't know where to start with a "birth story." I will start with the fact that I never thought I would go 40 weeks, but low and behold, I did and I am so at peace with the choices we made to not induce earlier. We scheduled the induction for my due date, and I never thought I would make it to that, either. The Monday before the scheduled induction (Wed) I was 3 cm dilated. I had regular contractions and several nights leading up to the 16th I thought "tonight is the night", and then the contractions would stop. Tuesday night the 15th we went to a small group Thanksgiving Family Night-- it was a blast and a great way to take my mind off things. I took broccoli salad and rolls. I was pretty miserable, but super loved all the great company. Wednesday morning I woke up and was pretty sure I was having very regular contractions. I was bleeding some, and so relieved that I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. We dropped Dekker off at Ms. Laura's house, his regular daycare provider, and went to the hospital at 8.

By the time we were totally checked in, in the bed, hooked up, paperwork done, etc it was easily 9AM. They checked me and I was "5 cm, maybe 6." The morning progressed, and very quickly the contractions got regular and intense, and the Pitocin was stopped fairly shortly after it was started. I really, really debated an epidural. I loved my labor experience with Dekker, which included an epidural, but this one was going so fast that I really didn't see it totally necessary. What I kept thinking about was that I knew this baby was on track to be big, over the 96th percentile on ultrasound at 32 weeks, and I didn't want to get stuck pushing for hours without one. So I hemmed and stewed and probably teared up and decided to go for it at about 10:30AM. Five nursing students filed in with the doctor and he administered it. He started it off pretty slow because Dekker's had taken too high. I had movement all the way to my toes, could lift my own legs, wriggle my toes, etc. The nurses came in and I told them that I still had a lot of feeling and they could confirm that, but we all agreed that the epidural had "taken" and was muting my contractions. It never got stronger. In hindsight, this was the perfect epidural for me.

About 11:30/12:00 ish I really had to go to the bathroom (pee) and was having a lot of pressure. I asked Dave to call the nurses. He asked what he should tell them and I said "that I want to talk to them." So he did just that. They came in and I told them I had to go potty really bad and it was super uncomfortable. The nurse decided to check me again. She hadn't done that at all until now because it had only been a few hours, and we all expected the doctor anytime, so the nurse was just waiting for the doctor to do it, following best practice that it be done as little as needed. Well, I was at a 10, so we called and paged the doctor (again) and waited. I'm not sure what time it was, probably about noon.

Funny aside, my friend Katie has the same doctor and had an appt. She texted me from the waiting room and I was like "We're waiting on her so harass her for me!" Katie was the last client Dr. Simmons saw, and Katie said she barely popped her head in the room and announced that she had to "go catch a baby."

The doctor showed up about 12:45. She broke my water because, yep, it was still intact. We briefly discussed not breaking it, but decided we would as the baby is easier to "catch". The doctor was able to do it with her index finger.

The pushing began. The epidural was helping mute the contractions but I felt a lot of pain and pressure. At about 1:00 the doctor could tell that the head was large and round. It was an odd experience, pushing, then waiting in-between contractions while the nurses and doctors, and sometimes myself talked in-between. It was pretty calm for the most part. My doctor just stood there watching the machine, chiming in on chit-chat occasionally. Meanwhile, Tucker's head was pushing on my tailbone so hard that I had almost no relief in-between contractions. The doctor mentioned that she could use forceps, and I was thrilled at the option. I guess you know that is when you are in a lot of pain, when forceps sound great. It was a huge relief and once the head got lifted off the tailbone (kinda like a shoe-horn), he came fast. The last several minutes was basically one, loud push, which made the nursing students dance around :) The cord was wrapped around his neck twice, and his forehead was bruised from ramming against my tailbone, but he was PERFECT. They tossed him on my stomach in a moment I will never forget. Hello, sweet baby.

Dave went with him across the room to the warmer, where they wiped him down. My doctor asked for a head circumference and the nurse shouted back 15.25cm. The nurses and doctor gasped. This number meant nothing to me, until Dr. Simmons said 13 is normal, and 14 is big. Then one nurse said she has been doing this for six years and that is the biggest head she had ever delivered. Later, Dave's mom, who wins the award for delivering the biggest baby (David was 10lbs, 11oz) said David's head was "only" 15cm. Once on the scale, Dave shouted out in disbelief 9lbs, 1.5oz!! He was 22 inches long. He nursed for an entire hour in L&D, then we were ready to be moved to recovery.

We came home Friday morning. I was ready to get out of there and get to some more comfy furniture. On discharge, my doctor said that based on Tucker's bruising and my pain, she suspected that I fractured my tailbone. We might never know for sure, and there is really nothing we can do about this but pain management and lay low. Sitting and laying at home feels so much better than hospital furniture! My doctor said that in hindsight she has some regret we didn't use the forceps earlier, but no one knew his head was so big. Hindsight is always 20/20. I have just a few stitches, and nothing major to report there. I only mention that because several people were worried due to the size and forceps. Also, Tucker has no bruising from the forceps, which went next to his ears. Our pediatrician noted that forceps are harder on Mom than baby. They may have saved me from a C-Section, or even more damage to my tailbone-- so I consider them my friend. Thank goodness I had that epidural!

We are home now and can I just say that I love having a big baby! He is wonderful. We fill his belly up and then he sleeps and sleeps. He is up several times to eat at night, and rotates between being particularly fussy at night and particularly peaceful. Last night he was pretty peaceful, ate, and went right back to sleep. Today, we are home while Dekker is at Ms. Laura's. It is great to snuggle him and nurse and rest together. Such an ah-mazing season of life.

Dekker is doing well. We are all adjusting, but he does seem to be fond of his baby brudder. Today, on the way out the door he shouted back to the bedroom, "Bye Bye Mom." Then, without prompting, "Bye Tucker. I Love You." Oh my heart overflows. I am sore, engorged, and tired, but so thrilled to be on this journey of motherhood!

One more note: I have eliminated dairy, soy protein, and red meat from my diet. We are hoping that in doing so, we will eliminate the 18 hour crying spells that we survived with Dekker for a good three months. My friends have signed up for meals, are reading labels and finding recipes, and we feel so totally blessed by their help. Nursing Tucker is such a joy, and having nutritious, yummy food around makes it possible to stay on the diet. To my friends who are reading this-- thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support of me, and nursing, means so so much to me.

The sweetie pie is stirring next to me. So I will close here, remembering for another brief moment my Grandma Soden. Before she passed, she promised me that having children (she had eight) is far more joy than work. I wondered if she was right, and of course now know that she was. I think of her often, and she is in my heart always. That is the case regardless of Tucker's birthday. But I do love thinking about how I will tell Tucker one day about the woman he shares a birthday with. (I wrote my Grandmas eulogy, and you can read it here.) Tucker also shares a middle name with my maternal grandfather, James Autry. I can't wait for the two of them to meet!

On the Journey,
Mae

Dekker's Big Boy Room... Finally!

2011-11-02T14:38:00.003-05:00

The time has finally come! I can't believe it has taken me this long to get this post up, but I'm so glad to do it...finally. When we found out we were pregnant, Dekker was still sleeping in his crib in the nursery. (That feels like forever ago.) We decided to not convert his crib, and instead just buy him a twin bed and re-use the crib. It was a financial decision for the most part-- because we have a really nice taste when it comes to cribs. So we took the front off the crib and added a bed-rail, and he slept in that "toddler bed" for about a month while I cleaned out and painted his new room next door. It was nice that I could take my time and work on it in the evenings and at nap time without disturbing him. I did really want to get him into his new room and twin bed three months before R2's arrival. I did a lot of reading, and was sure this would be traumatic for him (though the reading, and every-single person I talked to assured me of the opposite), and I didn't want him yelling "My Bed" when the baby comes.

So even though the room wasn't complete, it was painted and the bed was set up and he's been sleeping in it for several months. And, gasp, it was a very smooth transition that I'm pretty sure bothered me more than him. However, for the record, he has also transitioned nicely into calling the nursery the baby's room and I'm super thrilled about that, too. It is coming together nicely, and I can't wait to show you all it, too. All this decorating, including the Master Bedroom has been absolutely fantastic and I love the finishing touches!

So, here is a before picture of Dekker's room. It was our guest room/my office/holding space for a lot of stuff! If you remember, I cleaned it out and did a lot of simplifying in there last year and I am so glad I did!

By the time I was finished last October (as in approximately one year ago, wow), it was looking pretty nice. The opposite wall had a nice twin daybed with trundle, and it was a nice "catch all" room for us. I was overwhelmed with where to put all this stuff, but between the trash/goodwill/donations, basement, new office, and new job/office, everything found a home.

Here is what it looked like before I started painting. It was a hot mess. I remember my sweet friend Suzanne opening the door and saying, very nicely, that it looked like I still had "a ways to go" in this room. Hahaha, that was an understatement. I also went through three gallons of super expensive paint trying to find the right shade of manly/cowboy appropriate yellow. Which I finally did (sigh). It's Sherwin-Williams "Blonde" if you ever need to know. When color #2 didn't work, I was so mad at myself for not buying samples (thankfully gallons were 40% off at the time) and so sick of cleaning brushes and upset that I might have to prime (Dave did) that I walked into Dave's office SOBBING. He thought something was so seriously wrong until I finally blurted out that the paint is... ... "awful, just awful." Can we blame the pregnancy??? Anyway...

Here are the "after" pictures. My friends from McCook gave me the idea to put something in this space that would be something Dekker could play with or at. So we skipped on a dresser and utilized the closet and under-bed storage, then used magnetic paint (bought at Menards) and painted a magnetic board. Isn't that sweet? The paint smells like death so we spent one gorgeous late summer day painting on the five layers it asked for (at least 30-45 min to dry in-between), windows opened, running errands and to the park while it dried. Obviously Dave did all this fume-full painting, and we taped off the square with painter's tape and a level. It is black paint. So we painted a top coat, which is optional, and is not suppose to tone down the magnetic-ness, but I'm not so sure. I did just happen to have this wall color one shade darker in my basement, so that made it easy and it is a nice contrast. Dave built the frame (the final touch I mentioned last week) and with the magic of spray-paint, presto. (Can I just say how much I love spray-paint. No messy clean up. Cheap. I have been missing out!)

Dekker has magnets on his Christmas list.

What's that? You want to know about the super cute letters I crafted? Well, it only took three months and about 400 consultations with more-crafty friends, fourteen trips to Hobby Lobby, and a few girlfriends who threatened to de-friend me if I kept obsessing about them... and they were done! Just call me Martha! I bought the letters at Hobby Lobby. They are 3D and cardboard, very light, and about a buck. We spray painted them red. Then I covered them with scrapbook paper. I traced around them with a pencil, cut the letter out, spray glued it onto the 3D letter, then went around the edges with a razor-blade (on a cutting board). I am thrilled with how they turned out, and once everything was in my house and I got to going they took about 90 minutes total. The stars I bought right next to the letters for less than .50 each. We hung the letters with velcro (thanks for the idea, Katie, during consultation #217) and the help of a laser level.

The other wall is very simple. It is a chair, which I bought off Craigslist from a former TV News Anchor. It was an exciting and VERY HOT day this summer. It was a little pricey, but a steal of a deal considering it has a twin bed in it. I figured it was about $500 off retail, with the ottoman (which is in the living room), and will double as my Mom's bed when she comes to help with R2. We will have to rotate it to the wall with the window, but that's fine. The day we went to get it I sprung on Dave about half way there that it had a bed on it, and then learned that the bed doubled the weight of the chair. Bummer that we didn't have any help with us. It was a tense ride, but Anchor Woman's hubby helped. The decor is all 50% Hobby Lobby stuff (thank you Suzanne for consultation #322)-- I bought a ton then returned a ton but do like the way it turned out.

Please note: The little red basket next to the chair. It holds our books-- perfect. The boot lamp-- we love it! The Little Buckaroo sign doubles to measure height and is super cute. The white fan is a necessity and does not "flow." The night-table was spray painted in our garage and was Dave's from before the wedding. It had been in our basement, unused. The fan, covered with the same cow contact paper, is pretty sweet.

I picture myself with a little boy on each side of me reading books one day!


Above the chair

Such a fun touch! This is a second set of blades. One day, when we change
the decor, we'll have the original blades to replace with.

Finally, in the corner are two white corner shelves from Target, covered in cow print contact paper. (Hey, I ordered a roll of it and wanted to use as much of it as possible without over-doing it!) The top holds a salt and pepper shaker in the form of a cowboy and cowgirl. They were my Grandma Soden's and were given to me by my dad. I love having a piece of her in this room (she collected shakers and had hundreds). The second shelf holds a belt buckle that my Grandpa Autry (Mom's Dad) won and gave to me-- the real deal by the way. They are both nice and high enough that even if the stinker stands on the chair arm (which he's never done) he can't reach them.

Grandma Soden's salt and pepper shakers

Seriously cool belt buckle

I bought the bed off Craigslist on another very hot day this summer. It is a Captain's Bed and was in fabulous condition for next to NOTHING. It has drawers under it. We lost a knob in transport, so we took the others off and put them on the closet (they were previously white with flower print) and bought new for the bed :) The sheets are handkerchief and bought off Amazon for way too much. The comforter is a lightweight blue/denim and was on Dave's bed growing up. His mom made it! She also made Dekker a beautiful, warm cowboy blanket that is at the foot of the bed.

We don't actually store much under the bed right now because the closet storage is enough.
But I'm sure the day will come. Also, I hate that the little "walker toy" got in this pic!
He has been dragging that thing around the house for weeks now, for I don't know why.


The curtains are reused from the nursery.

Finally, I found this print at Hobby Lobby and I love it. It is in-between the door and closet.

So there you have it. I think I've been thinking about this room for over a year. And while it was fun, I'm glad it's done, done well, done without going broke, and that we really love it. My hope was that his room would be a space where he could play without hurting himself and without getting into too much trouble, and I'm hoping I might even be able to sit and nurse in there while he plays quietly by himself :) A girl can dream.

Here's to making room in our house and heart for one boy growing up, and one boy showing up!
On the journey,
Mae

Full Term (Full Heart)

2011-10-28T09:54:00.004-05:00

This morning Dekker and I are getting ready to head out to have a fun-filled fall morning with our friends. I told Dekker about it over breakfast and since then he has been asking for Max and Quinn. Oh how I love our friends, and their mama's. I love doing life with them so, so much.

Today is Friday, October 28th. Today I am 37 weeks, 2 days. I posted something on facebook last week about being 37 weeks and frankly that was a stretch. I really do forget and get kinda messed up, especially with all the weekly appointments, which are never on exactly the day I "turn"-- which is Wednesdays. So this Wednesday I woke up and said to Dave "I'm full term today!" I celebrated with a leg cramp, night sweats, unquenchable thirst, 3 hours of sleep broken up by five potty breaks, heart-burn, sweating through all my shirts in the armpit, hip pain, restless legs, sore feet, swollen hands, roller coaster emotions/hormones/tears, and diarrhea. In all seriousness, we have a family friend in the Women's Hospital trying to hold off labor at 26 weeks, so I don't take this Full Term stuff lightly, even if it is uncomfortable.

Here is how I really celebrated reaching Full Term: I hugged my sweet baby boy a little tighter and a little longer. He won't be my baby much longer and that about makes me burst into tears. (Oh Hormones!) I enjoy him so very much. I love how much he likes to read. I will let him stall naptime and bedtime for a good "five more books" any afternoon or night. He knows it, too. I tell him "pick out three books" and he'll pick out two, then load his arms up with as many more as he can hold for number "three." We laugh and sing songs and brush teeth and talk about nose burgers and toots (oh boy, it's already starting), and at night we review our days and pray for the people we spent time with, the people on our hearts (like our friends Tim and Mindy-- is there anything you can do to help??), and our family, friends and baby brother. I try to cherish my days at home. I try not to be a crab, not to be house-bound. We get out and go and do-- to our friends, the mall, the park, the store-- even though all I feel like doing is laying on the couch and turning on Elmo and eating dairy before the MSPI diet hits full circuit!! He is too sweet. He has learned to say "I love you" which is ah-mazing, and has started to announce that he wants to "dance" and that he "misses" certain people, at random. He told the post man he loves him Wednesday, which was awkward, but still totally adorable. He plays with the dog and sits at the table like a big boy and independently plays with toys and can pull a stool up to the sink and wash his own hands. His rare temper-tantrums are because he loves playing outside so much (thank you God for this great weather) and just hates coming in! If we turn off the TV, or radio, or leave the park-- we say "bye bye Elmo" or whatever and walk away like it's no big deal. He says please and thank you and thanks, Mom. We are so, so lucky to have him-- thanks for letting me brag!

I also celebrated being Full Term by putting the stuff that has been piling up in the corner for the hospital into an actual half-packed bag. And I am still decorating, slowly, the nursery. And last weekend we did a few projects in the garage that includes the FINAL touch in Dekker's room. I can't wait to get it up on the wall so I can take fancy pictures and show you all. Maybe this weekend :) You will love it, if you haven't already lost interest.

Tonight, we are celebrating late pregnancy with our "Friday Night Friends." Steve and Suzanne and Campbell are coming over with dinner (seriously, the sign of a bestie!) and we plan to put our kids to bed (because we have a crib for Campbell or a pack n play) and watch baseball and play cards.

If you are wondering about my job, I am still loving it! I have next week left before my maternity leave starts. Next week I have a guest speaker and lecture on Tuesday, and final presentations in both classes Thursday. I really would love to make it through the week-- but I know that whatever timing God chooses for this baby is perfect. Actually, I would love to go into labor at like 6PM on Thursday. :) If only we could order it up like that! This week I crossed some important things off my list, which I am thrilled about. I hate leaving things "hanging", and I think I would hate even more sitting in a hospital bed thinking about the fact that I never got that Field Supervisor the Internship Agreement for one of my students. Seriously!

Have I mentioned how much I love my OB. I hear horror stories about OB's, and my doctor is NOTHING like that. She is laid back and relaxed and believes that our bodies know what to do and how to do it and that she has the privilege to "peak in on nature" from time to time. She's funny, and a half-marathon runner which about makes me want to punch her skinny self these days. Ha!

Here's to being "Full Term" with a full heart!
On the journey,
Mae

P.S. In case you're wondering, my water broke with Dekker at 37 weeks, 6 days.

Chapel 1.0

2011-10-10T15:19:00.000-05:00

Each Tuesday the NCC students and staff gather for chapel at 11:00AM. It is a wonderful and warm time of worship and teaching, especially to this newbie. I _love_ that this is part of my "job" and I'm so glad that I work on Tuesdays so I can join. This year they asked each of the new faculty members to offer a "get to know you" message-- a little about yourself and how you ended up at NCC, and what God has been doing in your life. Sounds simple enough, but we all know it's not! And for some reason, anytime anyone asks me to do something post 32-weeks pregnant, it feels bigger than it is!

Never-the-less, I did want to "get to know" the students better as I have so few in my two classes. I am one of the first female faculty at NCC, and I am very proud of that. I was thankful for an opportunity to talk to the student body, especially the women. So here are a few highlights:

First, the "get to know" you section-- I included several pictures of my parents, my roommates at NCC, baby R2, Dekker, and Dave and me. I made a joke about taking a cruise approximately 34 weeks ago, and it was particularly funny. Here are a few of the pics I showed and talked about...

The second half of the message was "What has God been doing in my life and how did I get to NCC." Here is that section:

To begin, let me say this: I have never quite felt like I fit in much, especially in the Christian culture of women. I don’t sew or sing. I don't knit blankets or booties. I will bring you a meal, but it won't be fancy. I don’t particularly enjoy helping with big crowds of children—I have never been the VBS volunteer of the year (or day, or hour-- because I'm not there). I work part-time by choice. I am simultaneously reading a book by Michelle Dugger, and Tina Fey. I like Lady Gaga and Husker football...

My first week of class at NCC I remember sitting around in the dorms and the question was raised “What is your dream car?” I went first, and I said that I wanted a shiny, new, dark purple/almost black 4-door BMW with leather interior. I was quite proud of my answer. The person next to me said that she wanted a used mini-van full of kids. This illustrated in my mind exactly the way I was feeling in my heart-- what's wrong with me? Why can't I want that? Why can't I be more crafty? Why do I forget the tuna in my tuna casserole? Why do my cupcakes always stick to the liner? This started an unhealthy trend in my life, bouncing back and forth between being secure in how God made me and the unique ways He has wired me up, and feeling constantly insecure that I didn't “meet the mark” of my "more Christian" female friends. So, I started praying that God would change me and help me be “right” like a Christian lady should be. And it has been exhausting journey, both mentally and physically.

My story, and what God is doing in my life, is that He is helping me understand that He made me a unique, and wonderful being—and that embracing that brings genuine security. The Word I have received from God over the last few years, and even particularly this last month and week... is this:

God is more interested in my being, than my doing. In other words, it's not what I'm doing, or not doing, but who I am.

See, part of my wrestle the last several years-- and really most of my adult life-- is over the “doing.” I have measured myself on a scale similar to the one Pastor Cahill talked about last week. Except that instead of “I'm better than you are”... the scale I sang was “She's more spiritual than I am.” I looked at women around me who have amazing talents to do things like sewing and knitting and running 14 kids around looking calm and collected while they simultaneously made fancy meals with crafty center-pieces. And I thought-- “They are surely more spiritual than me! Get it together!” And here's the kicker-- “That's how Godly women act! What's wrong with you, Stefanie!”

But then God started teaching me less about what I do, or don't do, and focused my attention on my being. On who I am on the inside. I'm fairly certain that God could care less about my precious cleaning lady, Bibi, (who drives an Esclade by the way)-- or my Schwan's meals paired with boxed mac and cheese, and my un-craftiness. Yes, He is much more interested in my spirit (my being)-- my gentleness, patience, graciousness, courage, self-control-- the way I receive my husbands leadership, and the way I grow in my faith and understanding of God. I'm learning that my highest calling in life is NOT to be the ideal wife or mom, to somehow try to have it all together, or to try and fit a mold that I never will. My highest calling is to be a fully devoted follower of Christ. This is my true security-- not what I do, but who I am.

I also want you to know that sometimes I look in the mirror and I see things about my being that I want to change. For example, for some time I prayed that God would make me less selfish, that He would give me opportunities to practice selflessness, and point out to me my error. So we got a dog and I learned a lot. And then I became a Mom-- and I began to understand the joy of emptying out myself for someone else. I couldn't imagine loving parenthood, but I do, even on the hard days.

On another occasion I prayed to God that He would give me a desire to open up my house more—not in a Betty Homemaker, Better Homes and Gardens way—but in the spirit of true hospitality. My husband and I leaped out and started a small group, who, six years later we now consider extended family.

Again, my focus is not on “doing” here-- but rather my focus has been on my being, on who I am as a woman of Christ. These are both examples of things I have done, but as an overflow of God's great mercy and grace and power changing me from the inside out.

My goal is to be more like Christ, not more like the ladies in the magazines, or at the park, or on the internet.

Finally, I started praying that God would help me find fulfillment at work. I was lonely at my private practice. I missed co-workers and staff meetings and being a part of a team. I admitted this to my friend Troy Backuus, who introduced me to a friend of his from Grace, who generously asked me to teach a class in the counseling department. I loved it. And that started a trail that ended with Dr. Krause in my counseling office casting a vision about NCC, and its incredible students. Friends, I am humbled to be here. I sometimes feel unqualified. I am very much still learning my way. And when President Milliken stood up at Faculty Orientation and said that we were all here in God's perfect timing I wanted to shout “Not True For Me!” But I am learning to trust that that IS true. God is writing the next chapter of my life, even if it sometimes feels like an awkward and very pregnant chapter!

Can I say this again? God is interested in your being! When we align our being up with the qualities He seeks of us in His word, our doing is a natural overflow-- but is not identical. Your doing might look different than your roommates, your classmates, or your neighbors, coworkers, family and friends. That's okay. We each have wonderful, unique gifts and abilities. This life is not about 'doing' in some perfect, manuscripted way-- its about each of us striving to become more like Christ every single day.

-------------------------------------------------

It's so interesting to me that after my message I had several women come up to me and say, "I'm just like you!" Which pretty much seals the deal to me that so few fit the "mold" of a "traditional" Christian woman. I thought to myself-- where did we get this picture of sewing and knitting and crafting and dozens of kids? Why have I thought in my mind for so long that that was particularly more spiritual than my gifts? I'm not sure, to be honest. Maybe I made it up in my head. But I'm not alone. And Praise the Lord, I've been freed to be the woman God made me!

My other fear was that women who do fit that mold, or particularly like to sew or sing or something I mentioned, would somehow feel less valued, or that their gifts aren't just as wonderfully important, impactful and unique. That is just absolutely the opposite of what I am saying. I also wanted to throw out a picture of my boot lamp-- in all its crafty glory-- but I just couldn't find a way to fit it in!

Finally, I had a few staffers and a few students stop in my office and tell me that this message personally made a difference in their life in very specific terms. If for no other reason, that made it totally worth it.

On the journey,

Mae

5x7 Folded Card

2011-10-07T13:02:00.001-05:00

Classic Yellow Halloween Card

Get custom Halloween invitations at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

How To Make A Boot Lamp

2011-10-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

After getting nearly 20 "likes" on facebook-- I decided the boot lamp deserved its own post, and not just a picture in the "Here is Dekker's Room... Finally" post that is coming, I promise.

This blog I am titling: How To Make A Boot Lamp
The Answer Is: Ask Your Husband.

Thank you all and have a good day!

Hahahaha. I am just kidding-- kind of! But, it was very much a project that "we" did. And Dave just told me he is considering changing his name to "we"-- because whenever "we" do something, it does end up being more like "Dave" does it. But I organized it all, bought the goods, blah blah, and married a smart man.

Step One: Call your Mimi for a pair of used boots. This worked out well. I was to see her over Labor Day anyway and she had two pair ready for the Goodwill. Second lucky break, my Papa has small feet, so the boot is not enormous. My Papa is still alive, in case you were wondering. But that this is his boot does make it extra special.

Step Two: Drill Hole in boot. We drilled just in front of the heel (in the arch) to give the bolt room to tighten on without messing up the way to boot sat on the nightstand.

Step Three: Buy "lamp kit" from Menards. Do not haul your two year old to Hobby Lobby hoping they have one, because they do not. A lamp kit looks like this, but is packaged much nicer and is about $10. You will find it in the "lighting" section of a home goods store.

Then, take the "rod" from the kit (you might have to buy this separately, but it's right next to the kit) and paint it to match. The above kit does not include the rod, and that is because they come in all different lengths. We did cut ours down to the right length. I spray painted it red--totally optional. I also painted to bolt that went on the bottom to hold it in place. Dave oversaw all this buying, but I was quite independent I'll have you know.

Step Four: Attach rod to boot, secure using bolt (and maybe a 'washer') on the bottom. Dave also used some clear caulking around the hole to make sure nothing would seep out. Fill boot with Plaster A Paris (is that how you spell that?), which I found at Hobby Lobby. All they had was the Pottery Plaster, and the kind lady said it was the same.

I wanted to mix the whole container, so Dave helped me with some of his tools-- a drywall mixer and 5 gallon bucket. For the record, I think this could have been done with a wooden spoon and large Tupperware-- it contained 4 cups water with the jar of mix. But seriously, best husband ever.

Step Five: Let dry. It was heavier than we anticipated, about 6.5lbs to be exact. The boot looked wet in places, but it all dried just fine over a few days in the garage. "We" put some Styrofoam in the boot to try and hold the rod level. When it was totally try, I cleaned up the Pottery Plaster around the edges and on the rod, and was glad that it was the pottery kind because I think it cleaned easier.

Step Six: Attach hardware. You do have to do some very minor wiring, sending the plug-in cord up from the bottom of the boot through the rod. Thank you again handsome hubby. The kit had great directions (and cost $9.99-- did I mention that).

Step Seven: Attach lampshade and presto. You should know that this type of hardware calls for a "harped" lampshade, which is considered more "traditional" and less contemporary. It is the kind of lampshade that screws on with a little knob on the top. So I looked everywhere and found nothing that wasn't HUGE or ugly, and eventually bought a cheap lamp and then just took the shade off it. Dave thinks we could have stripped that lamp for the parts, too, but it was too late. I am going to try and convert that lamp to a contemporary shade and use it in the nursery-- but we'll certainly see how that goes.

This is BY FAR the most crafty thing I have EVER done, and Dave did most of it :) It is so, so, so awesome in Dekker's room. He loves it, and it provides a lot of light for our book-reading, nap-stalling marathons. Speaking of nap time, I'm almost certain a little someone is almost up so I better run!

On the journey,
Mae

P.S. You can make lamps out of vases and wine bottles, too!

Quick 5-ish (My attempt at Photo Phone Friday)

2011-09-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

Photo One: Thursday night. Are these two not adorable. I love having two handsome boys to come home from work to... they are just adorable on their own, and together! Dekker had a great day at daycare and I had a great day at work. I am _really_ enjoying my job, and I feel like I have a little of the spunk in life back. This affirms to me that I made the right decision and that my last job just really was not a good fit. So thankful I swallowed my "this is what I always wanted to do" pride and moooooooved on. I hope NCC lasts a long time, but even if it doesn't, I know it is the right place right now.

Photo Two: Monday at Lakeside Park. My sweet friend Katie and I took our boys to the park for lunch, then to feed the ?ducks? or ?geese? I'm not sure the difference. Anyway, I think they sensed our fear so we manned up and fed them the bread and the boys had a ball. It was a great way to enjoy this ah-mazing weather.

Photo Three: Last Friday? Not sure to be honest. Dekker has been spending a lot of time in the bathroom talking about the potty but will not sit on it. He cries when I try. I am not sure what to do. Oh, and this was after our beloved Bibi came for a visit, so that toilet was so clean I might not have washed his hands! (Yes, yes I did).

Photo Four: Last Friday night. I am finally ready to start painting and decorating the nursery. I have just a few finishing details to Dekker's cowboy room before I post about it. The two swatches on the wall were samples, and I went with neither. I got the gray in a lighter shade. I was afraid the blue would compete with all the other blues already in the room. Today I went and got the red curtains, and I am excited to see it come together. Double bonus, a lot of this room is purchasing and less sweat/craft once the painting is done.

Photo Five: Sunday. Last weekend we totally cleaned out our basement. It feels great, and we were exhausted. We were getting ready for our small group to start back up, and the kids need a place to play-- and I was having anxiety every time I went down there. The living area looks fantastic, and we have a new tool area, too. It is organized and usable. Now, to clean the garage before it gets too cold and I will post for all to see. In the meantime, I have several things on Craigslist. I am amazed at what sells (mini-blinds, bed rails, floor mat for your office chair) and what doesn't. I mean, really, who doesn't want this beautiful blue piece of luggage?? Whatever is left when we clean out the garage goes to Good-will and Habitat for Humanity.

Photo Six: Late Sunday night. Look at these two sweeties-- changing my plates. That boy is pretty sure he can do anything his daddy does!


Photo Seven: Approximately two mornings a week :). Dekker has discovered two things-- Elmo, and TV. They collide everyday at 9:30 on PBS. He has never watched TV. I do have the TV on sometimes first thing in the AM-- I love a good morning news show-- but he could care less. Until now. I have never understood the allure of letting your kid watch TV until Dekker decided to love Elmo. Suddenly, I have 30 minutes to, gasp, put make-up on and gasp, clean the kitchen and gasp, make the bed. I am still making sure this is a rare occasion, but I guess I'm okay with it for 30 minutes on an occasional day. I guess. Also, do you notice that stool. It is in a few pics here. He carries that thing everywhere like it's his bestie.

Happy Friday everyone. Here's to a great weekend, a fantastic JDRF walk, time with family, and not cleaning all weekend.

On the journey,
Mae

Mommyhood

2011-08-30T22:19:00.002-05:00

I was having a crabby night tonight. At one point, David asked me what was wrong and I said, "Nothing, I'm just trying to keep it together until Dekker goes to bed." I have had a great day, which included an early daycare drop off, working, chapel and a prayer walk in 2" platform shoes, a huge pregnant belly, commuting, and coming up with something for dinner in a house that very much needs groceries.   I'm doing laundry and baking and trying to get things ready for our annual family reunion. I know that women do this all the time, but whatev. I'm crabby.

Before I had kids, when I heard someone crab about their family life I had very little sympathy. Big belly? Can't roll over? Can't sleep? You chose this. Tired from being up all night? Should have thought about that nine months ago. No money for fun stuff because you have to spend it all on diapers? Guess who decided to have another kid. Exhausted from mommy-hood, tired of disciplining your toddler, feeding your infant, cooking dinner and doing laundry? Well, you pulled the goalie.

I could go on, but you get the picture.

Now that I'm a mom, so much about my attitude has changed. Let me just make a few points here:

1. Family Life is hard. I get it, to a point. I don't claim to understand everything you are going through, but I know that it is hard. At the same time, I know you probably wouldn't change it. You'll take away my belly? I could sleep all night? Heck no. This child is precious. You'll take from me my toddler? I can clean and bake and nap all day without distraction? Absolutely not. I can not imagine my life without Dekker. He is one of my greatest joys, even on a bad day! You'll give me all my money back but take my family away? Step away. Unthinkable.

I'd say this is the biggest reality that I have learned. Before I had kids, when I heard someone talk about the difficulties of their family life, I didn't understand the other side of that coin. I heard a very one-sided conversation-- because I think the other half was assumed but I didn't get it! I can tell you that I was honestly totally surprised at how much I enjoyed being a Mom-- because I only heard-- or focused on-- or filtered-- the negative. I'm so glad that I have experienced motherhood-- the ups and downs-- so that when I hear someone crab or complain or break down in tears, that I can understand that much better.

With all that being said...

2. It's okay to be real. I have noticed a real trend with the rise of social media to present a real one-sided view of family life-- and it's the OTHER side than what I grew up listening to. In other words, I have found that people have started to over-focus on the positive, leaving some to believe that parenthood-- or life-- is a stream of easy, blissful days and nights. (I think that's why this blog post made me laugh until I almost cried!) If I believe only what I see on facebook, I'm pretty sure I'd be totally off guard when I feel like crying, questioning, or yanking Dekker's arm out of socket. Thankfully, I have some great Mommy-friends and family who don't judge me. They understand #1 above, and that with my bad days come some great days, too. And that even though I "made this bed," I can still be frustrated, sad, disappointed at times. And that even still, I am a good mom, and that I love my family and wouldn't change a thing. Except that I would find a laundry fairy.

I know it's not popular to add a status update along the lines of : "Stefanie is seriously questioning her decision to have #2 because #1 is a total un-joy today. How do you people do it?" Or, "Stefanie can't wait to go to work today because another day at home sounds like punishment right now."

Then again, maybe social media isn't the place to be "real." Or that real. But I don't know. I'd love to see a fresh stream of "my life isn't bliss" updates occasionally. We can do that without being bitter, right? Since when is it unhealthy or unChristian to be honest about our struggles? Would it give others permission to do the same? But heavens to Betsy, if not on the World Wide Web (and I understand), I hope you have a good friend you can be real with.   Somebody who understands you, doesn't judge you, and knows that you still love your kids, #forcryingoutloud. I'm not sure who your friend is, but I hope you have one and that you bend her ear from time to time-- or day to day. It's okay to be honest about your struggles, friends. My friend Jenny once said to me, "I don't know if other mom's don't think like we do, or if they just don't say it out loud." Here, here, friend.

3. People without kids have stress too.   My final point comes just two years after leaving the life of PK (Pre-Kids). Please let me remind all of us, including myself, that our friends and family without kids have lots of stress, lots on their plates, and a life of their own. When they are stressed, please don't roll your eyes, make snappy comments, or offer an "if you only knew." It's not fair to assume that they have loads of ample time, sit around every evening doing nothing, or should be the leader of your committees because "what else are they doing." They are doing plenty. Just like you.

This gift of motherhood is such a mixed bag. In the end, I am confident that the main reason God created children and the family is that it is one major learning environment where we can learn to be more like Him, rely on Him, be humbled, sustained, and taught by Him-- an environment where we give up power and control and trust the Almighty in a totally new way.

Stefanie is "learning about how Big God is through her insecurities about Baby #2." Has a nice ring to it.

On the journey,
Mae

Quick 5 (Things I'm looking forward to)

2011-08-19T08:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday everyone-- we made it! If last week was a week of socializing and mom's dinner out, then this week was a week of work .I worked Tuesday and then had orientation on Wednesday and Thursday. It was pretty fun-- mostly because I'm so excited and thrilled to be there. Thursday night I worked at JCA from 4:30-9:30-- which made for a long day considering I'd left the house at 7:30 that morning. But it's over, and I survived. And I there are lots of fun things to look forward to... which brings me to my Quick 5 today.

1. Friday Play-Date-- We are heading to the Humane Society and then for a picnic at the park next door in about, oh, an hour. Just love getting up and knowing I get to see these sweet friends and have something fun to do with Dekker.
2. Saturday Casting Call-- that's right, we're taking Dekker to Village Pointe to be photographed for the Fat Brain Toys catalog Saturday morning. Those eyelashes!?!?! I'm sure he'll probably make the cover. Excited to have something to get up and around for, and maybe we'll even find a cup of coffee and an Old Navy sale!
3. Saturday night work party. Here's what I love about this the most-- A). Babysitter and night out with the hubby. B). Dave gets to meet my co-workers. C). I actually have co-workers and am not working alone at the end of a long hallway anymore.
4. The new venue at Stonebridge! Our incredible church has been building an alternative venue. We are super excited that its "soft opening" starts this Sunday at 11:00. There are three weeks of soft openings, followed by the grand opening on September 11th where it will be open every week at 9:30 and 11:00. If you are looking for a church home in the Omaha area, I sincerely hope you will consider the authentic community at Stonebridge. We love Stonebridge so much we invite strangers, which-- trust me, we have never done before.
5. Sunday Zoo Day-- Dave and I were just talking about this weekend, and after nap on Sunday I think we'll head downtown and enjoy this gorgeous weather. Sounds fun!

Here's to a great weekend! I wasn't sure I would survive 30 hours of work in 3 days, but thankfully I have a fantastic Day Care Friend, a supportive husband, and the mental capacity to take "One Day At A Time." Thankful for the opportunity to work, and thankful for a few days at home, too!

On the journey,
Stef

Perspective

2011-08-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

This weekend we went to a family wedding on Saturday night. I do love a fun wedding and the reception was at the Rococo in downtown Lincoln, which was a super cool venue. We got Dekker up at 6:45AM and he was ready for an early nap, then we all traveled to the church. He had been asking for Papa and Nana for several days, and it was so fun when he woke up from his nap to finally say "We get to go see Papa and Nana!" He was so thrilled.

We got to the church and just like in the movies, he jumped out of Dave's arms and ran straight to his Papa. His little tie was blowing in the wind, his long sleeved shirt tucked into his khaki pants with leather loafers-- are you kidding me-- he was adorable! He sat on Papa's lap and took the entire wedding in like such a champ-- he barely moved he was snuggled in so well. At one point in the wedding I looked over to him and silently thanked God. I just love that kid so much. And I'm so thankful to the gift-giver for such an incredible gift.

When the wedding was over we blew bubbles at the bride and groom and headed to the car for the reception. But Dekker was beside himself. We peeled him out of my Dad's arms while he hysterically called out, "Papa, Papa." We tried so hard to explain that we will see Papa VERY SOON, like in 5 minutes, and that we are going to the SAME PLACE, just taking different cars. We said that Papa is driving his car and we are driving our car and we will get to spend lots more time with him in a SHORT WHILE. He was barely comforted by this, and the reunion at the reception was sweet for sure!

I am knee deep in grief, loss and bereavement literature at the college in preparation for one of my classes. So this might seem kinda morbid... but I think waiting for heaven is a lot like that drive to the reception. I can hear God saying to me... "Stefanie, you (and Grandma/Grandpa/Uncle Don/Baby Rowe/Etc) are going to the SAME PLACE, just taking different "cars." You will see him/her VERY SOON." And that is true. Just that my definition of Very Soon is a lot like Dekker's-- as in, I'd like it to be yesterday, right now, or in the immediate for-see-able future. When you understand the final destination and have full faith in an eternal God, the "short drive" seems a little more bearable-- it is a matter of confidence in the destination ("Heaven is real") and perspective ("Even many many years on earth compares not to eternity").

Well, all that being said, I'll cry at the next funeral I go to. It is still so hard to understand grief and loss, and I know that "buck up therapy" rooted in "Why are you sad? You'll see her again someday?" is really not helpful. At all. But today, looking back and ahead, I think God taught me something about perspective while I wrestled a sobbing Dekker into his carseat.

On the Journey,
Stef

Quick 5 (Things Dekker is saying right now)

2011-08-12T09:36:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday everyone. I hope you have had a great week because we have around here. Can you say gorgeous weather!! So much fun, we have discovered bubbles and side-walk chalk and even gotten a few walks in. I worked Tues/Thurs and am making great progress at the school, and I'm ready for the students to show up and just jump right in. Still a few more weeks to go, and I'll be thankful for the additional time in my office, I'm sure.

We've done some fun "adult" things this week, too. I had a fantastic "Girls Night" Monday night with three other Mom's. We usually get together with our kids and have about 5 total minutes to talk without disciplining our kids, chasing the kids, or having them crawl all over us. We love it, and we love our kids, but it was great to sit and visit for---3 hours-- without them. Wednesday when I was home I decided to pay bills-- like the $450 one that let us know Dekker didn't have any allergies (thank goodness for the HSA). We pay cash for the first 4K of our medical expenses. But don't feel bad for us because we pay zero monthly premium. So we save that money instead and only use it when we have an expense. Also on Wednesday I called "Dan", who sounded oddly like he was in New Delhi, and paid off our last student loan. PRAISE THE LORD. We have been "snowballing" our student loans and they went so fast at the end. Now, we're debating what to do with the money we had been putting toward the loans. "Eating Out and Wild Parties" got vetoed, so now we're debating between long-term savings, and our 4-Runner. Thursday night we hosted a few friends for a BBQ feast. We lost power for the entire time and about 3 hours total, and I wasn't having my best parenting night and oddly, Dekker didn't want to sit quietly with the adults-- but it was still a great time and gorgeous night to grill and sit on the deck. Today is Friday and tonight I'm getting together with my sweet friend Jen. What a week!

Okay, well on to the show! Today's Quick 5 is about what Dekker has been saying lately. He is speaking more and more and it is a riot. He'll repeat anything, but these are his favorites for now.

1. "No." So classic. He doesn't just say "No," but he screams it in a very determined way. If I raise my voice, you better believe he raises his. It has been an exercise in self control as I teach him how to handle his anger by evaluating how I handle mine.
2. "Why, Mommy." Also so classic. He loves to ask Why. I always give him a simple answer, which is quickly followed by "huh?".
3. "Thanks Mom". I'm super proud of this one. Whenever I give him anything, like a cup or lunch or help him with a toy-- he says "Thanks Mom." He could get out of about any amount of trouble with this simple statement, but I'm not sure he's figured it out yet.
4. "Yes, un-huh, hmmmm" and these happen while we pray for dinner. Dave says a dinner time prayer and Dekker is very enthusiastic about agreeing with him while he prays. I must do this without realizing it, and it's amazing what he catches on to. So adorable and charismatic he is-- while he's doing this he is inevitably still trying to drink from his cup or take a bite. I could eat him up.
5. "Cup". But it sounds like "Pop." So when we're with friends or out in public and he casually says "Mommy I want pop" I feel like the worst mom in the world and start correcting him immediately-- "Do you want your Cup buddy? Should we put some WATER in your CUP?" The good news is that he is easy to please and simply giving him a "cup" filled with anything satisfies this request. But I have found myself saying "We don't give him pop" about 100 times. Why do I care?!?

Have a great weekend everybody. We have a fun Saturday planned with a wedding in Lincoln. Always love me a good wedding and love seeing the extended fam.

On the Journey,
Mae

Quick 5 (My work-week in a nutshell)

2011-08-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday everyone! Here's to a pretty quick "Quick 5", as Dekker rams an old "walk behind" toy into the cupboards repeatedly. Ah, Daddy just came up the stairs and Dekker ran over to him yelling "Hi Daddy! Hi Daddy!" with High 5's and an enthusiastic "yes"! He is such a cool kid, seriously, we hit the jackpot with him.

1. Monday-- In high school I ran with three sweet girls-- Sara, Jen, Amanda. I love them. There is something just totally wonderful about being with friends who knew you back then, and still love you today. Our lives have changed, but whose hasn't! Amanda has four kids, Jen has two-- including her sweet 12-week old baby girl Marah, and Sara has sweet Kolbe and lives in Arizona (boooo! We miss her!). We took a few pics to send her way.

Oh 6 month belly. I will "miss" you someday, but not when taking pictures :)

Sweet baby!

Another reason I love these girls? Because when I show them this picture of my dad's new car they gasp just like I did! "Steve Soden? Bought that!?!?!" Thank you girls! For fully understanding the impact of this awesome-ness!

It was a spectacular "play date" complete with chicken salad on croissant, fruit salad, and lots of kiddos running around. Such a total joy, they also gave me lots of great ideas for Dekker's "big boy" room and "big boy" toys. Being with these girls reminds me how much I miss them-- the only sad thing about being together!

2. Tuesday-- My first "official" day at NCC was over-shadowed by the Cupcake Wars viewing party at the local Bliss Bakery downtown. They did a great job representing Omaha and Bliss-- and Dave and I loved a mid-week babysitter and night "out." We ate Happy Hour at Hiro 88 downtown before-hand with some fun friends. Bliss was packed, so I sweat it out and had to leave ASAP before I fainted. Thankfully I had random mail in my purse to fan my huge self with and my friend Cari had a random hair tie and I stripped down a layer and nearly ran around naked but chose not to. Grandma and Grandpa Rowe babysat and apparently Dekker didn't want to go to bed, so he got to stay up late-- a little treat that warmed my heart a little. I walked up the stairs and he said "Hi Mom." Hahahaha.

3. Wednesday-- Another "play date" at my house with four friends and approximately 1,000 children. It was a packed house, but it was great to be together. I haven't yet downloaded the picture of Max, who stripped himself down and sat on the potty (like a big boy) with his helpers, Dekker and Quinn, unrolling an entire roll of toilet paper for him. It got quiet, and when we found them in the bathroom we just laughed. At least we're all pretty laid back. And at least I have lots of toilet tissue hanging around. And at least I have great friends to spend the morning with!

4. Thursday-- My second official day at NCC. I am going through lecture notes from the previous professor and updating with some of my materials and moving everything to PowerPoint. It is a lot of office work and I'm looking forward to the arrival of students, but I'm pretty nervous, too. I have been setting up my computer, voice-mail, and...tada... got business cards. I also got a touch of a stomach/gastro bug Thursday. Thankfully, everyone assumed I was in the restroom every 10 minutes because I'm pregnant :)

Dekker was totally out of sorts Thursday night. He kept waking up sobbing-- and I'm pretty sure he wasn't feeling well either. He kept saying "ouchie" but couldn't say what it was for. At about 9:30 Dave just decided to let him sleep in the crook of his arm in the big chair. He turned on a show and low and behold, the babe wanted to watch TV. Then he hopped down and started playing with his fire truck, so Daddy wisely put him in bed, crying and all. He was out. Dave also encouraged me to buy a new book on my Kindle and stay in the bedroom all night-- which I did after dinner and I do feel better today, for the most part.

5. Friday-- I think Dekker and I are both feeling better, Praise the Lord! I don't feel great, but not like yesterday, for sure. We are heading to Lincoln tonight to do something fun with my brother's family, sans my brother :/ His wifey and kiddos are traveling through-- and I'm excited to see them and get the cousins together! Any fun eatery suggestions, in addition to Chuck-y Cheese?

Happy Friday!
On the journey,
Stef

Quick 5 (Things that I bought on-line last night)

2011-07-29T09:31:00.003-05:00

1. Cow-Print Contact Paper: The "big boy" room continues. I have scaled it back a ~~little~~ lot because I am running out of time and realizing more and more that Dekker, gosh, doesn't care :) And because I am on my THIRD gallon of paint in that room, disliking the first two that I brought home. Can we say "So Frustrated!" (Can we say "Buy the sample size next time!!") I'm trying not to adopt a "just get it done" attitude and to still do it well. Pics to come.

2. 140 Address labels from VistaPrint. They were FREE with $3.11 shipping. I am psyched-- I am always looking for these and at the rate that I love on-line bill pay and shopping 140 will last forever.

3. A new car seat for Dekker. (I found a much better deal on Amazon but I can't figure out how to log out so I'm not linking it. I don't want you guys shopping on my one-click account! Hahaha) For the last two years we have shared one car seat in the 4 Runner. This means that I take Dekker to daycare, then buzz back home and switch cars so Dave has the car seat when it's pick up time. I haven't minded, because generally the earliest appt I have is 10AM. But now that I'm driving to the middle of Papillion by 9AM, I wanted to avoid that extra step in the mornings. This seat breaks down and will work until college, anyway, so it was in some capacity something we would have to buy anyway. I think it will be well worth the convenience!

4. New liability insurance for counseling. It breaks my heart to shell out this much money on something when I am getting out of the business, but it is absolutely necessary even if I just see a few clients. It is, as this type of insurance goes, pretty reasonable, so why chance it. I set 4 dates (total) on the calendar at my office for August, Sept, Oct and then am officially "done" in November.

5. My text book for "Counseling as Ministry." (Just figured the Amazon acct out.) Have I mentioned how excited I am? I spent Thursday AM setting up my office, unloading boxes, filing papers, getting internet passwords, etc. I start working out there on Tues/Thurs AM next week and I have some serious work to do! But I'm thrilled.

I should also say that this "saved for and well planned shopping night" prompted a call from the fraud dept of my credit card first thing this morning. Isn't that such a great feeling? Thanks for looking out for me, Visa! And yes, I did buy from "an insurance company", "cow depot" and "a book-store" all within an hour.

Happy weekend everyone! We have a really fun weekend planned and I hope you do, too!

On the journey,
Mae

Master Bedroom Make-Over

2011-07-15T14:30:00.000-05:00

A few months ago I was looking over my Eleven Goals for 2011. One that really stuck out to me was painting two walls in the Master bedroom-- because I knew that if I didn't do it now there was no way I'd do it after the baby.

First, I want you to know that when we moved, two of the walls were paneling. So my sweet husband and our handy brother-in-law took down the paneling and dry-walled. The paneling was both glued and nailed in. What a 1980's hot mess. Here are a few pics from 2007...

Between the closet and door, we took the paneling down and had to
replace the dry wall for obvious reasons. Please also note the
wall-paper border-- which was in every room in some capacity including this one.

Prepping for new drywall. Do you see the return air vent?

Two other smaller sections had 1/2 wall of paneling

My friend Suzanne and I painstakingly painted those walls when we moved with love. We visited and painted and just had a ball. At least that's how I remember it. We did all four the same color and declared it "drab" so we added a faux finish to two of the walls. It looked a little odd-- but short on time and ready to move, we decided to see if it would "grow" on us. Two of the walls were tan with a pink undertone. The other two were finished with a yellow faux undertone. Turns out that never really grows on a person. Live and learn. Eventually, we got bedroom furniture for the mattress we bought with nearly all our wedding money. Before that, we just had a mattress on a frame, which was frankly fine. We needed end-tables, and found some bookshelves I thought would be perfect at NFM. My friend Beth and I knew the orange would be a fun accent, and got some pillows, sheets and a comforter a few years later. And so it was for several years-- I liked a lot of the "stuff" to be honest, including the bedding. But I knew the bookshelves were too much and that the paint just didn't look right. Here are some before pics of paint and bedding.


To be fair, this is what our room typically looks like. Messy bed! Mis-matched sheets, stuff strewn about. Note the picture frame on the wall. It hung there for a year with no pics because I never thought it looked right :) You can also see the ceiling fan and different wall colors.

A more "fair" before pic. Because my "after" pics will be cleaned up!
One thing I hated was not having a lamp to read with at night. The book-
shelves were tricky to get much light-- which meant I had to get out of bed.
Am I lazy or what?!?


Again, the window swag matched the bedding but not the tone of the room/walls. And I had it swung up so Dekker didn't pull on it. Also note the basket of shoes at the end of my bed. I have no-where to put them because our closet has a double rod and my clothes brush the ground.

The return air vent. We originally made the hole too big, then
patched it several years later but never painted, etc.

The dresser and wall behind it. This is pretty clean for us :)

So, upon deciding that I need a hobby now that I'm not feeling like death all the time, I called my friend Kim Hazlip (who helped me do the hearth room) and gave her a tiny budget for this room. What I love about Kim is that she has a great eye for style, but is also great about helping with organizing, simplifying, etc. The first thing she helped me was the shoes. I cleaned the hall closet, right outside our bedroom, and added baskets for my non-work shoes...


Before Pic of the closet. Note the Drain-O that I am fairly certain could kill Dekker. Ug, got that under a locked cabinet!

After pic. I condensed and threw away a bunch of expired stuff.
Then added those two black baskets for my in season non-work shoes.
My out of season shoes (boots) went under my bed in a tote.

Then she did her magic and showed up a week later with new "stuff" for the room, some ideas for me to consider ordering, and a wall color she knew would look fab. I really wanted to get this room done in June, so I got to painting right away...

Painting a bedroom (any room) is so much work. We moved the furniture
little by little. I cleaned behind it (baseboards, vacuum, etc), then got to work.
I did only one coat of this Sherwin-Williams No VOC paint, and then went
back and touched up. I was a little obsessive but wanted it to be just right.

What a mess! Do you see all that stuff on the bed!!

I had to find a home for all this stuff! Thankfully, a lot of it has a
home in the new room, or got thrown out, or donated, or will go to my new office
at NCC (including the bookshelves).


By the end of this Dave was about to kill me :) He is a trooper, and helped reach a few areas even the ladder and I couldn't do well.

So are you ready to see the new room? I love it. Please notice the new end-tables/baskets, lamps (night time reading made easier again), new ceiling fan, closet door knobs, new outlet covers, hampers, window swag, and dresser decor. I did buy new sheets, which put us over budget, but when I did we seriously had four different sets represented on the bed, including a different top sheet and bottom sheet. One got a hole, so we just put an old one on, etc. It's nice to have matching, non-hole sheets again, with matching pillow cases (gasp!). While we were over budget and on vacation we also bought a print for the wall that we love.


Drum Roll Please...


Confession: The other thing I told Kim I wanted? Sexy. Mission accomplished!

No more bulky bookshelves. And obviously the print that we love.

New window swag that looks just gorgeous with the print.

The top of our dresser. Very fun to have the mirrors and lamps
playing off one another.

New ceiling fan. Dave really wanted this!

Lookie there! No shoes all over the foot of the bed. With this
space clean, it feels like the room got so much bigger!

Josie is modeling the new white outlet covers!

Another look of the "after."


New hamper, beautiful space!

Well friends, there you have it. I have about 30 min left of nap-time so I think I had better go! If you made it this far, you are rewarded with a few "extra" pics (since I have the camera loaded up and all...)

A hot drink during a heat advisory. I love my 2 cups of caffeine a day. Don't knock it.

Heavens to Betsy. 23 weeks.

Such fun memories!


A gorgeous day for a Mississippi boat ride!

On the journey,
Mae

Dubuque

2011-07-13T14:53:00.004-05:00

We just got home from Soden Family Vacation. The last time we took one of these it was just the six of us. We went to Jamaica. We stayed up late, lounged in the pool, drank humming-birds, played cards, slept in and sun-tanned. It was glorious! Now, three kids and five years later... things have changed!

We met in Dubuque, Iowa. It is just on the Iowa/Illinois state line and we picked it because it is half way between my folks and my brother... and Dave and I got lucky and had a two hour break on the other's drive time. It was 8 hours for them, 6 for us. Plus stops. And we traveled at the speed of a pregnant lady and a toddler, so we were in no hurry. And we did a little shopping in Des Moines on the way out-- I'm here to tell you there is nothing I love more than traveling at the speed of "vacation".

Turns out, it's not the place, but the people that make for a great vacation. Not that we didn't like Dubuque. I mean, it's no Jamaica, but we didn't have these three smilers in Jamaica, now did we?!?


From Left: Crewe, Dekker, Brooks

And we didn't have an ocean view room this time, but we had a gorgeous view of the Mississippi River!

We had a great stay at the Grand Harbor Resort and Waterpark. The Waterpark was smaller than we anticipated but was absolutely perfect for our little kids. We could put life-jackets on them and let them roam and run. They had two water-slides that were a HIT with them, and one great, big white water-slide that went outside the building and got dark at one point. Everyone who could ride that slide did, including Nana and Dekker-- and it was a hoot!

We spent the mornings in the waterpark, found lunch on-site, napped/rested/showered then spent the afternoon and evening doing other fun stuff.... like going to the Mississippi River Museum and Aquarium...

...and going on a boat ride!

We ate great food-- especially at dinner, and made great memories. There is something truly wonderful and special about spending time with Family. I love my brother and his wife, and this trip reminded me how much I miss them. But I am so thankful for time away and spent together. We don't get to BBQ all summer long and have play-dates all winter long, but we get to meet up in the middle of no-where and make it the coolest vacation spot around for a few days. No cooking. No laundry. No messy houses to clean. No jobs or pagers or email. Truly wonderful.

I can't put words to a picture like this or somehow tell you what it means to me, but I think you "get the picture."

This was also the first vacation we had really taken with Dekker. We went to Vegas, and on our cruise, but didn't take Dekker. We've traveled to visit family with him, but this was different. And he did great. He is seriously an incredible travel partner, though he IS a toddler and acts like one sometimes! He slept pretty well-- but was up with the birds! He slept on an air-mattress (with bumpers) on the floor, and did crawl into bed with us and sleep in the morning. He NEVER sleeps with us at home-- we just never let him and now he won't-- so this was kinda special :) He loved having his daddy lay next to him at night-- and would ask "Daddy?" about every two minutes while falling asleep. All Dave said was "I'm right here buddy." We sat by him and rubbed his hair and sang him songs and mouthed to each other "Cutest Kid Ever" while he fell asleep. Then we watched the History Channel and drank pop and fell asleep ourselves. Not a bad gig :)

We had lots of fun, and enjoyed a few days to just be a family. Dekker was pretty much stuck to his daddy like white-on-rice. But he and I got to play a lot together in the waterpark and I loved it. (23 weeks pregnant and in a swimsuit? Who cares!!) This hot, nauseated, Mama was okay not hauling him around all weekend, but I was ready to snuggle him up all day today!

Here's to family vacation. It has changed a lot in the last 5 years. But we'll blink and these days will be gone. I wouldn't change a thing!

On the journey,
Mae

Quick 5 (Things that are making me smile right now)

2011-07-01T13:55:00.003-05:00

The return of the Quick 5! Happy Friday everyone.

1. My new potted plants. Some of you might remember that I had a terrible experience at Mulhalls some time ago, which after a nasty gram they did make right. Many months later they sent me a sweet gift card-- hoping they could get another chance at making it right for me. I hung on to it for forever, but recently realized that my kitchen plant was very "rooted" and needed to be split. I took it in yesterday and they said it is in such good shape (yay me!) that they thought I should plant it in a bigger pot for now, before splitting it-- likely in about a year (it will officially be "too big" then). The sweet woman helping me showed me to this adorable clearance pot for $12 which was cheaper than the plastic.... and presto. She trimmed it up, potted it, cut it back-- all for about $2. I took in another pot that I have had forever on my living room shelf empty and we found a little $9 diddy to put in it. So cute. In all, it was about $27 including labor and dirt. My gift card was $20. Perfect. I will send a nice gram today, because that is your responsibility if you also send nasty ones. The only down-side was the incredible heat in their huge and gorgeous green room. It was HOT. I was so thankful Daddy and Dekker were running errands elsewhere. Here are a few pics of the newly improved plants.


Thank you cousin (and faithful blog reader and friend) Tisha for this pot at Family Christmas several years ago. I love it even more with a plant in it.

2. Our sweet baby BOY. (These are obviously in no "best to least" order.) We had our 20 week ultrasound Wednesday morning. It was a lot of fun and we had a great nurse who was appropriately chatty and appropriately informative. She asked if we wanted to know the gender and we said yes, but that we wanted her to write it on a note-card and put it in the envelope we brought. She honestly thought I was CRAZY. I tried to explain that I have anxiety and that finding out in private is very helpful to me, and she still thought I was neurotic. But she did it. Then made a note in my permanent file that she did so--- ahem, okay. I did think this baby was a girl because my due date is my late Grandma's birthday. So I was genuinely shocked. I was thrilled that everything looked healthy, but still totally shocked. I kept it together until I talked to my dad about 6:30 Wednesday night-- when I finally confessed my sadness over not being able to (middle) name my girl "Mae" like me and Grandma-- I sobbed so hard that I pulled over in the Bakers parking lot and shocked sweet Dekker in the back seat. Oh dad, you got the brunt of my pregnancy hormones, the end of a long and emotional day, and my genuine sadness because I knew you'd understand and care. I miss Grandma a lot. Here is a picture of sweet R2. I already love that he is a boy, and can't wait to do a boy nursery.


This is a picture of a picture so I'm sorry. I will do better later. Do you see those sweet cheeks and that nose? He is Adorable.

3. Dekker's nose spray. Remember that this is to combat reflux. Who would have thought? Not me, but I don't care because he has been healthy for the longest stretch in his life. He even got a little cold, which we let run it's course and it did not end up totally infecting his ears/sinus/lungs and he did not end up on antibiotics. (Enter giant sigh of relief here.)

4. We are doing a mini-bedroom make-over in the Master Bedroom. This will be a post full of much better pictures with the fancy camera soon. My sweet friend Kim Hazlip helped me do this on a tiny budget, and it is looking fantastic. I have been painting (doctor approved, well ventilated, no VOC paint) and painting. We buy the "No VOC" paint from Sherwin-Williams and it is worth it, but it's like buying the best from the best. Thankfully, we don't need much. Anyway, this section of wall has not had a vent on it since we moved in and took down the paneling and put up drywall in 2007. We cut the hole too big in the drywall and patched it several years later, but never finished the texture and/or paint. Until now. I love looking up and seeing this!

This project has me all sorts of motivated to get cracking on Dekker's new room, the office, and the nursery. I never did a "nursery" with Dekker-- as in the walls are still blank. His first bedroom was literally a blue sheet. When my Grandma got sick, I spent a lot of my last trimester on the road so decorating was appropriately on the back burner. But I do hope to make Dekker a sweet big-boy room and do something new with the nursery. And I'm not waiting until the last minute this time! (Last baby we were finishing up the kitchen/hearth room project!)

5. My flower pots. Maybe I do have a green thumb? I tried a few new sun plants on the back deck this year-- and they look great. These white things look better in person, I promise, and are a nice contrast to the red and pink. I planted 5 pots total, and this one is my favorite for now. The recent rain has sure helped!

Can I just say that it feels so good to feel good! I'm not sure if it's the first trimester is finally over, or a depression is lifting, or the sun feels good-- or what-- and I don't care. I am loving having energy, doing projects, feeling exhausted at night (but not mid-day!), planning for my new job at NCC, and looking forward to a baby in the house again-- I am praising the Lord for sure!

On the journey,
Mae

Six for Six

2011-06-15T14:12:00.000-05:00

In honor of Dave and my six year anniversary, I am writing six wonderful things about him. I did this last year, and upon reviewing it, I am going to try and find some new things-- but that doesn't mean those things still aren't wonderful and alive.

1. Your faith. Well, I can't not mention this. It was the most attractive thing about you when I met you, and it still is-- which says a lot. I still remember the devotion you gave on our way home from Mexico in 2003. You were such a HUNK up there reading from your Bible in your cargo shorts and glasses. You snored all night in that huge gym, but I forgot all about it when you prayed! Seriously, you live your faith out in your everyday life, words, and actions-- and I admire that about you. I'm lucky to have you.

2. The way you put me at ease. You know just how to make me laugh. You do wonders for my anxiety ("I know what would help, let's worry") and you loosen me up! Before I met you, I was like a square who needed softer edges. Thank you for helping me relax, and reminding me that perfection is not the goal. You are a great communicator, and when I'm in a ridiculous tizzy you are clear and use language I swear you read in my counseling books.

3. You are a great dad. You are wonderful with Dekker. You are such an involved Dad and Dekker is so lucky. I love hearing you put Dekker to bed, play games with him, read him books and sing him songs-- even the National Anthem. Because you are right, there is nothing wrong with having a patriotic child. Thanks for not calling it "babysitting" and instead calling it "parenting" when I'm away for the weekend or working for the night, or need my own time-out in the middle of the day!

4. You cry. Or, you get something in your eye every baptism at church, occasionally when you see Dekker do something wonderful (or wonderfully ordinary), see an ultrasound, see any female in your family cry, when we say good-bye to special family members, when we talk about or read something sad, and when you watch X-Men. Well, maybe that was actually something in your eye, I'm not sure. You are such a man's man, and that's why I love this trait about you.

5. Your mad DIY skills. The basement looks awesome-- new windows, electrical, framing, trim and all. Your skills are all over this house, and I love this house. You have saved us so much money, and heaven knows that I have nice taste.

6. That you are never done dreaming, planning, thinking about the future. It strikes my insecurity ("What's wrong with what we have?") but makes me smile, too. God has wired you up to be a learner, and I want to be the person you share what you're learning with.

Happy Anniversary Dear.

We had a great anniversary weekend-- we dropped Dekker off in Lincoln with Grandpa and Nana Saturday lunch time. He climbed right into their truck and popped into the car-seat. We buckled him in and he said "Bye Mom. Bye D." He did not cry one tear-- he is so big and oh my he loves those two. We came home and had a wonderful evening out-- light dinner, movie, sushi. Then we slept until 9AM (oh how I miss that) and had lunch before we walked around Trader Joe's and went to pick up Dekker. It was just 24 hours, but it was fun. And we genuinely enjoy "windshield time" so it was great. It was great to see Dekker, too. He cried when he left Nana and Grandpa, in case you were wondering :)

Here's to year number Seven!

On the journey,

Mae

Oh Baby!

2011-06-05T20:47:00.001-05:00

Well, I just had a terrific 16 week appointment. I am still in the phase of "Do you really think there is anything in there?" Low and behold, the doctor let me hear the heartbeat again and sure enough, there is a real-live being in my stomach. It's soooo weird and equally as wonderful at the same time.

This post assumes two things: You care that I am pregnant, and these are questions you might have asked. In a Q&A format, I'll pretend like someone wanted to know these answers-- and even if you don't, I'll be glad for the "dear Diary" entry when I look back, I'm sure.

Q1. Did you get pregnant on the cruise?
No. We had a lovely cruise and our date of conception is several weeks after we got home.

Q2. Were you "trying"?
Not necessarily. But we know how babies are made. We were doing Natural Family Planning.

Q3. So did Natural Family Planning fail?
No. I was being very lazy in doing my part because I knew we were close to trying and it was something we had talked about many a nights. I knew if this happened, we wouldn't be upset, uninsured, etc. BUT, I will say that NFP has been a wonderful method for us and we encourage anyone considering it to check out the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility."

Q4. Did you have any early signs/symptoms?
Not that I can remember. I had been having pretty irregular cycles and did have what I thought was a really short and light cycle. I had a talk with my sweet friend who is a PA and she suggested it could be hormonal and that talking to my OB wouldn't be a bad idea. So I would say this incomplete, weird cycle was my only major clue, which really wasn't one considering the symptoms.

Q5. So then what?
Well, I called my OB's office and left a message for the nurse. In the mean time, I took a test because wouldn't that be embarrassing and sure enough... Positive. I took it downstairs to Dave and said, "I don't know if I should cry or laugh." We were both pretty shocked, but thrilled.

Q6. You miscarried before Dekker, did this change anything with this pregnancy?
Not a lot, but my doctor did do routine blood work. When I miscarried my progesterone was very low-- a classic indicator-- so she ran that and HCG. Both came back great. I was to repeat the HCG in 48 hours to make sure it was doubling as appropriate.

I got a call from the nurse who said that my HCG was very low. She said it was a 94 suggesting I was just a few days pregnant. I said that was very possible. Then, when I went back for the second round of blood-work she said, "Mrs. Rowe there has been a mistake, please come back with me." I was horrified. Turns out my levels were 94,000 indicating I was 3-9 weeks pregnant. So we didn't even re-do the blood work considering my progesterone was so good.

A few days later my doctor was back in town and we did an ultrasound to "date the pregnancy." I was 7.5 weeks along. That made us laugh. I literally knew I was pregnant with Dekker days after conception!

Q7. When is your due-date?
November 16. This date is so significant to me. My sweet Grandma Soden passed away when I was quite pregnant with Dekker. I traveled to see her, spoke at her funeral-- I am even named after her. She is very special in my life and her birthday is... November 16. It might be incorrect theology to say so, but I believe this was a very personal touch from God-- a little note to me that He is in control, and that He loves me so much that I believe He gets pleasure from lining up the universe so I would "accidentally" get pregnant and be due on Grandma Soden's birthday. This due date has brought me so much peace, and brought me to nearly the ugly cry at that doctor's appointment.

Q8. Do you think it's a girl or boy?
Girl. And I'll name her after Grandma Soden. I hope she'll share our middle name of Mae and that she's born on her due date. But, I love the idea of "brothers" too, so I'll be okay either way. We have our 20 week scan on June 29th.

Q9. How have you been feeling?
Mostly good. I have had more low-grade but constant nausea with this pregnancy-- which gets annoying, but I am so lucky, and I know it. I have only gained 3 lbs and have been able to stay really active so far-- mostly walking. I told my doctor that I gained half of my pregnancy weight BEFORE I got pregnant and she just smiled and said it's okay for the baby to live off my "reserves." Ahem, okay.

Q10. How did you tell your parents?
We bought a "Big Brother" T-Shirt and let Dekker wear it. We told my folks when they were here for Dekker's 2nd birthday party, and Dave's the Monday after. It was so fun. They are so excited for us, and for Dekker, who loves "babies" and will be one heck of a big brother. I have been emotional, of course, thinking about sharing both my time and attention, but I'm praying that what people have told me is true-- and that another part of my heart will come to life to love this child so that I am not dividing my love. I love my brother, so I am trying not to apologize to Dekker, but think about what a blessing this is to him.

I have been really eating well and drinking water and blah blah. But my one pregnancy craving so far has been Runza. And Dave just got home with my "one per week" Runza. So I better go!

On the Journey,
Stef

Book Study

2011-05-17T15:59:00.002-05:00

I am embarking on a book study with some wonderful ladies-- "God's Girls" so we've come to call ourselves-- at work. We are studying through the book "Made to Crave: Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food" by Lysa Terkeurst. My initial thought was that this would be interesting at best, but it has hit home much closer than I anticipated. How often do I run to food for comfort, as a reward, when I feel joy or experience stress, when I am sad, happy or bored? Painfully, more often than I'd like. The issue at hand isn't my pant size, but my heart condition. And one is growing and the other isn't, if you get my drift.

God never intended we love anything more than we love him.

Interesting! I particularly related to the story in Matthew 19, where a rich young man comes to see Jesus and explains that he is following all the rules but recognizes something is missing. "All of these (rules) I have kept", he says to Jesus. "What do I still lack?" Jesus responds by telling him to sell all his possessions to the poor. And the man goes away... sad... because he doesn't want to give up the ONE thing that consumes him.

In other words-- Jesus wants us to give up the one thing we crave more than Him.

What is it for you? What do you crave more than God? Is it food? Appreciation? Comfort? Money? Pleasing others? Clothes? Home decor? Well behaved kids? A well taken care of house? Exercise? Being well respected at work? Approval from peers? Appearance?

As I prepare for our book study, does anyone have an idea about how we can "reward" ourselves without food? This might show you how far gone I am. I can't imagine rewarding myself with a pedicure or new shirt, because then aren't I trading one craving for another? Is the answer here that I should pray to be content celebrating with God and not "rewarding" myself on this green Earth? Can I reward myself with a new iTunes download if it's Christian music? This is me, calling out for help :) Would love to hear from you on this one.

The other thing I have been thinking honestly about is all my excuses for not eating more healthy and maintaining an overall healthy lifestyle. Things like:
* It's not that bad the way it is.
* I should learn to love myself the way I am
* It's my age
* It's my metabolism
* It's my genetics
* Surely it's not Runza, hamburgers and fries and chips!
* This is a bad time to start a new healthy lifestyle-- I'm pregnant.
* This is a bad time to start a new healthy lifestyle-- I have small kids.
* I have the rest of my life to be healthy
* I should focus more on Dekker/raising kids for this season of life

I am putting together that the most important thing I can do to be the Mom, friend, wife, daughter, employee, that I can be is to love God more. And to love God more, I need to surrender the things that I crave more than Him.

I hate to write this publicly. Next time you see me saddled up to the salsa at La Mesa just know I'm a work in progress, okay.

Bless you all.

On the journey,
Stef

New Beginnings

2011-05-15T14:09:00.003-05:00

Can I just say that I count my job as one of the most difficult blessings I have ever endured. I am a person of great anxiety without God's help. I listen to people share the story of how my greatest fears have acted out in their life. I am in a constant battle to trust God more, as I turn over to Him my fears and trust that even IF something like this happens to me-- He will be there. My patients are some of the most courageous, honest, faithful people I know.

That being said, it has been a difficult two years since making the move from the hospital to private practice. It was very difficult at first, which I expected to some degree. Toss in a 5 month old and I was humbled. Now, toss in a 2 year old and a newborn come this fall, and I am... ready to move on. I can't say enough how this has nothing to do with the actual work that I do. I love sitting in session guiding and encouraging the people God has brought to me. But I don't love checking my work phone and email seven days a week, being "on call" for emergencies 24 hrs a day, returning calls at 11PM-- or over my entire nap time for that matter. I don't love the hours of paperwork I do and working 10 hour days only to see four clients. I am my own secretary, office manager, emergency on-call line, files auditor, marketing manager, suicide prevention hot-line, case consultant... you get the picture. I am a one man show. I have worked with professionals and friends over the past two years to have better boundaries, to leave work at work, to find some help with tough cases, to take care of myself, to do strategic marketing, to keep up on my paperwork. It has helped tremendously. But what I have realized over the last year-- and 6 months particularly-- is that this is not the type of work God has wired me up to do.

Counseling is for me. I have spent a lot of time in thought and prayer trying to answer the questions "Is it what I'm doing" or "Where I'm doing it?" The answer I have decided is... both... for now.

"Where I'm doing it?" I can't imagine a day when I go back into private practice. I would love to do individual counseling in a clinic, or in a hospital again-- but I doubt it will be on my own. I am wired up to work with a team of people. Period.

"What I'm doing?" I also can't imagine going the rest of my life without going back to traditional counseling someday. But I can't foresee being the mom and wife I want to be juggling a caseload like what I have right now. This is the ... for now... that I referenced above. I'm ready for a break, and any counselor-educator will tell you that a burnt out counselor is no counselor at all.

"So what's next?" Well, I have been praying about this regularly. In November I had a painful discussion with the owner of the practice where I sit. Since then, I have been praying and praying that God would help me live out my "Strongest Life." On New Years Eve I cried to my dad on my Grandma's couch in Colorado. I remember saying "something has to change!" He is wise, and he told me to be strategic but to not stay in a job that is getting me down "just because." In January, I made a 6 month commitment to myself that I would quit looking at other practices and develop a thankful and willing attitude at work. Which I think I have done a great job at. I committed to praying about my work future and seeking wise counsel. I wanted to be strategic, and cause the least amount of transition to the wonderful families and people I work with.

Last fall I taught ONE CREDIT at Grace University in the Graduate Counseling Department. It was a great experience. I kept praying about this-- thinking that it felt good in my soul-- strong, if you will. I started applying for adjunct positions this spring (for the fall), then stopped when I found out I was pregnant. Who wants to hire a pregnant adjunct? Then a great opportunity came up this spring when Nebraska Christian College approached me to teach half-time in the Family Life and Counseling department. My mentor and friend is leaving, and his open office left an open space for me. I have been interviewing and negotiating. I signed the papers last Friday. It will be two days a week, 2 classes a semester. My hours are 9:00-4:30. No nights. No on-call. They are willing to work around my "family schedule". I start in August, and I am THRILLED.

I met up with said mentor for a two hour meeting Thursday. He was super honest about the challenges of teaching and the BIG job I have ahead of me regarding curriculum and balancing this new job with the challenges of balancing a newborn. Well said, good friend.

To say I am relieved is an understatement. The past two years have been full of depression and self-doubt and struggle-- and mono, weight gain, and a horrible blow to my self-esteem. I am praying that working within the way God has wired me up (a weaver and teacher via the Strong Life Test) will relieve some of this. At the same time, going through this season of life has kept me humbled and on my knees-- to say the least. I hope my work is never so "good" that I'm not forced to my knees.

Finally, big thanks to Marcus Buckingham for showing me that I don't have to fight against my strengths and can instead find ways to work within them. He hits the nail on the head that most women spend so much energy trying to prove to ourselves and others that we can overcome our weaknesses (i.e. like working alone in a private practice) instead of working within our strengths. If that sounds like something you need to learn more about you should check out his book "Find your Strongest Life," but be warned-- it's not a light read.

Here's to new beginnings.

On the journey,
Stef

Allergy Testing

2011-05-12T10:38:00.000-05:00

I am sure that my faithful three readers are thrilled to see a new post-- and about the very exciting world of allergy testing to boot :) God Love you. We did have an experience this week that I thought was worth writing about.

First, you should know that I have terrible allergies. My neighbor in McCook used to call me "the kid with all the allergies." As a young child, I would repeatedly get sick-- just over and over again. In fact, at this time in my life I once heard my (very calm but at the time frustrated) mom use the term "dumb doctor"-- probably on the phone explaining to a girlfriend that they couldn't stop the infections from re-occurring. So they did several types of tests and my mom explains that it was somewhat scary not knowing the problem. I can only imagine myself in her shoes-- heaven help my anxiety and please Lord stop my fingers from typing childhood cancer into Google one more time. Anyway, she took me to another doctor at some point, where I repeated the phrase "that dumb doctor better not say its just an infection" on the table, in front of the doctor.

Blah Blah, finally they did some allergy testing and low and behold, I was allergic to everything non-food. Almost every environmental allergy, all indoor allergies, cats, other farm animals, dust, dirt-- seriously I'd have to live in a bubble to avoid them. So, in the 2nd grade, I had my first allergy surgery where they went in through my gums (like my mouth) and put a "window" in my sinus to help drain things. Years later we discovered this surgery was highly unsuccessful. I did allergy shots into adulthood, nose sprays, another procedure, and eventually learned to be as proactive as possible-- and to live with it. That's why last summer's bout with mono was so weird-- my doctor and I kept thinking it was allergies. Though I am not the expert, nor do I order the testing-- thank you very much. #youmissedthediagnoises

So Dekker has a history of MSPI, dry skin patches, and re-occurring ear infections-- all signs of allergies. We're not sure if he had mono last summer too, or not-- but he has been sick a lot. This April at his 2 year appointment our family doctor was concerned that he was "only mouth breathing" and stated that he does have almost constant upper respiratory distress. He sounds like a cat when he breaths. So she started him on Zyrtec and suggested allergy testing. I put it off, and several weeks of Zyrtec later he wasn't any better. I called and asked if there was anything else they could do for him. The doctor added a nose spray and a curt reminder that I had not followed her order yet to get testing. So I made an appointment with the allergist.

I was skeptical. To say the least. My sweet friend Suzanne, a PA, explained to me the benefits with a general "Why not?" attitude, coupled with "You're going to meet your massive deductible anyway..." and I decided to be compliant with my doctor. This also started my rants involving statements like, "I already know he has allergies. To know grass vs dust does not help me?" And, "Seriously, who does NOT have allergies?"

Monday Dave and I took him in. Do I have the best husband or what? They did a thorough history. This is the best Dekker has been in a long while, and since we started the nose spray he had been miraculously better. They wrote numbers up his back, pricked over the number with environmental allergies, indoor allergies, and some food allergies. We were instructed to walk the halls for 15 minutes and distract him. This was no problem and in 15 minutes that kid was as happy as a shirtless toddler at the water-fountain.

He had no allergies.

Nope, not one. What the Heck? Why all the illness? The sweet doctor explained that he has reflux. "REFLUX?" No spit up here, ~~lady~~ doctor. I mean he spit up a lot as a baby, but not now. She went on to educate me about toddler reflux and how the main concern is inflammation. This creates an environment for common colds to get out of hand and become infections. Apparently, ear infections are also very common with reflux, and it is almost always worse at night. And guess what the best treatment for the reflux is? The nose spray. It is an anti-inflammatory. No wonder he has been doing so well. This is not a rare diagnosis, but it's not overly common, either. In the end, his bump-less back was "good news."

All in all, I want a happy healthy kid. So I am SO glad we did the testing. No more Zyrtec. No need to keep giving him medicine he won't need. And hopefully the nose spray will help keep his colds manageable, which means less antibiotics, which I am thrilled about. To see his totally clear back was somewhat humbling, but I have decided there is nothing embarrassing about trying to be a good mom, even if I did misdiagnose him in the form of my rants all month. After all, I am not a doctor. And my doctor missed the boat on this one, too. #youmissedthediagnosisagain. Though to her credit, she sent me for the testing because this isn't her specialty, either.

So there you have it. We had stopped the nose spray 36 hrs before the appt and I was giving it to him in the parking lot!! We had a great experience at Midwest Asthma and Allergy, and we hope to never go back there :) And even though I personally can not even fathom a life without allergies, I'm so glad my son will get to!

On the journey,
Mae

Quick 5

2011-04-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Well I'm kinda sad that all my posts are called Quick 5. I need to do a better job of getting to this blog, especially because I love it.

On any account, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond today. As I've said before I could fill up a cart there in a nanosecond and frankly I really have to watch myself. Because suddenly I think that I need everything in sight-- like a fancy coffee maker (really might need one of those!), hamburger patty maker, dog bed, colorful tote, clearance pillow-- or anything off their impressive "As Seen On TV" wall. Take me now, I need a list and a budget before I go there. Thankfully, shopping with a 2 year old puts the brakes on things fairly quickly as he doesn't really offer a lot of time to lolly-gag around the store. When we run errands he typically entertains himself with the cart seat-belt, which he likes to try and put together but can't quite get yet ("don't pinch yourself...."). Today he entertained himself by saying "hi" to every.single.person and by singing to himself. The combo was DELIGHTFUL and absolutely adorable. After a morning of whining and crying and getting into everything, I was thankful for a happy, contained boy.

Here is what I bought--
1. A new non stick pan. Simply Calphon Nonstick pan. David hates ours, and I equally do-- and he has asked me several times to get a new one. This one is hand wash only. Did you know all non-stick is suppose to be washed in "non citrus" soap-- so no lemon scent, flowery scent, etc. I asked for help and the little gal pointed me in the direction of several, and I chose this one based on price and quality-- it feels perfectly "middle ground" to me. Planned purchase. With a coupon.

2. Salad Spinner. I went with the OXO brand because I think they own half of BB&B. Anyway, I feel like my salad has tasted "dirty" lately, so this was on my list even though I had no idea it was $30! I got our first one as a gift (and I loved it) and I think Dekker broke it as a baby because who wouldn't love a glorified "top" in the kitchen cabinet. My mother in law recently discovered some fantastic salad dressing plus my subscription to e-mealz has me eating more salads--- I forgot where I was going with that. Planned purchase. With a coupon.

But my son was just being so well behaved and I was roaming the aisles. I was out of coupons, and I think purchasing anything there without one is against the law, but nay, there I wondered.

3. Dish Drying Mat. Even as I look that link up I am thinking, "What? It's for dedicates?" Well, I bought it because it looks super absorbent and I'm going to need that with my hand-washing non-stick, you know.

4. Non-stick grilling basket. Don't even ask and it was $6. But I have high hopes that I can grill up all those veggies I plan to buy at the Farmers Market this summer. Of course, that would mean that I plan ahead to get up and go to the Farmers Market, but you know.

5. Earthstone Grill Stone. "Common Dekker, we need to go. Mommy's out of money."

I mentioned my e-mealz subscription and all I can say is that I'm not ready to say anything yet. We have tried a few recipes and have found the ingredients to be flexible, so I'm still giving it at least a moderate thumbs up at this time. I loved having my grocery list printed for me and categorized!

I have been loving this weather and walking quite a bit. So thankful for the warm sun, a sweet and healthy boy, a flexible job to be at home with him, a hard working hubby that makes it happen. We are counting our blessings, for sure.

On the journey,
Stef

Quick 5

2011-04-04T14:44:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness I do not know where my time goes but it has not involved this blog for too long. For some reason, when I get behind enough, I just kinda shrug like "Where do I start?" and then I don't start at all. blah blah yada yada yada.

So I will add a few "quick" updates as they come to my mind:
1. Dekker turns 2 this Thursday. I can not have a birthday of his without remembering the day my water broke in CPR class and we met him for the first time. Or the way I bossed the nurses around demanding a grilled cheese sandwich, and the way my husband looked as he was transformed into a Dad. God has been so.good.to.us.
2. We had a crazy weekend with a fun party at the indoor play area at our church and my folks stayed Saturday night. Dekker got lots of great toys, like a lawn mower, trike, wagon, tool bench and basketball hoop. He also got some great new books and some clothes and probably other things I'm forgetting but am grateful for. He has lots of words now like: eye, elbow, Mom, MOM, Hi, Dad, GraPa, Nana, Josie, No, NO, pew-y, please, more, and the list goes on. He is so big.
3. Admist all my love for him, we had a stay at home day today. I purposefully planned nothing for today knowing we'd be recovering from the weekend. I was thrilled it was so windy when I woke up, because that gives me a great excuse to play inside all day. Except that by 10AM I'm clutching the Lego's bag half insane claiming "No, we are not going to dump these out again Dekker" and trying to forget my problems with Kathie Lee and Hoda. I think my mental health might have done better with a walk and break at the park!
4. I downloaded my first "E-Mealz" shopping list and menu today. I got a $2/month special off one of the thousand on-line daily coupon sites (which I love) called moolala.com. So I spent $12 for 6 months and then had a limited selection of menus to chose from. I wanted to do the Weight Watchers menu but it wasn't available with the special so I did the low-fat instead. This week's menu does look good. It even has side dishes. My list took approximately 5 minutes to print out, modify and add some of our staples to. I'm headed to the store when Dekker gets up. No real feedback yet-- I'll see how the shopping, recipes, portions, etc turn out before I get too excited. E-Mealz has limitations for sure, but I'm as excited as I have been in awhile about menu planning and grocery shopping.
5. My bestie Beth and I had a wonderful long weekend in Des Moines. We saw the movie Lincoln Lawyer, which was suspenseful and fun. We shopped World Market and the beautiful Jordan Creek mall. We ate at lots of fun restaurants not in Omaha. And we did a 1/2 day at a spa staffed by students. It was quite the experience! They were late getting started but the massage and facial were pretty good. The mani/pedi was rushed and, frankly, horrible and the scalp massage/hair wash/blow-dry didn't happen because we were so far behind the gun due to the late start. I wrote an email that night to the "spa" and I have been playing phone tag with the staff to see who to send it to. Basically, though it was still a great experience and seriously gave us enough material to laugh about for years.
I am forgetting so much! But for now I am going to spend the last 15 minutes of this nap time picking up around here!
On the Journey,
Stef

It's the Pits

2011-03-05T15:01:00.001-06:00

Gather round ladies... let's have virtual coffee and chat about something I absolutely hate talking about. I feel the best thing for me to do is blog about it because there is nothing more private than the world wide web. Right?!?

Well, there have always been certain things I wanted to do and certain things Dave wanted to do. Dave had always wanted Lasik Eye Surgery, which he got in December 2009. He loves it, by the way. He believes it was the freakiest thing to have ever happen to his body, but everyday he loves it. He got that done and encouraged me to cross something off my "bucket list." It seemed like a good idea. I was working, and we don't budget my paychecks, we were inbetween kids and even sleeping at night. In general, life has been in a pretty nice holding pattern for the last year or so.

So, I took him up on it. I got laser hair removal.

I took a referral from a friend for a "med-spa" in West Omaha (by the swanky eye doctor, by the way). I had always wanted my underarms done. Not because I hate shaving them, but because my dark hair shows up under my light skin, even after I shave. It has always been something that I am terribly embarrassed about-- as in every summer, softball season, basketball season, prom dress and wedding day. Every time I put my hair in a pony tail and wore short sleeves. You may not realize how often people actually see your pits, but trust me. I remember on my wedding day, my photographer encouraging me to put my arm around Dave's neck when I sat on his knee. No way. Look through every picture of me you have and I can almost promise my arms are down.

So the particular med-spa I went to had a special: Pay for all 6 underarm treatments up front, and get 6 bikini treatments free. Heck yes. Another "trouble area" with this black hair and light skin-- sign me up. So I wanted to give you all a few thoughts about this process, now that it is over. I had my last treatment just after our cruise.

* Surprisingly to me, the goal of laser hair removal is not total removal. It is 85% reduction.
* Success completely depends on zapping the hair during the right phase of hair growth. So it is a guessing game to some extent. This is why you need to wait 4-6 weeks in-between treatments for best results. If you get laser hair removal yourself, I encourage you to do your own research and make sure that your spa is timing the treatments correctly. I saw a lot of spas doing 6 treatments in 6 weeks. Bummer for those people.
* Once the hair is zapped in the right hair growth phase, it is gone forever.
* The darker the hair and lighter the skin the better candidate you are. This made me an excellent candidate. If you have a lot of blond hairs that you can't see until the sun hits them, you are not a good candidate. (And I don't feel one ounce sorry for you :)
* The "med spa" world has a lot of turn over in it's clinicians. I only chose a spa where the laser technologists were Physician Assistants or Nurse Practitioners-- Master's Level medical professionals. I take this seriously, even if it costs a little more.
* The med-spa clientele is somewhat "needy." They are often cash paying for elective procedures. I might have fallen into this category, as I insisted that I only would come on a Tues/Thurs at 10AM. Lol. I was not going to line up extra daycare for this, miss a client, miss a nap time. I was insistent and not afraid to remind them how much I was paying per treatment. As a result of this somewhat entitled clientele, there is high turnover in the med spa world. For those Master Level technicians, they are working odd hours, evenings, and weekends taking care of "needy" and demanding clients. They are paid per treatment on a "commission" basis. Can't say I blame them. Or me.
* Even still, each of the three clinicians I saw (only one actually quit to take a job in a family care clinic), each had years of experience and assured me that the training was rigorous. "I take a laser to people's faces, " one of them told me. She said they have a high rate of liability and must do it right each time.
* It hurts like ~~hell~~ heck.
* It is a weird hurt that is over the minute the treatment is done. By the time you are dressed, you've forgotten. There is little they can do to help with the hurt, save an ice-pack on the area before the laser hits it. Still, I often had to ask them to stop so I could catch my breath-- which they completely understood.
* I never cried. My technicians said most women don't, but that men do. She believed they had a lower pain tolerance, and also were generally getting large areas like their back done. I would cry for sure if my area was that big. Some areas are more painful than others due to skin sensitivity as well as underlying bones and nerves, and to no surprise the bikini is one of the most painful (yet small).
* The most common area for women is the face-- upper lip, sideburns, eyebrows, etc. However, this is also the area with the worst overall results (though they are still showing significant reduction) due to the fact that a lot of that hair growth is driven by hormones.
* If this works, and I have the time and budget, I'd love to get my lower legs done (from over the knee to the toes). Though apparently the shin bone and ankles are very painful. And that is a much larger area. It's not that I don't like shaving, it's that I could shave everyday and still look like I need to.
* I say "If" this works, because I had this done once before about 11 years ago. Granted, the lasers and research weren't what they are now, and I only had 3 treatments and I don't know how long in-between-- so I am skeptical. However, I have been very pleased with the results.
* I loved the cruise that much more because of these treatments. Particularly my bikini line, but I also loved not being self conscious in my short-sleeved shirts.

I can't wait for spring. I love my ~~jogging~~ walking stroller. I have several walk routes with parks on them and I'm looking forward to spending the mornings getting moving and sharing some time with Dekker. I also love my in-laws gorgeous country club pool, and am thrilled Dekker will finally be old enough to "get" water parks, sprinkler parks and pools. Bring it. I'm thrilled to wear tank tops and say good-bye to the "Farmers Tan" I've sported for the last 28 summers!

I would give a high referral thus far to Sage Spa here in Omaha. If this is something you are considering I hope you'll talk to me.

On the journey,
Stef

Quick 5 (Status Updates that never made it to facebook this week)

2011-03-04T09:58:00.000-06:00

1. Stefanie Rowe...is trying not to count how many times I've huffed Afrin this week. It's addictive you know. But it works sooo well on this cold/allergies/misery. (Monday)
2. Stefanie Rowe... has a big break in her day and instead of spending it on paperwork, ran home and took a short nap. So not feeling well. (Tuesday)
3. Stefanie Rowe... Took Dekker to HyVee. Glad I did because those breathing treatments weren't going to help with the double ear infection. (Wednesday)
4. Stefanie Rowe... just ran into Bag N Save to grab lip hair tweezers, face lotion and lip gloss before returning to work. A little powder and I can face the public again.. (Thursday)
5. Stefanie Rowe... praying said purchase at Bag N Save stays 'pending' in the bank account until the paycheck comes through at mid-night. Yikes and Dang it. (Thursday).

And a bonus:
6. Stefanie Rowe... considering the effects of Lanolin on my "Rudolph" nose. Thanks, @ Becky Sallinger for the idea. (Friday)

In all honesty, it was a rough start to this week. On Wednesday Dekker was just a mess and I was, too. I ran him into HyVee after he took a 50 min nap and woke up coughing so hard he was sobbing. I felt so lousy that I wanted to sob, too. The APRN was very nice and patient and diagnosed a double ear infection, which made me feel better in a weird sort of way. Two doses of medicine and he was a new man. I had a busy week in my clinic with rare morning appointments, which created some "gaps" in my day. I usually get all my files up to date when this happens but just couldn't this week. Bummer. Looking ahead I'll have some time next week. Here's to up-to-date paper files by this time next week.

Finally, I think everyone should check out my friend Beth's blog this week.

On the journey,
Stef

Quick 5

2011-02-28T14:04:00.000-06:00

A day late and a dollar short but, you know, hang with me. My friend Jenny says she shouldn't blog as a courtesy to Jesus and others when she's in a foul mood, and I might need to take her advice today. So we'll just see how far we get here, k.

1. I am in a foul mood today. I absolutely woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Heaven help me (and Dekker and Josie and Dave). I am so frustrated with absolutely every.single.thing. Not to mention the fact that we have a house-full of toys and Dekker wants to play with the plunger, curtains, dog food and my water bottle.
2. The sweet boy is sick and I feel like I'm getting whatever he has. Which seems to be basically nothing but a stuffy nose. We're doing breathing treatments and nose suctioning, yadadada, but he is crabby-- which creates the perfect storm if you get my drift. He's currently avoiding his afternoon nap as I type.
3. I had a great weekend with my mom and dad in Aurora while Dave worked on the basement. It's great to see them, and they make packing/traveling so worth it. They spoil us both, and it's fun to see how gaga they are over every thing Dekker does.
4. I watched the Oscars with some great friends last night. Not one to see a lot of current movies in the last year (common Netflix streaming-- catch up!) I was a bit lost, but it was really fun and by far the latest I've stayed up in a home other than mine in a long while. I felt like a 20-something for a few hours there. Maybe the lack o sleep has something to do with #1.
5. I'm considering joining Jazzercise. Mostly because I love the class times at the location by my house, which has childcare for $1. My ever tight pants also contribute to #1 :).

Welp, on that happy note, have a good Monday everybody.

On the journey,
Stef

Quick 5

2011-02-18T14:28:00.001-06:00

How is it Friday again?!? I'm not feeling very witty today but did want to let you all know the alcohol (see last week's post) is untouched and still on the counter. My friend Beth came by and asked when the frat party is!?! Hahaha.

Quick Five:
1. Dekker and I had a busy week and just loved it. We went on lots of walks, spent some time with our friend Suzanne and her baby girl Campbell, had a play-date with my friend Amy and her son Eli, and just today went to the community center for "Toddler Play Time" then out to lunch with some super sweet people including Jenny, Max, Katie and Quinn. It's been fun to get out of the house and eat up this weather.
2. I have been busy at work which is just great. It's been fun to have a full schedule and stay busy at the office. The paycheck is rewarding, too :) The paperwork is not so rewarding, but I'm trying really hard to only do it on my days at the office and not let it eat up every nap time and evening at home, too. This week I also shared at Wildwood Christian Church's Wednesday night adult program, which got me thinking about #5 below.
3. Don't forget to check out my hubby's new photo blog. I think it's pretty cool: http://photos.roweware.com/
4. Our cleaning lady, Mary, was out of town. She came back this week and can I just say that I forgot how much I missed her. It was terrific to have an entirely clean house-- it was nice out and I opened the blinds and it even smelled clean. She comes once a month, and I was a little embarrassed with the state of our house, but I quit caring pretty quick. Say whatever you want about me working two days a week and having a cleaning lady. I love having my days at home with Dekker and my weekends as a family. And, now I sound defensive, but I do clean plenty in-between Mary's visits-- we have a dog, host small group, etc etc.
5. We're preparing for another Stonebridge Pre-Marriage Retreat. This year, I got trained in the PREPARE/ENRICH assessment and this is the first time we will be using it. It has been some extra work and I'll be interested to see if in the end we find it worth the time and money. I know many churches have used this, and it is very interesting and research based, and I'm praying that it combined with the retreat will be good. I've also been dreaming about an "Adopt a Newlywed" program for the couples married at our church. Wouldn't that be a fun way to mentor another couple-- maybe meet for a meal once a month for the first year??? If you want to adopt a couple you should tell me!

Here's to another great weekend and fulfilling week.
On the journey,
Stef

Quick 5

2011-02-11T14:43:00.000-06:00

See, here we go. A week has flown by, so I'm thankful for Tori's Quick 5 today and a reminder to do mine!

1. We bought lots of alcohol on the cruise. I mean, not lots and lots, but some Rum and wine. And since we drink alcohol at a rate that the rum will still be here for our 10 year anniversary, I'm not sure what to do with it. There's really no place to store it for 5 years, and I don't want it anywhere where Dekker can "play" with it. So right now its on the counter which is exceptionally classy. We hid it for small group :) hahaha. Like they care.

2. Last Saturday night we took Dekker to the indoor play ground at Mahoney with our friends Jenny and Kirk and Max. It was a fun family night. It was neat to see Dekker play with other kids and enjoy himself, and to see him run and run until he broke a sweat. I know he hates being cooped up all winter like we all do. I still get surprised to see him "get it." It's hard for me to believe how big he is getting!

3. Every week I write a few goals down on a sticky note and put it on my calendar. Normal things like groceries and laundry don't get on the list-- it's the "other" stuff. This week I had a goal to clean out my mail basket, pick up some stuff at Hobby Lobby, call a friend and get coffee everyday. Hold your tongue on that last one. I know its expensive. And even sugar free, fat free adds up. But having pathetic goals including massive amounts of coffee was the only way I knew how to adjust back from vacation. And.... now it's Friday and I still have that mail basket left :)

4. This is a quilt square. When my Grandma Soden passed away each of her kids got a few quilt squares. So this one was passed on to me by my dad. I had it framed and I find it... beautiful. I doesn't have straight edges and I chose to have the mat behind it to show off the piece more-- and I think it turned out super. My grandma was an incredible cook, so I hung this in my kitchen with purpose. I already love looking at it, and remembering her sweet spirit. She was an incredible woman of faith-- a real encourager. Missing her today

5. I have been glued to CNN throughout the Egypt crisis and find today to be an incredible day! Also, I have been getting my contacts in and out with minimal break-downs. Okay, that's all for today.

On the journey,
Mae

Quick 5

2011-02-04T16:36:00.000-06:00

I'm taking a cue from my friend, Tori, who recently started doing a "quick 5" on Fridays. Just five quick things... kinda like an update. I so enjoy reading them that I am going to give it a try today, and see if it sticks.
1. We just got home from a cruise to the Western Caribbean. It was absolutely gorgeous, fantastic weather, and I am certain what I will need every winter I can possibly afford it. I like cruises for several reasons, and I hope to share more of a "review and tips" in the future. I'd love to do a Southern Caribbean cruise someday. This one was technically to celebrate our 5 year anniversary, which we did in June 2010.
2. I can't believe how much I missed Dekker. What a sweetie. Though I also love hearing all the funny stories of his time with his Nana and Grandpa Soden and Grandma and Grandpa Rowe. We love sharing our joy with them, and I love that Dekker finds it totally normal to spend time with them-- even without us. I used to dread coming home from vacation, but he made it something I looked forward to.
3. I need a Weight Watcher meeting and a money tree after said vacation. Whoa.
4. Dekker is learning sign-language. Our daycare friend started him on it, and since then he has picked up on it really quickly. It's pretty fun and cute, though he wants "more" of almost every-single-thing.
5. I have been drinking the Arbonne chocolate protein shakes for breakfast with a little natural peanut butter and I think they are fantastic and I can't say enough how they actually keep me FULL through lunch. So much better than some cereals (which I love) that leave me hungry and snacking by 10AM. I need some good lunch inspiration. Anyone got a good idea out there?
Happy Friday!
On the journey,
Mae

Hello to Vision

2011-01-14T14:02:00.000-06:00

For some reason I am certain that the four of you who read this just really want to know about my vision issues. Really, you do, don't you. You like to hear about my glasses and sunglasses, and... get ready... my contacts!

A brief review: I have worn glasses almost my entire life. Like since 4th grade I have had a pair of glasses laying around that I would maybe put on when I went to sit at a computer or out to a movie. Months would go by and I wouldn't wear them. In college, I wore them more when I sat down at a computer or textbook for an extended period of time, more because I thought I should. Then, like almost everything else in my life, this changed when I had Dekker. I am telling you that I spent the first 6 months of his life squinting. After much prodding, especially from my Mom, I went to the eye doctor and sure enough, I am one of the many who have a dramatic eye change after pregnancy and here is my new prescription. I hauled everyone I know to Target and finally bought a pair of glasses. And later a pair of prescription sunglasses. And since then I can not take them off. I am... addicted. Turns out good vision is a necessity. I have a cute pair of thick rimmed glasses that are a style statement and help me see. Here I am in them in Vegas.

Well, anyway, they are always falling off my face. And they slip even more in the summer if I sweat and there is no going about working out in them. And they are always dirty. After this holiday season, when I was uploading 100's of photos to facebook, I noticed that in almost every picture they were half off my face. At least, that's how I see it. Like this...

So I decide that it's time I either get new, better "everyday glasses" or contacts.
Then, after changing my profile picture to this random one...

... and getting tons of compliments I was CERTAIN that what everyone must have liked was me, sans the glasses :) My mind is corrupt, people. So after 14 hours on the phone with BCBS of Michigan and then VSP, my eye insurance people... I finally got an appt at a swanky West Omaha clinic, who happens to be close to my babysitter, on the way to work, and in-network.

The eye doctor was about my age and was reliving his college swimming and football days, then made a face I couldn't quite read when I told him my last check-up was at Sams Club. Yes, pal, I am not in the market for the Gucci glasses out there, sorry. I'm more of a Target gal on a Wal-Mart budget, if you get my drift.

Well, on and on and on and 45 minutes later I have my new prescription, have watched the demo video, and after 6 tries ("boy, you have a strong blink reflex") he has the contacts in my eye. Then I go to the "contact area" to learn from a ~~qualified tech~~ receptionist how to take them out and put them in.

First, the little contact learning area is in the middle of everyone. Second, I have an aversion to things in my eye. This is why Dave gave me the sudden look of shock when he asked what my schedule looked like for the day. With over 25 rounds of pink eye (thanks again, Mono) in the last year you would think I would be good at eye-drops. Nay, Dave has to put them in every time, four times a day. Another perk of working from home. Because I'm sure this is what Dave had in mind when he signed on to work from home.

So let's just say I was at the little contact area for awhile-- like nearly, oh, I'm not sure, an HOUR. I, for the life of me, could not not blink when my fingers came plunging at my EYE. My eye, people. I only have two! Excuse me, you want me to squeeze that thing off my eyeBALL? Several people had walked by and casually asked "how's it going?" I didn't respond and the ~~tech~~ receptionist said nice things like, "coming along." I didn't see if she was rolling her eyes because I was too busy trying to take something out of my eye, without seeing my finger about to poke out my eye, without blinking. Mercy.

At one point I got so nervous I started making jokes. "It's a hot mess, that's how it's going." or another, "It's a train wreck over here-- look away." I was saying positive statements to myself like, "You've breastfed a baby, surely you can do this!" I'm not sure their Gucci loving, Coach carrying crowd was ready for me. At one point, the contacts were STILL in, and I had an appointment in my office in like 30 minutes. So I sincerely asked if I could just leave and figure it out with my contact-knowledgeable husband at home. The lady informed me this is against the law. So I just bucked up and may or may not have rubbed my left eye really hard to get it out. Then somehow got them back in and ran out of there. But only before my Health Savings Acct card was rejected. (I just remembered I need to call them.)

All day at work I was sure they were falling out. And I was panicked about how to get them out at home. But nevertheless, I got them out-- with an audience (Dave)-- who was actually very supportive. At one point he told me I can't hurt my eye and apparently that's what it took.

Are they in today? No. Maybe they are "work" contacts. I'm still not sure, but suddenly I feel like I need to call the bank.

On the journey,
Mae

Thankfulness

2011-01-08T14:24:00.000-06:00

I am sitting here uploading photos to facebook and shutterfly and onto my computer and my heart is overflowing with thanks. When I think back to 2010, my first thought is that it was a really difficult year, namely due to several infections and a long bout with mono. And a job change that has been very demanding and difficult. But what a shame to focus just on this, and miss all the wonderfulness that 2010 brought...

... like my baby turning one.
... our five year wedding anniversary.
... several fantastic nights of sleep and a little boy who is a champion sleeper.
... a commitment to bootcamp and feeling stronger.
... great friends and an awesome family.
... Monday Night dinners

... and so many more things. I will do a better job at counting my blessings this year. I have a friend who does this and it is so inspiring.

On the journey,
Mae

Eleven Goals for 2011

2011-01-04T13:58:00.000-06:00

I know many people who are "against" New Years Resolutions. I'm not one of them, specifically. I see a resolution as starting something new that you aren't currently doing. I see a goal as continuing to do something that you may or may not already be doing. I believe in goals. All the time. Long term and short term. In fact, almost every week I make a list of short term goals.

Here is my list for this week:
* Call insurance to clarify eye and dental benefits
* Make eye appt
* Make dentist appt
* Frame quilt square
* Pay bills.

I never assign my weekly goals a day of the week. Some days I have more time than others, sometimes I get surprised with a little extra time, and some weeks everything happens after bedtime :) If something doesn't happen in a given week, I carry it over.

So I love new years. It's simply a chance to set some long-term goals. Sadly, in the purging of my office, I might have lost 2010's goals. But I remember purging the office was on the top of that list-- so job well done. So was decorating the hearth room, and PTL that is not on my list this year for the first time since we moved here.

Eleven Goals for 2011:
1. Completely finish the office remodel. Paint, floor, floorboards, hallway, desks.
2, Repaint two walls in Master bedroom and decorate. ("Hello, Kim Hazlip, it's Stef")
3. Make a few necessary changes to my work.
4. Take two outrageous risks. (like maybe... Apply for the Dr. Phil show, run a 1/2 marathon, call Bo Pelini's wife for an interview which will somehow make me famous and save her husband's reputation... ...)
5. Go to the zoo and Children's museum.
6. Take a vacation with just Dave.
7. Think about expanding our family.
8. Eat out less.
9. Think about inner beauty as much as I think about physical appearance.
10. Stay active.
11. Blog more.

What are your 2011 goals?

Happy New Year,
Stef

Mid-day Strong Life thoughts

2010-12-08T14:32:00.000-06:00

Let's start out with a great big PTL (Praise the Lord) for nap time. I love this sweet boy and I equally love the few hours of peace and quiet I get every afternoon. Sometimes I run errands, sometimes I clean, sometimes I nap myself, sometimes I do relaxing things like blogging, and I usually do a combo of those things. And please know my husband works from home. I'm not putting Dekker down and running to Target while he's alone in his crib. I promise.

Well I am nearly obsessed with living my strongest life. Aannndd apparently I'm not alone. There is an entire culture out there of people doing the same thing and I know this because they featured this blog!! How cool is that!?! I'm trying to act like I've been there before, but I just can't shake my giddiness.

Anyway, in his book Marcus encourages us to "sweat the small stuff" as we search for "strong moments". It's only by "catching and cradling" our strong moments, and looking into the details of them, that we can better identify them, learn about ourselves from them, and consider how that impacts our success-- in my case finding a job or rearranging my job so that it is more fulfilling and less draining.

Please note that the definition of a strong moment (and/or life) is this: Not what you do, but how you feel. And you are searching for moments that help you feel effective and capable, hopeful, excited, joyful (a genuine "looking forward to tomorrow"), a sense of growth and focus ("time just flew by"), and knowing that your needs are being fulfilled. Well, that's kinda several chapters into two small paragraphs but seriously, just by the book by Marcus Buckingham.

ANYWAY... I've been trying to think of strong moments in my life. I took the Strong Life Test and my results came back as a "Weaver" and a "Teacher." What are your results? (Seriously, go take the test and post your results-- I'm super curious.) Taking the test did help me narrow my thoughts and frankly, I think the test was spot on even though it very much surprised me. The weaver is someone who likes to connect people and loves a web of relationships. Well, this has me thinking. I do love to connect people. Like-- oh, you're traveling to Tampa where my cousin lives-- here, let me suggest a friend on facebook. Or-- I know someone you should go on a date with. (I seriously have long considered my gift of matchmaking a spiritual gift.) So this fits me. And it is part of what I love about counseling (I think... ...).

But as I have "sweated the small stuff" and tried to really think about things that I love doing, things that don't feel like work, things that energize me, I am certain that it is in the weaver-like things in me. My sister-in-law Becky once told me I was a great "researcher." She said to me, "I knew you were the right person to ask." She was looking for something for her daughter, Ryleigh, who was in Kindergarten and is also diabetic. I found an adorable little watch with a vibrating function which would remind her to tell her teacher she needed her blood tested. Because the school nurse had 150 students to look after, you know. (Don't even get me started!) I looked and looked for that little watch. It didn't feel like work, and I didn't mind the time I put into doing it. I love this stuff! That's a strong moment, right? That's weaver-ish, right? PTL. I need a beer.

Dear Marcus,
Are you reading this blog??? Can I be a weaver and connect people to people, but also to information, products, books, etc. Can I make a living doing that? Where?? Anyone? Anyone?
Thanks, Stef

My secondary function was a teacher. And, again, I know that is part of what drew me into the world of counseling and also why I loved the one credit I taught at Grace University this fall. I intend to apply for some adjunct positions. Teaching was a good fit for public speaking, another gift I love and feel energized doing. Another love? Writing. Did you know my first declared major at UNL was Journalism? I was on staff with the Daily Nebraskan for about a month and even had a few stories published. But I hated the "beat." I wanted to do feature stories. Overwhelmed, I quit. Those people slept under their desks. Weird.

I am so overwhelmed by living my strongest life. I'd like to say "forget IT!" and throw in the towel but that would be hurting only myself. Like I said above, if even a few adjustments to my current job would help-- what's to lose? Maybe I do need to consider a new job, too.

In other news, the electrical inspector just came by and presto-- Dave passed! So thrilled for him. Another inspection for framing tomorrow and he might get to start insulation and drywall on the new office in the basement. Soon he'll be able to work without wearing his winter coat... like he may or may not be doing today. :)

On the (strong) journey,
Stef

Random Ramblings

2010-12-06T21:42:00.000-06:00

I have been away from this blog for so long now that I don't know how to get back. It's like when you haven't talked to a good friend for awhile and resist calling her because you don't have four days to catch up. But then my cousin Tisha sent me a sweet text asking about the ol blog, and my friend Kara offered a comment asking about it tonight, and my friend who answered the phone at NCC today mentioned it, and my friend Sara loves reading this and is literally waiting day-by-day for her baby boy to arrive. Sara, if I can help the wait in any way, I will! So to you four and the other three who read this, here is a little update.

I have high-hopes for some regular posting here soon-- maybe even a little look back over some events the last several months.

For now we'll go with my fav style, the very complicated "bullet" look:

* I am having a crisis of career. I work Tues/Thurs at a private counseling office as an independent contractor. I don't talk about work on this blog hardly ever, and that is a conscious and ethical decision on my part. But for the record let me say that I do love my job, but the hours are getting really hard. I work with a lot of kids and families (which I love, love, love), which means a lot of after school and evening appointments. Most days when I drop Dekker off at daycare at 9:30AM my parting words are "see you tomorrow, honey." That's because Dave picks him up from daycare in the evening and he is in bed when I get home at 8PM or later. During the day I do see clients here and there and I try to stay very current on my paperwork. Sometimes I have a little extra time and I take Dekker in late after we play for awhile. Anyway, it's hard. I once heard someone say that a person spends their 20's searching out what they want to do and enjoys their 30's doing it. Well crap, I just turned 29 and it's not looking so hot folks. Then again, 30 is the new 20. So maybe in my 40's I'll have this figured out.

* My crisis of career can largely be blamed on this years Women of Faith conference and Marcus Buckingham's book "Find your strongest life." I highly recommend you read this book. It is totally worth the $12. But don't read it late into the night. Or you might-- just might-- stay up all night worrying about not finding your strongest life and stifling back tears. Trust me, it's a long and lonely night.

* I have a few fun Saturday nights planned. This Saturday night my bestie Beth and I are going to Nebraska Christian College's Colors of Christmas program. Should be fun. The following Saturday I am going to "Roommate Reunion" with Beth, Kara and Natalie. These are the girls I lived in "Big Blue" with in Lincoln-- truly the "glory days" of college. Can't wait to get together with them. How God arranged our schedules so that Kara from Utica, Natalie from Holdrege, Beth from Omaha who manages retail (and it's the holiday season!!) and myself could all be available and in Lincoln together is beyond me but amazing. I think God knows what he's doing and I need this. Thanks, Dave, for parenting alone two Saturday nights in a row. I am so blessed by you.

* I had more bloodwork done before Thanksgiving. Turns out mono takes awhile to get over :) I knew this, but didn't fully understand what it means in the real life. I feel much better, but my immune system is shot so I constantly feel like I have a cold and feel run down, tired, etc. And I am battling pink eye round 412 as I type. This does not help the career crisis mentioned above. Actually, I think the career crisis might be part to blame for a low grade depression, feeling worn out and frazzled, etc which can lead to medical issues such as mono. Or at least Marcus thinks so.

* I finished up an incredible Bible study a few Sunday's ago. We tackled the sin of an undisciplined thought life and examined how our self talk can have lasting impact.

* I am in bootcamp round 2 and fully intend to do round 3. I feel great and love the resistance training emphasis. The mornings are getting easier and I am almost to the place where I don't mind getting up. I also am encouraged by a running book and am considering a half-marathon late spring. Though I feel stronger, my clothes fit well, but the scale ain't budging. I need a little self discipline in what goes in my mouth. Super hard this time of the year so I better start running!

* Finally, though I haven't written on this blog lately, I think about it often. Like in a "when I feel well enough to be caught up but to not nap during nap time and maybe if I ever get caught up at work and write a blog post I will write about that" way. So the other day the fb status of several friends without children caught my attention. I had my "glasses" on where one only sees what they want to see. You know them-- you have a pair too. Anyway, people were writing about the lovely, relaxing day they were having watching TV, movies, putting up Christmas decorations, baking, shopping... what-have-you. I had a twinge of jealousy as I literally chased Dekker around and tried to keep him out of everything non-stop. I try not to be bitter, but its hard sometimes. Just as this blog post was forming in my mind... we went to Lincoln and watched the nieces and nephews in their fantastic Christmas production. It's a full scale 90 minute dramatic musical. Awesome. We took Dekker and he sat on our laps. Risky. But can I just say that he is the CUTEST kid. Oh my goodness my heart overflows. He broke out in enthusiastic clapping and cheering at the end of EVERY song. He also cheered and clapped during dramatic pauses in the speaking, which wasn't as cute to everyone else but made my heart sing. When the huge tractor came in at the end of the production, I didn't see a thing because I couldn't take my eyes off Dekker and the little "o" his mouth was making. For me and my life right now, this was a reminder of God's goodness as if He was saying, "Enjoy this season of life." Not that I wouldn't enjoy a season of my DVR, but you know. Mercy.

I have at least 30 minutes to find my strongest life here before I try and wind down for the night.

Good to be back.
On the journey,
Stef

Welcome Home

2010-11-11T22:39:00.001-06:00

Hello Friends.
I have so much to tell you about my trip to Colorado. The retreat center really was a "sacred space" that I very much enjoyed. The view was beautiful-- mountains to the west and plains to the east, and Horsetooth Reservoir visible from the "Eagles Nest." Gorgeous. It was a time of professional growth and a renewal of counseling skills combined with a new understanding of helping people who grieve. And it was a time of personal growth, as I mourned with my new friends several losses and transitions in my life. I can't wait to go back. More on that soon when I have more time to debrief it myself. For now, I can't wait to tell you about my trip home so far.

The retreat got over at 2:30 Mountain Time. That's 3:30 Omaha time, so I knew I probably wouldn't make it all the way home. I am exhausted, physically and especially emotionally and mentally. So I came 1/2 way to McCook tonight, where I just had dinner with my sweet friend Amanda and have a breakfast date with my aunts and uncle. It was a 4.5 hour drive to here, and it was white-knuckle driving for the last 3 hours. I should first note that the first hour was delightful, and I called my sister-in-law Becky during the busiest time of her day to simply tell her that I think she should go on a Disney Cruise. God love you Becky, that I was so out of the kid-day-routine that I did this and that you put up with it, even entertained me on my drive for awhile!

Back to the drive... I seriously contemplated stopping several times, but there was not a town big enough for a hotel the entire way, I swear. It's a whole lotta nothing. I wanted so badly to call Dave, but I knew I would burst into tears. I prayed. I sang. I repeated positive statements to myself ("It's not freezing. You have some visibility. You can do this.") I planned my own funeral and I only wish I was kidding about that. I saw SEVERAL deer on the shoulder of the road. It wasn't icy, but it was snowing, and that is like a blanket of white coming at your face in the headlights. If you've ever drove in this you know it almost has a hypnotic feeling. At one point, in a small town of Wauneeta, I almost called my dad and asked if he had a farmer friend I could just call up. I was that scared, and just stressed. Well, it cleared about 30 min outside of town (PTL my prayers were seriously answered) and I am alive. Thankfully, it was above freezing and eventually the snow turned to rain, so I could have some visibility again. I had a bad feeling about the weather today. I had been watching the forecast and knew it would be close. I even told Dave on my way to the retreat today that this is not what I want to die wearing. A whole week of death talk, you have to have some honesty and humor, right.

I got to Aunt Pats about 9:00. I had the wrong garage code saved in my phone so I called my mom, standing in the driveway in the rain, and she still had it from 7 years ago when they lived in McCook. Welp, lucky for me. I get in and I heard a voice. So I called out, "Hello. Aunt Pat." She has a gorgeous house that almost feels as good as home to me but I couldn't figure out where she was, why she was home, and what she was saying... Wasn't she suppose to be playing Bridge? I kept my mom on the line.

"Garage Door. Motion Detected. Garage Door. Motion Detected."
"Um, Mom, hang on a minute."
* Huge High Pitch Siren*
"What in the dickens is that?" (If you know Lynette that just made you laugh)
*Huge High Pitch Siren*
"Mom, she has an alarm."
"Just go push OFF honey."
"I'm trying."
"I can't hear you."
"Mom, what am I going to do?"
*Huge High Pitch Siren*
"Call Aunt Pat"
"I did, before I called you."
*Ring, Ring*
"Hello, this is Suzie with the alarm system. There is a bulgary alarm going off. Can you tell me the password?"
"No, I can't. I am her niece. Stefanie Rowe. That's R O W E. Um, her name is Pat. Yes, I have her number right here. I don't know who else is on her list. Probably my uncle Ron and aunt Kelly. No, I don't know their number off hand."
"Okay, thank you Mrs. Rowe. Just keep trying to get a hold of her."
*Huge High Pitch Siren*
"Honey, go the garage, I can't hear you." (I love you Mom)

So I went to the garage and my mom got me my other aunt and uncle's number. They live across town in an alarm free home. They know the password. And code. After several tries and nearly bursting my uncle's eardrum, I got the alarm off. Thank you, Ron. But not before the neighbor called.

*Ring, Ring*
"This is Stefanie."
"This is Sandy next door. Are you Pat's niece? I thought so. The police are out front."
(I wasn't avoiding them, I was in the garage!)

I had a friendly chat with the skeptical police officers. I still had my uncle on the phone and I was so thankful that the alarm was finally off. I think it was blaring every 4 seconds for a good 40 minutes. I explained my story, which they made me tell twice--which I could with all the details because it was the truth. They looked familiar and I thought about asking them what year they graduated but I thought better of myself. As they were walking back to the now two police cars parked in front of my Aunts home, I said...

"I'm glad it works. The alarm system. It makes me feel safe for my Aunt Pat. Thanks for your service."

I think they laughed at me. I stood in the driveway in the spitting rain talking to the sweet neighbor in her red shoes and sweat pants. Nice lady, and apparently the other emergency contact who was called when I couldn't produce the password. She called Aunt Pat. So did I. So did the alarm company and I'm sure the police. She hasn't answered or called us back...yet. She must be having a good time!

I think this will be a bridge game she never forgets.
I won't either.

On the journey,
Mae

Thoughts on Thoughts

2010-11-02T21:25:00.000-05:00

This begins week two without boot-camp. I have been walking/jogging on my days off and even made it to the gym once. Whatever progress I am making I am losing with this bag of Halloween candy sitting next to me. At least I'm staying ahead of the curve. And seriously my jeans have a little saggy butt going on, and they're not just dirty :) It's amazing to me how quickly I have gotten OUT of the habit of working out. Dangerous. I have not once thought to myself, "I missed my workout today" or "I feel like I need to go to the gym." Maybe that comes after awhile, but for me without that class to get up and go to I have almost no motivation. This is just good for me to know about myself. On the other hand, I don't feel much better sleeping more so I might as well get up and work out.

Boot-camp starts again next week. I won't be there. I will be at a week long training in Fort Collins, Co at the Center for Loss and Life Transition. Though this might not look like a lot of fun to you, it sounds thrilling for me. The training groups are super small, less than 20 people, and the teacher is Dr. Wolfeldt, a renowned researcher, therapist, teacher and author on the subject of bereavement. I feel very lucky that I got picked to attend this training (I think that is code for "I was willing to pay for it") and hope to bring some new stuff back to my work. I am staying with some family in Fort Collins, which I am looking forward to about as much as I am not looking forward to the drive. And... I leave Saturday and get home Friday! That's a long time away from my boys!! I am trying to really guard my thinking and focus on the positives and not dwell on the drive and being "away." I'm thankful for a free place to stay, for the means to pay for the training, for the tax deduction it is, for some time away to chill out in the car, maybe even some time to read and relax in the evenings.

Speaking of my thought life, I have been loving the book Self Talk, Soul Talk by Rothschild. It has been a fantastic refresher for taking my thoughts captive and changing how I feel by changing how I think. I had an "ah-ha" moment when we discussed in group that saying untrue or hurtful things to ourselves ("I'm worthless," "No one loves me,") is SIN. Let's call a spade a spade people. The Bible is really clear that we are worth so much, incredibly loved, and forgiven. Now sometimes our thought life can be somewhat of a reflection of truth-- though usually distorted in some way-- but is not helpful and is in fact damaging when we say it in such hurtful ways to ourselves ("I'm lazy," "I'm fat."). So even if what we are saying is true, when we say it so awfully to ourselves we're not treating ourselves with the grace and respect that the Bible talks about. We all know how to treat our neighbors, and that our mouths were made to encourage and build one another up-- and this truth needs to be turned INWARD, too.

Finally, we had a great time at the trunk or treat. Dekker went as our dog, Josie, who he loves. He refused to wear his costume all week. Just the night before I put it on him and the only picture I could get he was tugging it off! Suddenly, at the Trunk or Treat, he put it on and loved it! Adorable. We had a great night with our church family and do love this tradition. Over 1200 people were there! Wow. Here is a picture to close this post.

On the journey,
Mae

Random Saturday Ramblings & Bootcamp Results

2010-10-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

My Saturday's typically look a little something like this: Get up 'early' with Dekker knowing that I will get to sleep in on Sunday. Breakfast, playtime, what-have-you, lunch, errands, nap time, Husker football, food, playtime with the neighbors, dinner, bed. Or something of that nature. Then there is this window between Dekker's 7:30 bedtime and sushi and SNL at 10:30 that I fill writing out random things on this blog. Hahaha. I think I have yet to put together a "well-written" cohesive blog on a Saturday night. Probably b/c I'm so hungry because I'm "saving" all my calories for sushi. Anyway... ...

So here are a few of the Random Ramblings I've thought about tonight--
* I love cold weather because it THRILLS me that people bring their dogs inside and they don't bark their heads off all evening long. Nights like tonight when I am sitting around with windows opened and getting serenaded by the neighbor dogs does not do my blood pressure well. I also like cold weather because it forces some of my chatty neighbors to move the chatty party INSIDE. And I love fires in the fireplace but I'm not sure how that will work out with a toddler.

* I love Husker football about as much as I love my little Husker in his red track suit. Tonight we taught him the "touch-down" sign, which he proudly did all night long while trying to say the word. In case I don't say it enough, I love that kid and being his mama.

* I found a steal of a deal on a winter coat for Dekker the other night. I didn't buy it b/c the hood doesn't come off. Then I tell Dave this and show him the coat and he thinks it's no problem and I guess I don't either so we buy it. Pewter color. Originally $70 at LandsEnd and on sale for $19.99 (free shipping) on their Overstock page. It's going to look great with a red Husker stocking cap :)

* I sat down and had coffee with my bestie, Beth for an hour and a half this week. It was great to catch up-- even though we talk almost everyday for a few minutes-- we needed that talk-it-all-out-and-get-totally-caught-up-time. I contemplated that with my relationship with God this week.

* We went to the Brookside "Married Live" event Friday night after having some great Mexican. Thanks to our friends Kelly and Chad for sharing two tickets-- we met some awesome peeps at our table and heard a very interesting speaker, Michael Franzese, a former Mob Captain. He and his wife talked about sticking it out no matter what and I was uncomfortable for anybody in that arena in an physical or emotionally abusive relationship. I read wwaayyyy too much into these things, and my job jades me somewhat, but I worry about women who stay in super unhealthy relationships because they can't bear the shame of being a divorced Christian. But it was good and I want to read his book. Anyway...

* I have been slower at work lately, giving me some time to think about Christmas. Soden Family Christmas is over Thanksgiving, so I have been trying to get a start on my shopping. And, I have 11 beautiful nieces and nephews to buy for in some capacity. I have made great progress. And I like spreading the cost over a few months.

*My scale broke. I couldn't be happier...

... this brings me to my "bootcamp" results...

Bootcamp Results:
Pre-Test (Sept 13): Cardio-- 13 laps in 12 minutes; 38 sit-ups; 19 push-ups; 39" flexibility
Post-Test (Oct 22): Cardio-- 17.75 laps; 45 sit-ups; 30 push-ups; 43" flexibility

Things I loved about bootcamp:
* Accountability
* Consistency
* Meeting sweet women
* Feeling stronger and having the results to prove it
* "Pushing through the pain" on our final run on Friday and learning more about my body and how to push it.
* Increasing my hand weights from 5lb, to 8lb and even some 10lbs at times.
* Signing up to do it all again!

I have said before that it's not the perfect work-out BY FAR. But it is for sure more than I probably would be doing-- especially in the way of weight lifting. I didn't lose a lot of weight, maybe a lb or two, but I feel fantastic and I do think we are doing more toning than we think. And my clothes feel good, and I have ate (very, very) well and haven't gained. I'd be crazy not to do it again, especially for the price (compared to other 'bootcamps' in town). I feel so much better about myself when I am consistently working out. I will get a new scale, but it might be awhile :)

Well, enough for tonight. Hope you are all doing well, too.

GBR!
Mae

Imitation = Flattery

2010-10-19T07:00:00.012-05:00

Nothing makes me watch what I am doing and saying quite like a little Toddler who is starting to repeat everything he sees and hears...

This is Dekker's mobile office, with his Blackberry and keyboard.

He is a pretty good typer!

Well, I do not sit on the rug and eat. However, I found it so
cute that he got these out all by himself! Then marched over
to the rug and sat himself down and started eating!!

Some kids stack blocks. Dekker stacks spices.

And is quite proud of himself!

Dekker wants to mulch leaves! Just wait kiddo. Your
day will come. I promise!

He is actually quite helpful with the broom!

My favorite!

On the journey,
Mae

Fall Falls

2010-10-19T07:00:00.011-05:00

When Dave and I were first looking for a house, there were several "must-have's." We ended up finding a property with most of them, too. Well, one of them was "an established neighborhood." In other terms, we wanted a place with big trees that had been around for awhile. Which we found, and love, until every fall. This is what our place looked like last week at this time--


Seriously two to three inches of leaves. Dave had to rake the driveway before small group so people didn't park in the grass!

So what do we do? Why not just mow? Too many leaves. It would just take forever, even with a mulching mower. Sooooo... it has taken a few years of trial and error, but I do say we have a pretty good system. And we have a leaf mulcher-- so it sucks up the leaves and mulches them, helping us contain about 12 bags of leaves into four. Pretty sweet.

First, rake into long lines, pull away from the edges, etc.

Then, Dave sucks up the lines with the mulcher.

Sometimes he has some extra help from Dekker and the
neighbor boys who we love dearly.


Toys from our sweet neighbors. Dekker LOVES their garage, and all the fun things they have in it. He runs right over to it, whether it's open or closed or even if they are out or not!

At the end of the day the yard looked great...

And the neighborhood fun just never stops!

We finally go inside when the sun goes down!

Today we trimmed that big tree we insisted we have, then bundled up all the sticks. We'll still have to mow at least once and I'd love to get the flower beds trimmed back and cleaned out. It's harder to do those, because the mulch makes it much harder to use the leaf mulcher (weird to use that word twice in one sentence). Anyway, we love our house, even though we bought it in the dead of winter and had NO IDEA what we were getting ourselves into! But for every ounce of yard work that we under-estimated, is by how much we love our neighbors and neighborhood. Seriously sweet people who love God and love their kids and just welcome us and Dekker all around. My neighbor once told me that his yard looked so good (I asked) because it was something productive he could do while his kids played outside for hours! Now I completely understand.

Maybe one day our yard will take shape!

On the journey,

Mae

There is... No. Place. Like. Nebraska

2010-10-17T21:15:00.000-05:00

This Saturday Dave and I had the opportunity to go to the Husker vs Texas game. Tickets were selling for $350 a seat, but we got ours for free through my dad and his work. We had a great day Saturday-- we left about 10AM and traffic was horrible. We were still 4.5 hours from game time and I-80 was already bottle-necked. It was nuts! We met my folks and took one car to campus, where we got a sweet parking deal. Our seats were 96 rows up in the North end-zone. Our backs were to the old press boxes, and even though it was a long ways up, I loved having the extra space behind us and standing up on my seat.

Mom & Dad Soden and Dave and I at the Husker Nation tailgate.
Skeeter Barns restaurant catered in and it was delish.

This is what we look like 96 rows up!

My mom tripped in the masses of people going into the stadium.
She was such a trooper but her foot was mega swollen by the end of the day.

The Sea of Red.

Finally getting to release balloons when we finally scored!


This is how we found Steve and Suz after an 11 hour day with Dekker!

Well, clearly the game didn't go our way, but it was still fun. It was fun to look forward to, fun to spend the day with Dave and my folks, and made me squeeze our little boy just that much more this morning after missing him all day yesterday!

On the journey,
Mae

Thankful

2010-10-07T21:23:00.001-05:00

Tonight I am breaking the "Here's To..." series to go back to my irregular, sporadic, sometimes sarcastic blogging style that is, frankly, a little easier for me. Maybe you don't like "random thoughts" as much as I do, but I think it might be a reflection of how I think! Tonight's randomness is inspired by my friend Becky's post (by the way who are Dave and Karen?) and by my Sunday night women's Bible study.

On Sunday nights I am studying "He Speaks To Me" by Priscilla Shirer. I was somewhat skeptical about the topic, but I think that's what drew me in. The study has taught me so much, and one thing I am really taking away is the power of gratitude. Then today at work I had a really good conversation with a friend about the true power of perspective.

Here are just 5 of the things I am thankful for, in no particular order-- knowing that I am obviously omitting several fantastic things for the sake of brevity and my early bedtime.

1. That Sunday Night Bible Study. We are an eclectic group of women and we are a small group of women. But dog-gone-it I believe God had an awesome purpose bringing us together and knew exactly what He was doing. And thank you Beth for stepping out to lead and in doing so, offering us all the opportunity to get to know one another and join in the adventure of positioning ourselves to hear from God. This study has impacted my daily life and my everyday thinking in pretty cool ways.

2.. Our family. I am so thankful for Dave and Dekker, and that we have such awesome family to go through life with. We love our Monday night dinners and trips to Aurora and random texts and phone calls and fb chats and getting spoiled at The Cheesecake Factory by Lao and Pao. I know the saying is that "you can't pick family" but I honestly don't think I could have picked better! Thank you God for this blessing in my life!


I think Josie looks a little tortured here. She is not. I promise!

3. Our friends and small group. That they are there for the hard times and the great times. That they are so much fun and have this type of influence on me. Do I look like I'm having a ball or what? That's because I was. We had an awesome Girls afternoon celebrating with our friend Micaela. Cari, you are truly an awesome hostess!

4. The absolute beautiful weather we are having. And that my allergies aren't totally awful and that I am finally feeling some true relief from the mono. I'm still having a hard time "bouncing back" from big events, but the day-to-day is sooo much better. Like other things, I really didn't realize how "bad" it was until I was feeling better. Next week my mom is visiting Sun-Mon and Beth and I are taking a girls trip Tues-Wed. Then Thursday I work a looooooooong day and teach at Grace that night (Glory, another blessing). We have tickets to the Texas game Sat (Go Big Red, can I call this a blessing, too?) so I am hoping I'm not a total mess by Sunday. What a fab problem to have-- so many fun things in one week! One day at a time, take care of myself, rest when I'm tired. I can manage.

Big thanks to my friend Katie for this awesome pic of Dekker.
We were enjoying this weather at the nearby park.


Dekker, Quinn and Max. I love these boys and their Mama's! Dekker has a squint. Not just in this picture either. I think it's a learned look from me. That, or he needs glasses.

5. Our daycare friend, Laura. I was just beside myself when Leigh quit. And I still miss Leigh and seeing her regularly. But our new friend, Laura, is wonderful, too! Today she helped Dekker through a rough day of teething and she hasn't reneged on our agreement yet :) She puts up with my "checking in" texts and my loooong good-byes. God Love You, Laura! What a blessing.

Even as I type I have more things to be thankful for-- like Dave's work from home job, the sweet girls I have met at bootcamp, my awesome water bottle, open communication with Dave/laying in bed laughing, facebook, my counseling mentor, the guy I work with at Grace... ...

Speaking of Grace... I was suppose to "teach" tonight at Grace. I texted the professor I work with about 3:30 and suggested maybe we cancel class for the game. I'm pretty sure he laughed out loud but he did insist I stay home. Didn't have to tell me twice! I'm 6 hours into my 10 hour commitment there. As long as we're done by finals! And the Huskers look awesome tonight!

On the journey,
Stef

Here's To... Productivity

2010-10-06T15:32:00.002-05:00

Here's To... Productivity

Awhile back I decided that I wanted to start simplifying my space. And when I say awhile back, I am in deed referring to the "Simplicity Party" I went to in March. I cringe thinking that was seven months ago. Well anyway, onward and upward, right? Initially, I started by re-evaluating my closet (and the hearth room, which turned out terrific). I had a lot of clothes that I didn't wear anymore-- and remember-- the motto of the party wasn't just clutter free living. It was also about giving out of our abundance. I thought about other women who would wear the clothes that didn't fit my post-baby body all the time. Suddenly, keeping them "just in case" seemed really selfish. I also had lots of clothes I was holding onto that I didn't particularly like and that I didn't find a style that flattered me. So I bagged them up. Then I went through them again. And again. I kept asking myself, "Have I worn this in a year?" and "Even if I lost 10 lbs would I really wear this?" In the end, I took seven large kitchen trash bags to our church last week to donate to a terrific organization called FGCI.

This got me motivated, and as I have said before, productivity comes in streaks. So I decided that I would "strike while the iron is hot" and start cleaning out my guest room/office. This has been a work in progress and just this summer I switched out the double bed for a daybed with trundle off Craigslist. That helped un-cram the space a lot. I also have been going through this closet with some real honesty, as a lot of it was clothes I no longer wore. So the closet and bed were getting clearer and clearer. I even took a nap time and purged through my filing cabinet one afternoon. However, the desk and bookshelf area were still awful!

This is a before picture of the bookshelf/desk area. What a pit.

A better look at everything that had gotten tossed into this area.
It was the equivalent of a storage shed!


No wonder I hadn't used the new computer Dave had bought me!

Not to mention that this is my "guest" room. Every time my Mom and Dad came to visit I apologized up and down that the room was such a mess. And do you see how the clock was strung up on the bookshelf. Seriously. First, you can't see it from the bed. Second, it was never set and third, that cord was a serious hazard with an 18 month old running around.

I moved the books into three piles. Keep Pile, 1/2 Price Books Pile, Church Pile. When I got through all the personal (non-school/work) books, this is what I had condensed to:

Welp, then I tackled that pile of stuff on the floor. Let me tell you that when you have a baby you get so many packets, papers, magazines, etc. That's what this pile basically was. A lot of it went into the newly formed "recycling" pile. Remember from earlier in the summer I already had a "shredding" pile. I took that pile in to UPS this week and had them shred it for $13.00. I will not pay that again but it was great to have the 26lbs of paper out of my office! Back to the present, I made it through the pile of stuff and purged a lot of textbooks, emptied out 10 three-ring binders (any takers??) of old classwork/handouts, and made yet another Goodwill bag. In the end, I had three BOXES of recycling, two laundry baskets of books (more how I make out at 1/2 price books later), and one Kohls sack for Goodwill. My friend from church was in the neighborhood and stopped and took the few books he wanted for the church library. Good Grief I have a lot of stuff from that room. But it looks and feels awesome!

I've always discovered that when I simplify and de-clutter, that the things I love get brought forward. And I love that. I love that Dekker's "baby box" (the big yellow thing) has a home, and that I got to display my special Vegas frame (it was still in the wrapping), and that the picture of my Grandpa that my cousin drew has a prominent spot. This is so much more the "home" I want to live in. This room went from the last on my list, to toward the top. I love having a lamp, a working clock, a shredder, and a great space to work/blog/photo 'edit'/organize. I might even figure out iTunes and fill up the iPod I begged Dave for on Mother's Day. The bookshelf is still somewhat cluttered. I probably could go another round on it, and I will someday. But for now I am loving my new work area, and my new computer. Last night I just kept flipping on the light and admiring my space. "I love the guest room!" I hollered out to Dave. To which he laughed at me. And... I called my mom today and can't wait for her visit. I think she'll feel a lot more at home with space in the closet for her stuff and an all around lovely room to sleep in. If she's lucky, I might even get a painting hung!

Am I nesting? Well, no. I have no need to. But we're finishing the office in the basement and I hope to take a corner of it with my stuff, which certainly does free this room up much more for baby #2, come the day. The work now saves me big time down the road!

On the journey,

Mae

Here's To..."Bootcamp"

2010-10-01T14:18:00.000-05:00

Here it is October 1st already. What in the world?!?! How did September fly by so fast? We are loving fall here in the Rowe house. Every part of me loves fall except for my allergies, which I try to just ignore as much as I possibly can. I love this weather, having the doors open, and going on walks. We haven't gotten to all the fall stuff we had hoped, like Vala's and the zoo, but there's still time. And if we miss out we will survive and probably be at a better age to enjoy it next year anyway. We continue to work on the basement office, too. Dave has made awesome progress so we're spending a lot of free time working on that, too.

Last weekend we went to Aurora where we were totally spoiled. I love my mom and dad-- and their great food, Husker football on Pay-Per-View, the way they change Dekker's smelly diapers and spoil him while I nap. They are INCREDIBLE grandparents, which doesn't surprise me because they are incredible parents.

Well, this blog post is dedicated to a little adventure I am on called "bootcamp." Awhile back I went to Women of Faith with some friends and we talked a lot about working-out. My friend Jackie challenged me that I can keep doing what I'm doing (which was lots of excuses for nothing) or I could make a change. Well I really pondered on that. I really focused on the choice I had. I switched my thinking so that working out was no longer something I "should" do, to something I "could" do. So I started searching for options.

My first thought was our gym. Okay back up. I love organized fitness classes. They are a great workout for me, and I love the beginning and the end and sticking to an hour. Different things work for different people and this really works for me. So I started contemplating the 9:15 classes at our gym (they have a pretty good, inexpensive daycare), and the 12:00 classes over nap-time. But neither. Call it an excuse or whatever you want. But on my days off I wasn't interested in hauling Dekker out and putting him in daycare again. And I knew he would be my excuse... when it's cold, when he's sick, etc, etc. And I knew I wouldn't sacrifice my nap time consistently with a work-out and shower. By that time in the day all motivation has passed. So this left mornings.

I am not a morning person but I kept thinking about Jackie's encouragement. And I remembered that this is a choice. It's not something I HAVE to do, but it is something I WANT to do. So 6:30AM it is, at a nearby community center that charges a fraction of the other bootcamps in town. I'm not so sure it's really "bootcamp." The work-outs are pretty moderate and sometimes super hard and sometimes pretty easy. It is a great group of girls and two very nice, skinny, young leaders fresh out of undergrad. I laughed on my first day there-- I wasn't sure if I was at the right place until I saw all the mini-vans. Yep, all the participants are just like me-- Mom's, some work and some don't, just trying to get in better shape. There are no models, no body builders, and frankly, no one cares. Recently, I got dressed in the dark and wore my work-out pants inside out. They gave me a little joking about all the literature across my butt, and seriously no one said another word because... who cares? I honestly don't even comb my hair before I go!

Today was the end of week three. It is a six week commitment so we are half way through. And today I moved from 5lb hand-weights to 8lbs. That was excellent. AND I did all my push-ups without my knees. The instructor said I had "great form," which made me super happy. Sometimes we run on the treadmill, sometimes in the indoor track, even outside in the parking lot-- I caught my breath about noon that day. Today we did a circuit. The intensity is really increasing as the learning curve gets smaller. They have already announced a second 6 week commitment and you bet I am in!

I have lost 1 lb. Yep, one. Totally sucks. But I am reminded that weight often comes last. And in the mean time I'm not gaining :) And I am getting stronger. And I am consistently working out, which feels great! And, I'm learning that early morning work-outs have lots of fab benefits-- like one shower for the day, getting it done first thing, still having nap time to myself, etc. If you are considering how to fit a regular work-out plan to your lifestyle, you might consider getting up earlier to do it. I am more tired at night, and go to bed before Dave, which stinks. But in general I have more energy throughout the day and am waaaayyyy more productive on the days I work out.

Welp, that's it. It's not the best bootcamp ever made, but it's great for me right now! Here are a few pics, not associated with bootcamp in any fashion (no one needs to see that), that I thought might be fun to share. Enjoy.

On the Journey,

Mae

Here's To... My Mobile Camera

2010-09-18T22:29:00.000-05:00

Here's To... My Mobile Camera

A big shout out here to my mobile camera (as if my phone cares), which I love for moments like these:

1. My sweet boy and I at the park on Friday. It was beautiful, and since I'm up before the sun on M,W,F these days to work out, 9:30 didn't seem so early to get a little running around in. Dekker is so big, he showed himself all around the park, and particularly enjoyed the stairs on the jungle gym. He got so far up that he just went right down a slide, for the first time, and all by himself. He landed in a puddle of water and I rushed off the jungle gym and ran around just in time to "catch" him, which he didn't need anyway. He also enjoyed the swings much more than he has in the past, thank goodness.

2. My sweet dog Josie at the park. She is a much (much, much, much) better "family dog" than I ever envisioned and loves walks. So Dekker and I took her with us to the park, where I just dropped the leash and let her explore around. She is fantastic, and comes running every time I call her name. She never got too far away from us and had a fun morning, too.

3. The Shellac manicure I am loving. I love it so much that I could create an entire post just to it. Finally, a tasteful manicure on my real nails, that looks great and doesn't chip, doesn't damage the nail or nail bed and lasts for at least 14 days. I feel professional and put together! I get mine at Blonde Salon, in case you're wondering, and it comes in several colors including the "neutral" that I got.

Welp, that's enough for a random Saturday night. My lover-boy just got home with sushi so I am signing off!!

On the journey,
Mae

Here's To...My New Sunglasses

2010-09-15T21:29:00.000-05:00

Here's to... my new sunglasses.
(I'm not posting this on fb, this is a special little "extra" to my "regulars.")
They are prescription. This means I can see when I drive, and when I'm out on a walk.
They are stylish. If you disagree keep your opinion to yourself.
They were $60 bucks. Can you hear the angels singing? Suz and I found a steal of a deal at Eye Masters, two pair for $99 (and you could combine two different prescriptions). My frames were $10 more than the special, so I paid the difference.

So far, I have been loving them.

Less than flattering picture, just focus on the shades, okay!

I have been wearing them on my way home from... bootcamp. It's so stinking early that the sun is just coming up. More on that after I have at least a week under my belt :)

On the Journey,
Mae

Here's To... Road trips

2010-09-13T16:32:00.000-05:00

Here's to... Road trips.

I love road trips. I think they are one of the most fun things we can do with friends, spouses, family, etc. Now, clearly I understand that road trips with the wrong people can be a disaster (hello being stuck in a car with someone you can't stand)... but with the right people they are a great distraction from the demands of everyday life, and a great time to squeeze in a little "windshield time" with the people you love. I love road trips with Dave because we get to talk and talk... and talk. And read each other facebook and twitter updates. And dream about owning a business or our next house or expanding my counseling practice. We recently took a rather lengthy road trip to Colorado. We went about 90 miles past Denver to our family reunion. That's 9 hours driving, plus stops.

Our first stop was in Lincoln to drop some stuff off for the JDRF garage sale. We got there about 9:45AM. We left about 11. Hahaha. The morning was almost over and we were 60 miles outside of town. But what's the hurry!?!? We might have been earlier had we not stopped for donuts and coffee on the way out of town (another reason I love road trips!). Then, we stopped outside Grand Island to eat. By the time we left there it was easily 1:00 and we weren't even 120 miles from home. Seriously, we were enjoying one anothers company so much we knew it was all good.

This is me, at the rest stop in GI. I was so relaxed, so thrilled to get away and go to the reunion. If I had a third hand it would have been patting myself on the back for getting this lunch packed and not eating fast food, which I love, but makes me feel awful when it sits in my stomach for the next 12 hours.

These are pictures of my sweet boy, eating like such a big boy at the rest stop. "Normal" food that wouldn't cause gastro issues for him, either :) Then stretching his legs before the next "stretch."

I love playing with Dekker on road trips. He is adorable. I love how much fun he is! He giggles at anything and totally occupies himself. (Last year on this trip he occupied himself by crying for 13 hours and we took the wrong interstate outside of Denver, but we don't talk about that.) This year was a different story...

We made it to the reunion in great time. We cut the drive home up by stopping in Denver for a night. On our way home Tuesday we had another great day... starting it the right way...

With Coffee....

And a little local produce shopping (don't worry, we shared)...

And we finished the trip with more dreaming out-loud, playing with Dekker, long stops to stretch

our legs and make memories.

For some reason at this stop, Dekker could not stop trying to get something out of Dave's pocket.

We're still not sure what?!?

I have always wanted to open a monument store-- Dave just listened to me dream and dream, asking me question after question, even encouraging me at one time to start writing stuff down. We talked about software that needs making :) and our sweet boy, who we can't believe is growing up so fast. We talked about if he needs a brother or sister (and no, we're not pregnant, not trying, but considering). I don't know how many times we turned to one another and said, "How did he get so big?"

And instead of continual crying... this year our little boy even slept a little...

How adorable is he?!?

Though I love road trips, and all they are to my life, I must admit that they make me very tired. Here is what I looked like by the end of the trip!

Thankfully, this little sign kept me laughing the last several hours home!

(It was a lie, by the way.)

On the Journey,

Mae